Cartoon - You Don't Have to Play It

I'm old school. Seriously OLD SCHOOL. How far back? I dunno, I think I drew this "Blue Folio" styled cartoon in about 1885 -- I mean 1985, still in high school & Ronald Reagan was president. CDs were a hot new technology (DVDs were not yet perfected) and we all had to have our Walkmans. ATM machines were starting to show up, New Wave was exploding on MTV and VH1, we were a few years before the first Gulf War. Remember Gulf War I? Kids didn't have cell phones, not even pagers yet, you were cool if you had an answering machine, a beta video tape deck, or an Atari game system. My computer was an Apple II plus with 56K, later upgraded to a smoking 112K with dual floppy disk drives. Did you know the Apple II plus cost about 3K out the door? In 1985! CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - The Game

Sadly, in so many of the conflicts between nations, this is what it boils down to. Brinkmanship and pissing contests. And table-tennis with hand-grenades. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Santa Becomes a Vampire

Sheesh! We all know this is virtually impossible. I mean, he's got that sleigh that flies at incredible speed, all over the world in one night to about 3 billion houses, so you figure he must be nimble on his toes. Plus he gets down chimneys, in and out, he's fat and obviously doesn't fit. AND YOU NEVER SEE OR HEAR HIM! Let's face it, Santa must have some supernatural, ninja-like powers. But a dangerous "elder-type" vampire could put the bite on him...ply the old feller with lots of cookies and eggnog, and whiskey, plus a holly spiced cigar. But are vampires on his Good List? Some delicate timing would be required. Plus Santa has those kickass reindeer that would put up a fight if the old feller gave a holler. Uh huh. So don't even try it. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Eat at Joes

It certainly pays to advertise. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Pick Nose

That's right! It is NPYND -- National Pick Your Nose Day! So go ahead and dig deep. I swear, this is true. Look it up. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon Redux - Not the Bus

Here's a transmission from the past. When I lived in good old San Francisco, first as a starving student, then as a starving security guard/doorman, then as a starving graphic designer, this happened to me once or twice a month. The good news was, it was a free ride all the way from the front, to the part where it crapped you out the back. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Bopped by the MG

Yes, he looks cute as a button, but don't get bopped by the MG. Didn't you ever hear of this little feller? That's actually me in the picture, about to be introduced to a new level of pain. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Smart Smarter

Notice the smarter you get, the dumber you get? Or is that "the dumber you are"? CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon Redux - Have a Happy Thanksgiving

Wishing to you and all your peeps & family a Happy Thanksgiving! If you have any vegans or vegetarians coming by for the celebration, wish them a Happy Vegegiving. Pass the hot rolls. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Point Up

For many people, it can be a tough go at life, if you see it that way. Liars think the whole world is full of liars & lies, idiots see the idiotic in everything, angry mind fights the world & the world seems to fight back. When I meet you for the first time, I'll imagine you to be a big flower. It's weird, I am surrounded by big walking flowers. CM Evans Cartoons

Link Added - New and Improved Stereotypes

I've been neglecting my Links section. Bad bad CM. I'll be fixing that oversight. I just found a blog, via MetaFilter, called New and Improved Stereotypes. I thought the site would be fairly tasteless -- but instead it is quite funny. Shows you can actually joke about stereotypes and stereotyping, without being reflexively branded a rabid "this or that hater".

Cartoon - Wrangle a Ride

Don't try this at home kiddies. Don't try this anywhere, the wagon might get hurt. I was going to title this one "Car Hooker", but that wouldn't quite do, huh? That would be going in the wrong direction. Plus there's the word "Wrangle". Being from out West, when I can use the word "Wrangle" I go for it. It is a word of mine earned by birthright. CM Evans Cartoons

Blasphemer Mouse is in Film

Super news! I just found out two friends of mine (Gary Cohen from Adobe, San Diego and Lidia Sheinen from St. Petersburg, Russia) just got first place in the experimental film category at the Rhode Island International Film Festival for their film short "Happily Ever After". It was their first attempt at film. Here is a link to an interview of Gary and Lidia, at the film festival.

Click on the "Play in Popup" link under "Lidia Sheinin and Gary Cohen - Happily Ever After [29:00m]" link to hear the interview -- and here is a tip -- at about 20 minutes into the interview you get to hear who created the logo for Scared Mouse Productions.

Click here to see the award winning short they made. Here is their blog.

