Cartoon - NNPD

National Nose Picking Day is coming up shortly, I have been told. But to change subjects -- how many lives have you lived, previously? Lots of them, I imagine. Who do you want to be next time around? I think we all end up being this guy. Living in Chicago. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - The Place We Ate At Before

This has happened to me several times in New York. I don't mind it. CM Evans Cartoons

The Cartoon that Destroyed - Sexy/ Angry

This cartoon was very popular, for some reason. It set out for the land of MySpace and pillaged and burned there, quite considerably. At times, I felt like a mad scientist who had intentionally created a 60 story monster, and set it loose against a weak, innocent, wicked metropolis that deserved to be annihilated. Funny how things spiral out into the internets, and the lives they live. On a side note, I hear tell there is an improved duct tape that leaves no messy residue. Perfect for microwaving sausage. CM EVANS CARTOONS

Cartoon - Mysterious Smell

Hello to L O M B R A S, it is good to see you. Well, now I know where that mysterious smell is coming from. But I still don't know where that mysterious smell comes from. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - WOTW

I have interesting conversations with people. I met a homeless guy this morning at Main Beach Park in Laguna Beach, who told me about the psychic vibrating qualities of the color blue and purple, and then he gave me a detailed account of Julio Gallo, the Northern California winemaker, and how the French dictator Napoleon shoehorned aliens into soldiers bodies for the battle of Waterloo. On this last point, the aliens were very powerful, combined in batches of 8, from three worlds stacked directly above us. He assured me ceratin unnamed scientists working for the Air Force in charge of bootlegging extra pure moonshine, have established all of the above. I came home and cleaned the sand out of the apartment, and I made food for people who wanted food. CM EVANS CARTOONS

Cartoon - Up to No Good

I like this cartoon. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Over-Stimulated

Other than being over-stimulated, I've become so much more relaxed. No more meeting total strangers at a hotel bar, having a drink with them, driving to the airport, getting into a private plane, flying to the border, landing on the road of a private gated community, breaking into the clubhouse, stealing booze from the bar, playing pool until 4 AM, jumping back into the plane when the cops arrive, flyng back to the airport, and getting a cab ride home by 7 AM. Oh, I almost forgot -- on the flight back, holding our beers, the pilot says "OK -- when I tell you to let go of your beers, let go of your beers!" And then he puts the plane into a steep dive several times this way, so you can see how zero gravity makes your beer hang in the air in front of your face. Also, welcome to SRIDHAR. CM EVANS CARTOONS

Cartoon - The Longest Story

Cartoon - Giant Paper Snowflakes

Welcome to our new visitor, superazione. Thanks for your interest; now for giant snowflakes. With scissors this big, I figure it has gotta be almost impossible to pull your hands away if things go wrong. But how many giant paper snowflakes have you seen? Not many, I tell you. There needs to be more of these things in the world. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Kung Fu'ed

This happens to me all the damn time. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Eat It

Oh dear. I need to get a new scanner, so I don't belabor all of us with cartoons from the past. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Jesse

Hello, it is Thursday again, and I am in love. My name is not Jesse. I drank lots of shitty beer in the late 1980s, though. Do you think the monster in this cartoon looks like a monster? I'm not sure, but it does look like a big beercan type thing. That is what I was after. CM EVANS CARTOONS

Cartoon - ONE MORE

Truly, a gift for the person who has everything they could ever imagine. CM EVANS CARTOONS

Cartoon - Love Hate

Hey, is it really Friday the 13th today? I don't think you've really been loved, or loved someone, until something like this happens to you. If you still have no idea about what I'm writing about, substitute "cliff" with "car", "restaurant", "house", "train", "bike", "vacation", whatever. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Freak

There's a story about the guy who took a long journey to far away lands, where he met interesting people and had many adventures. He started out as a young idealist, and halfway through his journey he lost his faith through sickness and suffering, but in the end he returned home with a greater appreciation for both the follies of mankind, and the compassionate nature of the human imagination. To the end of his days he held what he experienced in the precious cave of his heart, or the bottomless pit of his head. Or, until his last breath in the cottage his great grandparents built on Cape Cod, in fall, he was still mad at the soiled parking lot attendant at the Mungo Street Parking Garage. Or, rather, in Arizona he only imagined once being insulted in the Mungo Street Parking garage -- he got the memory of this from a story told to him by a drunk friend at Callahan's or Bruno's or The Italian Village or whatever that bar was at 3 o'clock in the morning, in Chicago. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Find Jerk

Ok -- where is he? He knows he's there. This time we have a shot at identifying him. Which one? Don't let him fool you. He's hiding in plain sight! Is it that guy in the middle? Or the funny guy on the end? The short feller? The tall one? Go ahead -- pick! I'm sure they're all jerks. CM EVANS CARTOONS

Cartoon - Right Now

Have a happy Tuesday. CM Evans Cartoons.

