Monday, December 16, 2019

If You Read Only 5 Books in 2019 ...

Scoot: Whaaat? ... (typing) ... That'll do, pig.

Friday, December 13, 2019

Thursday, December 12, 2019

I Live in a Harbinger Household Which Means Everything We Do is Basically Crap

“Just give him some wood, and he’ll build you a cabinet.” — Mike D

I'm All Set to Throw Myself Under the Bus

Fact of the day: The Tiger-Lilly (Cepoliocillios Momentous Granguili) is actually a tessiopod, rather than a fruit bearing flower. 

Tuesday, December 10, 2019

Well if it isn't irrelevant ...

Scoot: I can't believe all the management style crap I have to do today.
Pops: Uh huh.

Thursday, December 05, 2019

In My Workout I am Dragging a Ham

Scoot: No iron core! Pops!
Pops: He's in full-blown panic mode.
Dabs: I don't remember it working that way.
Scoot: Weird gain issues?
Eels: That could have been what was happening to me. It was insulting me personally. I swear.
Pops: Could have been?
Scott: (To Eels) Not unless your name is 'weird gain issues'!
Eels: Ha ha ha ha ha!!!!

Tuesday, December 03, 2019

Coffee is Not Made Out of Coffee


Dane: (Speaking rapidly) It was the same, it was the large one. It was... two.
Scoot: Oh my GOD! He replied, "It wasn't the hundred foot one, it was the one with the lumps."


Scoot: It is the same audio one?
Merk: They say they always had one.
Scoot: That sounds optiplexy to me. And .. uh. Hallway. Jeb.
Stella: Sure, what. I'm not going to be sleeping on a plane.
Scoot: I heard you were very good at your job, sober.
Stella: ???

Wednesday, November 27, 2019

There Was Context

Automatic dog watering and shamanistic cat psychology is the next hot area of product development. 

Tuesday, November 26, 2019

If You Err on the Side of Safety

"If you touch a Leprechaun with the handle of a used toilet plunger, they will explode like a hand-grenade. I guess you shouldn't be doing this, unless you are wearing a bomb disposal outfit." -- Henry David Thoreau

Friday, November 22, 2019

I Thought if I Planned All Day Today for Tomorrow Things Would Go More Smoothly the Next Day …

He said it was an ‘ironic idiom’, and I thought that was the kind of stingy stuff you put on a cut.

Thursday, November 14, 2019

I Wanted to Figure This Out Yesterday

there nothing i can do
and everything i can do

it makes as much sense
as if something could be

Be Careful What You Wish For

in praise of this day
and all days before you

anything concerning
just like a temporary veil

passing before us
only for a moment

Tuesday, October 29, 2019

I Tried to Figure Out Life

What does it mean when you dream about spoons? 

Friday, October 25, 2019

I Looked Inside

11: 19 AM CST

Scoot: This is the data on line one.
Paddy: Excellent!
Serena: I don't have a recording of the guy going "Ah HA!" ... that was really funny.
Scoot: Alright, I'll be back in a moment to make sure Jaff and I have an understanding of what we are saying.
Serena: Good!


Scoot: What is going on today? Chrome locked up.
Paddy: Control ALT Escape. And if that doesn't work, your system is really taxed.
Scoot: Wow!
Paddy: Patience!
Scoot: No problem, I know. I'm good! Woah!

Thursday, October 24, 2019

Online Online Online Online

a) If you get a parking ticket, is the ticket actually coming from Bruce Lee? I mean, we're talking
omnipotence, if Bruce Lee exists, and therefore the ticket is part of the big plan. 

b) If you get a parking ticket, is the ticket actually coming from I mean, we're talking
omnipotence, if exists, and therefore the ticket is part of the big plan. 

c) If you get a 'my little pony' ticket, is the ticket actually coming from Bruce Lee, via I mean, we're talking omnipotence, if Bruce Lee, via exists, and therefore the 'my little pony' ticket is part of the big plan.

Tuesday, October 22, 2019

I Like People Who Look Forward to Looking Forward to Things

I had a dream I was helping Boris Johnson and Bertrand Russell reconcile. They'd been almost inseparable since childhood, but due to a few harmless gaffes, not to be blamed completely on either -- they felt very much at odd with each other. I was able to take Boris, then Bertrand down to the ocean from the hotel we were staying in, and I'd show them the sand, the stones, and how the water reflected on my viewing box for tide-pools. They'd get interested in how the box worked and admiring nature, so when they saw each other later they forgave and off they went on some other merry expedition. I was glad and sad when I saw them go off, I knew they'd forget about me, but I knew repairing their friendship was more important. 

Monday, October 14, 2019


I though the Bee Gees opened a car muffler repair shop after they got famous, but I was wrong. I'm mistaken about a lot of things. I thought the Catholic Church was a subsidiary of General Motors, and all the nuns and priests got a discount for any car that GM built, except for the sporty models.

Wednesday, October 09, 2019

What is Updog?

There's plenty of chairs, and people should buy more of them. It is hard to fight if you have your feet up and are relaxed, with a nice book or cup of Joe. How many wars were started with people sitting down? Zero. 

Friday, October 04, 2019

Thursday, October 03, 2019

Sunday, September 29, 2019

Friday, September 06, 2019

Wednesday, September 04, 2019

Wednesday, July 31, 2019

Friday, June 28, 2019

Wednesday, June 05, 2019

Wednesday, May 08, 2019

Thursday, May 02, 2019