Cartoon - Same View

I use to have a swell time doing clip-art cartoons, and if you've ever done them yourself, mine are better than yours. Like this one, for instance. I like using the word "swell". Hey, I just noticed something -- Bob has freakishly huge hands. Or is that my imagination. Seriously, look at the size of his hand -- it is almost as big as his head. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Coffee to Go

Hmmmm. Has this ever happened to you? CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Steel Wool

I have always wanted to go and do this, but for the same reason, I have not gone and done this. What are all the uses for steel wool? What about alternative ones. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - My Leg My Foot My Sock

My Leg My Foot My Sock. I don't know what it means. Possibly this is about how useful, and at the same time, how weirdly ugly our body parts are when separated from the aggregate. Or it could be secretly about sloppy old socks, the kind you wear when it gets cold and you don't mean to go out -- you just wear those impossibly thick socks indoors. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon Redux - HAPPY ALL HALLOWS EVE

Wishing you a happy slappy dappy Halloween. We're gonna have about 6,000 kids show up at the door wanting candy and I'll give them pennies and apples and there will be a old fashioned riot and my house will get burned to the ground, most likely. Quick costume tips -- old sheet with holes for eyes at the last minute is a ghost costume, but the sheet must be white, no floral patterns. Not allowed to cut up the sheets? Burnt cork smeared under the eyes and floppy clothes with a silly hat makes you a "Bum". Absolutely stuck? Get out the Santa suit and confuse everyone why Santa is early this year. Put burnt cork under your eyes wearing the Santa suit, roll around in the twigs and leaves, throw some mud on the beard, and be a zombie dead Santa. Beware, some mothers of small kiddies will curse you. Have a happy time, even if you are finally 1,000 years too old to trick-or-treat. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Abe Straw

This straw hat is known as a Skimmer. Or a Boater. Popular summer wear in the later 19th and early 20th centuries. So old Abe couldn't be wearing it. But wait -- it could be a Low Derby. But Abe was more of a Reggie Top Hat type of guy. No -- Abe wore a beaver felt stove-pipe hat. And you can buy one of his personal beaver felt hats for about 5 million dollars. I wonder if he had a little card with his name on it, stuck inside the sweatband (or whatever you call it), so if the hat was lost or misplaced, someone could return it to him. If he did, it must a read: --- A LINCOLN, ESQ. 1600 PENNSYLVANIA AVE. WASH D.C. -- CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon Redux - Him Again

I click the Random Button and this one comes up. Ha ha. CM Evans Cartoons

CM Evans Cartoons - Updates on Hold for a Bit

Won't be updating 'til next week -- California wildfires have got me down & worried. We relocated to Chicago from San Diego two months ago, and many places I know and love are now turned to ashes. Our old neighborhood is okay, but many friends and co-workers have been displaced -- amazingly only one person I know has lost their house. Cross your fingers & don't hope to die. There were too many close calls to even think about. Imagine having a wildfire a few miles from the edge of town burn an area larger than the city of New York, all around you. That would get your attention!

Cartoon - Suddenly Arthur

This happens to me all the time, too. Sitting there, minding my own business, then **BOOM** woooo!! Eeep eep eep eeep eeeeeep eeeeep, bing bing bing bing, neeeeow!! Ding dong ding dong ding dong!! CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Soap Box Racer

I take 'em all on, baby. Old ladies, kids, dogs, the postman, squirrels. And they ain't come close to catching me yet, in my SOAP BOX RACER. CM Evans Cartoons

Trouble Posting Images to the Blog

What is up with Blogger? I've tried updating this blog twice, for updates on Tuesday and today, Thursday, but there is some strange problem getting this site to update/post images. I'm tired of trying and failing. Click here to go to the latest cartoon, "Home Plate", at CM Evans Cartoons. I love you all.

Cartoon - Whole Lifetime

Ordering for your entire lifetime. Hey, 620,000 cups of coffee comes out to about 24 cups a day if you live until you're 85 -- counting that you start drinking coffee at the age of 15. But I plan on living 'till I'm 130 -- so the daily coffee drinking goes down to 14 cups a day. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Tell Mom

One benefit of moving -- I go through all my files while unpacking, and I find stuff. I drew this cartoon when my daughter was about 3 months old. I can hear the people with little kids say, "Uh, huh. Tell me about it." Tell Mom, and hurry. CM Evans Cartoons

A New Book in the Works

I'm working on a new collection of short stories, poems, drawings, photographs, and such. The new collection will be called "Home". Many of you know about my previous books, the short story collection "Selected Short Stories - the Vignettes", the poetry collection "Poetry from the City of Brass" and the whopping "Poetry Jamboree" which was the most ambitious, by far. The picture here is one of my paintings that will be in the new book, titled "The Demon". Don't worry, it won't be a gloomy book, but I just got done scanning and touching this up. I don't know how long it will take me to finish the new book, but I've started it.