Cartoon - Business Business

I heard William Burroughs say, "Nobody does more harm, than someone who feels bad about doing it." I laughed. That was back in the mid 1980s, when I was young and stupid. Today I'm still stupid, and not younger. But cheer up, or I'll cheer up. CM Evans Cartoons.

Cartoon - Leaving Hell

I'm in a good mood, now that I'm on my way outta Hell. Hey -- wait a minute. Damn it!! CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Run Silent

So I got two DVDs -- "The Passion" and "Run Silent, Run Deep" and after watching both of them I think they are basically the same movie -- except one is about submarines & the other is about not about submarines. That is why I drew this here cartoon. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - I Agreed

I try to be clear and write things down, sometimes, to be clear so I know what is happening -- but often it turns out I'm not clear at what is happening in any way. It could be better to be quiet and keep to small talk about plumbing fixtures, sports, or whatnot. CM EVANS CARTOONS

Cartoon - Disclosure

For this cartoon, I wrote something funny on a post-it, stuck the post-it on a rock, and threw the rock onto my roof. That is a sort of a non-disclosure agreement. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Little F

Do you have this problem? I seem to have this problem. It can't be all my fault. Please say it isn't all my fault. I think it must be your fault. Why did you do this to me? CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - This

I'm baaack. New printer/ scanner installed. Did you miss me? CM Evans Cartoons

CM Evans -- Posting Delays

I have not quit posting! My scanner/ printer's power supply died about a week and a half ago, and the replacement one should be arriving any day now. Look for new posts here, soon.

Cartoon - Passive Aggressive Leg Yoga

Next stop -- passive aggressive leg yoga! Have you tried it out? I feel so relaxed now. I had a migraine and it just absolutely dissipated like magic when I tried out this form of exercise. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Just Fine

We all need to stop feeling so guilty. I don't know about the glue part -- keep as many brain cells as you can -- one never knows when they'll come in handy. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon -- Mayor of Board

Ah, the Mayor of Board. I have to get out there someday. I think Board is about 5 miles west of Kaskaskia, IL. Speaking of Kaskaskia, after years of decline, the town is on the way up, in terms of development -- HP and Microsoft are considering opening a "high tech" campus there, due to all the skilled hi tech workers who live in the surrounding areas. Of course, the Illnois University of Kaskaskia is another incentive, as well as the Kaskaskia Center for Humanities and the Kaskaskia Research Center for Quality Assurance. Anyways, I have a few other cartoons that I've been doing, look for another distasteful one tomorrow. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Microphone

You can't see me in this cartoon, but I'm just off to the right, trying to get in line so I can read my work. I'll probably not have time to read. I'm not cool enough. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - CARTOONMANHAT

The following has nothing to do with the hat cartoon, but here goes: You want ribs for dinner? Hotdogs? Pizza? Sloppy Joes? Spaghetti? Mac n cheese? Tacos? Chicken chow mien? Lasagna? Steak tartare? Mustard on a dry chunk of bread? Barbed wire soup? Gasoline biscuits? Corpse flambe? Steamed 1,000 lb bomb, or, would you care for the "Murder Everyone Who Can't Decide What To Have For Dinner Because They'll Be Mad Over Whatever I Choose To Eat", special? CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Superman Underpants

I think about all the problems Superman must have in this world of ours, if he really did exist. He's be breaking things all the time. And then there's jokes about underwear and underpants. HA HA HAW! See how my mind works? CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Fire Truck

Here's a swell fire truck, drawn by Daniel, age 3 and a half. Daniel assures me this picture is in every way the embodiment of fire trucks, fire men, fire dogs, fire houses, and fire fighting. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Nobody

Heeelllo...I'm back. I'm writing lots over at my writing blog. But back to cartooning. I did this cartoon for Dear Sir, an lovely online journal or writing, art, and whatnot by equally lovely Sandra Huber. I don't know if she will accept it for an upcoming issue, but I am amused with the concept, so I figured I'd share. I see I have 4! people following this blog. I won't let ya down. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - I Stopped

Hey, I have three people following this blog. Fantastic! Thanks for stopping by, when you do. Here's the latest. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Enjoy

I drew the first version of with with just A. and B. options. Then when I was scanning it, C. popped into my head, and I think it made the concept funnier. But using the two versions serially is even funnier, I think. And I rarely work in serial fashion. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Mostly

