Cartoon - I Was Lookin'

Hey -- June is just around the corner! And with all the bird songs and exploding green, with the world alive and pulsating in every rattling atom, I've learned after considerable experience that folks don't like it when I stare this way. Apparently, I don't always know what the face I have is doing. Can that be written the way it was written? Miss Calhoun, my old English Composition teacher from High school, would have jumped out the window if I turned this post in for a creative writing assignment. Actually, I was the kid pretending to jump out the window, in High School -- not because I was suicidal, but because it was so damn funny to pretend to hurl myself out the window. Now I'm very sober, tame and responsible seeming. Hup! CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Jack Mind

You can do this as much as you'd like, and nothing will happen -- and I'm not suggesting any Zen lesson to be learned. Or, if you do this all the time, something will happen, depending on how loaded you are. For Jack, right after the 25th hour of concentrating, he saw the bottle suddenly animate into a sword-wielding ninja who looked like Harry Potter, and the ninja chased Jack around the apartment and somehow Jack ended up on Main Beach totally naked with a shell in one hand and a joint in the other, with no lighter to be seen for miles. Then, police, police, police, and the sheriff. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Cough Needle

It isn't illegal, unethical, or immoral -- even suspect -- for the doctor to say things like, "We need to do some tests to check for ____________. The procedure will involve sticking some big needles in your ass cheeks and making them flex with an electric current to see which cheek flexes the least. Then we'll know the answer!"

It isn't like he is asking permission to light your hands on fire, or hit you in the head with a brick, right? Or throw you into a pool of electric eels, or blow a building up around you. Or seal you in a trunk full of broken glass & send you off Niagara Falls, or tie your body to the prow of a battleship and ram an iceberg.

Which reminds me of a dream I had last night. There was some kind of problem, and the solution for it was quite simple and sane:

1. Dress up like a banana
2. Eat bananas

If you have any problem you cannot solve, try those two steps. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Hippies for Sale

I had a dream last night that I was on an important Panel or Review Committee of Standards. I represented "Reality" -- or I was there as a real person, to answer questions by the dream people about what was considered to be "Real" vs "Unreal". Sitting on the committee were persons representing the Unconscious, and the Ego. We all got along quite well, and there was a large seating area, like an amphitheater, where participants could ask us questions. For instance, during the conversation, they'd ask me things like -- "Are intelligent locoweed dolphins with psychic abilities considered real?" And I'd respond, "No, intelligent locoweed dolphins with psychic abilities are not considered to be real." Or they'd ask me, "Are pulsating orange & yellow musical mountains made out of books, where thimble people weave baskets out of sunshine, naturally occurring?" and I could comfortably respond, "No, these kind of features are not naturally occurring." Many misconceptions were clarified during the session of the Review Committee of Standards. It proved to be so popular, in my dream, that it has been rescheduled to happen more often -- when again & where, I'll see in my dreams. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Nerd

It was great customer service to have the Tech guy come out and install the TV/ Satellite hookup with qaudraponic surround sound and immersible 3D simulated interface, with 1080i HDV sonic reflexiveness and an ultra-responsive multi-format wireless input tablet device, capable of sending directions to a wide variety of multimedia interfaces and devices, whether blue-tooth, digital, or analog -- coupled with 10,000 shows on-demand and a few thousand local, national, international & specialty channels, spooling online video content and up-to-the minute news flashes from as far away as Kabash, including weather, politics, social media, and anti-viral updates -- but the Tech guy won't leave, he says we are related through my great-grandfather's mother's side of the family, he's issued a few formal demands, and he has been back there for about two days now. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - More

Things go along. I had a dream about you last night -- we were sitting in a car, and I said I wanted to get cigarettes, and you said, "Why don't you wait for a snowy morning? Deals on cigarettes are best on a snowy morning." CM Evans Cartoons