Cartoon - Sushi Toss

Ever been in a sushi food fight? Watch out for the Uni. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Computer

Someday this will be Standard Operating Procedure. I mean, I am looking forward to the day when I buy a computer, plug it in, and it teaches me how to use it. But as you can see, there will be some needed sacrifices -- give and take to show who actually is in charge. Don't worry, be happy. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Nail Accessories

Hello there, Tuesday. How are ya? If you want to be successful in life, you have to know how to accessorize. Accessorize -- is that really a word? I've heard it is impossible for a woman to not have enough purses, shoes, hats, and gloves. For men, I think the best accessories are whiskey, a big crescent wrench, duct tape, and a box of cigars. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Tarot Card

First of all, if you pronounce it TARO, why is it spelled TAROT? Secondly, here is the card. Anybody recognize it? CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Mr. Nose

Short, but sweet. Have you met Mr. Nose? CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Chopsticks

The biggest chopsticks in the world. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Sci Fi

Weee ooo eee oooo. KRRRRANK! Bzzz zzz z zzzz ZZZ zzz zz ZZZZZZ. Eoooeoeoeoeoe eoeoeo eoeoe oeoeooe oeoe eoeoe Weee ooo Wee oooo. BRZZRRRKK! KRRRRAK!! Meep meep meep meep GRZZZRRRRAAAKKK! RRRKKRR!! GGRRRK! Boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop. SCHWINGE!!! CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon Redux - BIRDHOUSE MADNESS

I keep sending this cartoon once a year to the New Yorker, because I can't resist sending this cartoon every year to the New Yorker, go figure. I think some of my work would be hilarious in the New Yorker, but I think I'd have to kill someone or make a pact with the Devil to get into that publication. Still, once a year I send some new stuff off (with BIRDHOUSE MADNESS), and I always get a very polite tight rejection slip. But look at the cartoon! CAN YOU FEEL IT? BIRDHOUSE MADNESS!!!! BIRDHOUSE MADNESS!!!!! CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Conceptual Art

I studied & majored in Conceptual Design at San Francisco State University. I know what I'm talking about here. Ah, but I am not famous. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Busted Hoopie & Bagpipe Bagpipe

Hellllloooo there, how ya been? Hey, I updated the cartoon website with Bagpipe Bagpipe. I also updated it with the Busted for Hooptie one last week, but I forgot to load it up here. Sorry, I got distracted. The Bagpipe Bagpipe cartoon goes out to Londoner/ Canadian/ American Jason Loadsman of The Urban Voodoo Machine -- I got to meet him and a bunch of my wife's classmates at June's 20th high school reunion. We stayed up all night drinking in the vast Hilton Presidential Suite. Jason takes the F*** cake -- the music will burn your eyebrows off. Cheers! CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Tree Purist

I don't mean to be uppity, but if you're gonna live in a tree, how can you burden it with a tree house? Argh! No! Help! That just ain't right, ethically, people. Think about it before you go and do it, fer God's sake. CM EVANS CARTOONS

Cartoon - Heroic Pose

Heroic Pose. We all have to do what we have to do to keep life fresh and even sassy. Mmmm! Don't ever let them trample your dreams. CM Evans Standing Tall on a Cliff with a Cape and Hoisting a Large Paper Mache Boulder Over his head Cartoons

Cartoon - I Have No Idea

JOURNAL ENTRY
AUGUST 7, 2007
SOMEWHERE IN A BOTTLE

"Truly, I have no idea how I ended up in this bottle. No, I have not been mysteriously shrunk, as far as I can tell. I did have a great time last night, but I also avoided a shattering hang over by fortifying my stomach with lots of sushi. As far as I can tell, on the horizon, there is a sort of milky haze or tule fog that gently undulates. I cannot tell if it is coming closer or receding. The sun, while bright overheard, is also indistinct. This all could be a dream. If it is a dream, I wish I had a giant bottle opener. I do have to say, it is boring being clamped in a giant bottle.