Shhhhhhhh. I didn't say this, draw this, or write this. I found it. Yeah. That's right. I found it OUTSIDE, far away when it started to...snow. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Wig Toss

Not much to say. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Why I

Oh isn't it simple why we decide to like, or not like one another. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Nerf Dart

Back to regular Tuesday/ Thursday updates. The writing muse is gone. The cartoons clamor for contentment. Nerf guns and projectiles have been liberally employed in the Opium Magazine Literary Death Matches. I was partially responsible for this, encouraging mayhem and chaos (in a fun way) whenever I can. But you must be careful not to go too far. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Fred the Alien

I'm back at updating the cartoon website after a few months of not doing much updating, I was writing, but now the muse has apparently gone off to New Jersey, or somewhere like that. I have no idea when she will be coming back. As far as I know, there is no muse for cartooning, and I have lots of them laying here and there, like a huge amount of autumn leaves. Here's a poignant little cartoon that will be going out in the next Opium Magazine, I'm sure you will appreciate it. And hey! We're getting close to 1,000,000 hits on the site. I know it took about 8 years to get there, and other sites get 1,000,000 hits a day, but thanks anyways. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Memorial

I gotta get me down to Memphis some day soon. I could take the train. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Quiz

Cartoon - Mike Hill

Cartoon - Juan the Onion I

Cartoon - Burt Buys

We hit the Tuesday update. here, today, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, rain, after snow, snow, snow, snow, and snow. Tomorrow, one of my favorite days, April 1. Whoop whoo! CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Headless Letterman

I missed the Tuesday update -- I've been writing up a storm over at my writing blog Giganticjet. Some good stuff is up there. This lopsided creative path happens in one direction or the other, from time to time -- but not often. Some Bodhidharma-Taoist-Zen muse really got me in a headlock, and away I went. I've also been planning a new Literary/Art website called Intercontinental Paper Airplane, with my friend Jason, who hosts CM EVANS CARTOONS. I don't know when we'll go live, but soon, I hope. It is about time for me to run my own webzine, after helping, contributing, and editing so many venues over the years. I also found out McSweeney's is coming out with the big cartoon book with 200+ illustrations from famous (and not so famous) humorists, it is going to press as I write this. And I'm in it. A few weeks ago I was starting to get bummed that not much was happening, but now I'm feeling better -- the wheels were turning all by themselves. As for today's update -- I don't know what it truly signifies. But I liked it when I drew it. I hope you like it. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Question

This cartoon was floating around in my files, I dug it out and I liked it. I can't believe I can remember every single cartoon and drawing I've ever done. When it comes to my writing, or poetry, not so much. Which is nice, to be surprised from time to time somewhere in my creative output. Probably the reason I can remember every cartoon I've ever drawn is because the style has never changed much since day one, going back to about 1982. Yeah, one day in 1982, sitting in the back of the English Lit classroom, bored, with a blue pen and some pilfered copy paper -- that is where it all began. If you find that hard to believe, ask Evan. He'll tell you. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Yellow

I'd like to write something specific for this cartoon, other than it is yellow, made of post-its, plus black magic-marker. And I just did it today. But I don't feel like saying anything else, because sometimes talking about the horizontal positioning verses vertical tension, and the overblown yellowness of it, calculated to bother people -- plus how puerile the first part of it, is. Instead, I'll print the following 2 stories:

1.

Chung Tzu Says Do Something Nice - or - How So

"Do something nice, for a change." says Chung Tzu.

I clean the stove. I put the burner grates in the dishwasher, and set the washer on "Pot Scrub".

"Nice try." says Chung Tzu.

"How so?" I shoot back.

"How so, indeed!" yells Chung Tzu.

2.

Chung Tzu and Stove Parts

Chung Tzu comes over with his friend, Stove Parts. They both look at the glistening, put together stove that I cleaned.

"What do you think?" asks Chung Tzu.

"Oh, I think he did a good job." says Stove Parts.

"Was he nice when he did it?"

"Nice enough, I think. But he could work on being nicer."

"Well, okay, kid." says Chung Tzu. "You shouldn't argue with an expert. You passed."

"Thanks so much" I say.

"But don't forget I'm watching you!" says Chung Tzu as he and Stove Parts leave.

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CM EVANS CARTOONS

Cartoon - Ticket

I keep getting a ticket, and I keep missing the Infinity Express. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Cocktail

I'm back. Did anyone notice I was gone? I was away longer than I thought, and I missed posting to the site. I did keep updating the writing website. I've got a bunch of new work I did for Todd, he has a new edition of Opium Magazine .print coming out soon. I hope he uses some of it. Twice weekly updates, starting again, now. No, I'm serious, not kidding. Back to work. CM Evans Cartoons