REGARDS
CM EVANS"

Cartoon Redux - Consolation Prize

The top one of this 2 fer makes me laugh every time I see it. Definitely worthy of a Cartoon Redux. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Air Surfing

Been gone for a few updates...after months and months of planning (and checking off every item on a 1,000 point list) we moved from San Diego to Chicago, and even spent some time in Breckenridge, Colorado. I'm bushed. But who can't resist some air surfing? Let's rip those phantom waves. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Sproingy

Boing boing boing...SPROING!! Aaaaaaaaaaaaa aa aaa a a aaaaaaaa a a a a aaaaaaa aaa a a a a aaaaaaa a a a a aaaaaaaaaaah! SPROING!! AAA AAAA Aaaaa aaaaa aa a a aaa a a a aaaaaa a a a aaaaaaaaaaaa...SPROING!! AAA AAAA Aaaaa aaaaa aa a a aaa a a...SPROING!!! Boing boing boing. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon Redux - Error Message

This one always makes me laugh. Hit the random button on my website and see what you get. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - My Precarious Neighbor

Here is the latest update -- to the blog and not the website, because I can't remember the password to the website and I had to reset my cache for my browser, so la la la. Waiting to hear back from my host for the password to update the website. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - My Haunted Bathroom

I never had a haunted bathroom, but I did know someone who had a haunted room. Specifically, the wallpaper in the room was haunted. How we determined the wallpaper was haunted, I can't fully explain, but it was so. In my time I have encountered other haunted objects, like an unabridged dictionary, a painting, and a stuffed toy doll. But back to the story: before my friend moved into this house, on Valencia Street in San Francisco, the previous roommate who lived in that room would not sleep in the room at night. This roommate would sleep in the bathroom, on one of the marble counter tops that was just big enough for her to curl up on. Due to the flat having one bathroom, the other people in the household got used to this, and would use the bathroom discreetly at night. I had a few interesting dreams while sleeping in the room with haunted wallpaper. In one dream, I imagined that there was a space in the ceiling immediately above my head, like a hollowed out bubble, about the size of a volleyball. In this space, I saw there was a miniature skeleton, like that of a baby, it was wearing a sombrero. It's bones were a ghastly nicotine yellow color, and when it realized I could see it, the skeleton grinned at me and manically danced, pumping its knees up and down like pistons and jiggling it's elbows in that cramped bubble in the ceiling. This was comical and terrifying at the same time, mostly terrifying while it was happening. I yelled and woke up. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Name the Other Sixty Ways

Not really a cartoon, more a list. Okay, what next? I've been away for a few cycles...I was in Chicago & Oak Park IL on business and getting ready for the move. Soon, after July, we will no longer be residing in sunny, lovely, monotonous San Diego. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Smoke Bunnies

I posted "Smoke Bunnies" on my writing blog giganticjet last week, but you know, I like the picture so much I'm putting it up on the old cartoon website as well. I also wanted to wish you all a happy summer solstice, longest day of the year. Go blow a few smoke bunnies for me, ya smokers out there, I quit about three years ago. Cheers! CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Bunch O Sketches

Added a slew of sketches to the website today, from a clutch of 'em that I uncovered while I was working on my third book, CM BERGOMONT'S POETRY JAMBOREE. I have about 20 sketches in the back of the collection. I have this crazy urge to make another collection of short stories, but I promised myself I'd hold off till we relocate, and then do the book of cartoons. Honestly, feel free to buy any of the books, poetry or short story collections. I've gotten lots of positive feedback, and my neighbor Doc Gilbertson even likes the collections, even though they are full of profanity. CM Evans Cartoons

BM - If We All Suck

Cartoon 907. Many times I have had discussions like this at all sorts of companies and occupations I have participated in. Of course, this is the unvarnished gist of the endless meetings. plans & schemes we came up with. Sometimes when I write using the English language I have no idea what I am saying, the more I try to say it. I also watched Braveheart last night. I now realize hearing & watching Mel Gibson the Australian talk like a Medieval Scottish rebel would be like hearing & watching William Shatner the American sing Wagner's Der Ring des Nibelungen in flawless German. And Gibson won 5 Academy Awards for Braveheart. CM Evans Cartoons

BM - Pommes Frites

Everybody knows when the pommes frites run out, then the art opening is done. Wine and pommes frites. Mmmmm...POMMES FRITES. Wine & pommes frites....the two basic food groups. CM Evans Cartoons

BM - If a Picture

ON A TANGENT, realizing now how the Universe works, if I got sentenced to jail for drunk driving and repeatedly violating the conditions of my probation, unlike Paris Hilton, a few things for me would be different: a. I am sure I'd draw more than 45 days in lockup b. I am sure I would be required to do all the time c. If I cried or didn't like the food, they'd keep me in jail the whole time anyways. There, I just had to say that. Otherwise, I'd just show you a picture, to save time. CM Evans Cartoons