Cartoon - BIG HOLE

Hmmmmmmmmmmm................CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - AS I REACH

Hey diddle diddle. We are at Thursday, today, and the week is almost up. Have you seen any cute blondes today? There was a blonde from Moldova, rumored to be on the bridge of the Italian passenger ship that had a big hole ripped in it, but investigators just want her phone number -- they don't think she had anything to do with it. She's 25, and likes long romantic walks on the beach by the Côte d'Azur, candle-lit dinners, International travel, an apartment with a view of the Eiffel Tower, and expensive cars. She may not want to go on big shiny cruise ships with the captain in the near future. CM Evans Cartoons

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Cartoon - At Bat

Where did the time go? I've been around, had cartoons, but didn't post them. Well, I did move myself to Irvine, CA. Had to tear all the computers down and set them all back up, then unpack the kitchen, and re-shelve 500 books. No complaints. You know, most people fail to appreciate the plunger was not designed to unstop toilets and sinks. It was created for the game "Plunger", which is akin to American Baseball. The game Plunger did enjoy considerable popularity in the mid 1920s on the Eastern Seaboard, notably in Boston and New York, as an alternative to Pool, Hide-n-Seek, or Stickball. Unfortunately, the Great Depression limited Plunger's expansion to the Midwest and West Coast -- with Baseball taking up the slack. Ty Cobb, and many other Baseball legends had their start with Plunger -- the Plunger Bat now regulated to the watercloset and bathrooms around the country, historical lineage forgotten. Alas! CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Calling Out

Though I don't drink anymore, Danny Coyle's is my favorite pub, located in San Francisco. I've made some friends there, and they are always happy to see me. My best buddy from high school, Erik, introduced me to this place. They'll be putting some of my cartoons up there, I think. If you're even in SF, drop on by and tell them I said "Hello". CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Lifejackets

Chung Tzu Can Tell

"Inside it looks like Paris, France, the weather outside like Palm Springs, and the yard looks like the lawn just got cut. Who cut the lawn?" I ask Chung Tzu.

"Well, I know by the way you're asking me, you certainly didn't!" remarks Chung Tzu, and he laughs.

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Cicero and Bicycles / Cicero und Fahrräder

Cicero said, "To philosophize is to learn how to die." And I said, "And you can learn how to ride a bicycle, too!" And Cicero turned around and gave me a good long stare. Ahem.

**

Cicero sagte: "Philosophieren ist zu lernen, wie man stirbt." Und ich sagte: "Und Sie können lernen, wie man Fahrrad fährt, too!" Und Cicero drehte sich um und gab mir eine gute lange anzustarren. Ähem.

Cartoon - 3rd Leg

For anyone new to this site, just kidding about having a 3rd leg, and my week going to shit. I had a good week. Took some punches, but it all ends up they way it should be. This weekend will be good. Now I can really, clearly imagine a French philosopher I've been reading about on a day like this, watching people mowing the grass outside his window. The philosopher recommended to "...skim lightly over the surface..." of life by being rigorously observant to the smallest trivial details we normally dismiss as mundane. I find this to be a good way to live. So keep your eyes open, and possibly write about what you see inside and out. If you grow a 3rd leg, write about that. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Mask Mask

I'm happy to report you can get all kinds of cool stuff in Vista, CA. Real genuine articles for those people on your list that seem to have everything. Take this for instance: Some kind of spooky 'traditional Indian' deer-hunting mask. It certainty screams 'private ceremony' or 'secret initiation'. Heavily stitched from pieces of raw black leather, possibly scavenged from an old motorcycle jacket or road-kill corpse -- it looks like a executioners hood crossed with a satanic stag. The eyeholes see pretty good, but the mouth-hole I believe is purely for show, so don't go running for miles and miles in the dark, or you'll hyperventilate. It has a funny earthy smell, too, but some enjoy this scent. Bonus: the severed antlers are real & attached firmly to the crown of the mask. I'm sure you could get this one for a very reasonable price, and they may throw a flint knife in for free. Or possibly they'd add some socks at a discount, if you want to be really stealthy, sneaking up on people from behind. Happy Holidays! CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Looking at Some Big Long Ones

I was thinking about Lorenzo de' Medici today, I do this occasionally -- it is a natural segue to go to, when considering the intricacies and meditations of American Baseball ...like how far the bases are set apart -- 90 feet exactly. Or, how this is a game where the players can commit 'errors'. Many serious historians of the Renaissance note that Lorenzo was an avid played of Baac'ba, an early precursor of games like Cricket and Soccer (note: Football, for the continental types reading this US post). Baac'ba being a modified 'chase and toss' game imported by Arab traders from the Indus Valley. Philip III of Spain also comes in here -- he was fond of a game called "Baacebal", attributed by the renown baseball historian Walt Swisserson as being one of the precursors of the American game, so I think we are getting at the same thing. Now where was I going with this? I think I am done.

Cartoon - Laptop

Took a 4-day trip to NYC, and I just got back. Weather was gorgeous, not too cold at all. Covered Wall Street/ Lower Manhattan, Lower East Side, East Side, Gramercy Park, Midtown, Tribeca, Chinatown, and even got up to Morningside Heights to see Grant's Tomb. Too much to list, all the people and things I saw. I'll be back to the city again, hopefully in August. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Pot Luck

I get invited to a lot of 'pot luck' events, these days. I chalk it up to karma -- the result of the accumulation of all my virtuous and non-virtuous deeds in innumerable past lifetimes. At least, this is what I tell my auto-mechanic when he asks why I go to so many 'pot luck' gatherings. And my mechanic is Italian, or Filipino, and he didn't ask me. I got the clutch changed on my truck, and I got a good walk in, going back to the house. I had to get something for the next 'pot luck' celebration, so I stopped at a Taqueria run by Welsh people, called "Alimentos de La Tierra de Las Rocas y La Hierba #VI" and I got some Sheppard's Pies con Carne. As I walked the rest if the way home, I tired to figure out for me if I was more Northern Italian, German, or Welsh myself. I mean, if my DNA had to fight itself, and have one ethnicity win out for representation, which would it be? When I got home, I decided I'm so 'pot luck' internally, in a boisterous 'pot luck' culture, with so many other lucky 'pot luck' people, life has turned into one big 'pot luck' for me. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - This Could Be / Translation Carnival

I just got back from camping at the beach this weekend. A good time was had by all. And now this, for everyone's enjoyment. What more can I say? What is more satisfying than a blank billboard, or two frozen treats having sex? CM Evans Cartoons

And now for our semi-regular GoogleMistranslates Carnival:

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Ich bin gerade vom Campingplatz am Strand an diesem Wochenende. Eine gute Zeit hatten alle. Und nun dies, für jeden Genuss. Was kann ich mehr sagen? Was ist befriedigender als eine leere Plakatwand, oder zwei gefrorene Leckereien Sex?

Aš ką tik grįžo iš kempingas paplūdimyje šį savaitgalį. Geras laikas buvo turėjo visi. Ir dabar, visiems naudotis. Ką daugiau galiu pasakyti? Kas yra labiau patenkinti nei tuščią lentos, arba dvi šaldytos gydo lyties?

میں صرف کیمپنگ سے ساحل سمندر میں اس ہفتے کے آخر میں واپس مل گیا. ایک اچھا وقت سب کی طرف سے تھا. اور اب یہ سب لطف اندوزی کے لئے. میں اور کیا کہہ سکتے ہیں؟ بل بورڈ کے ایک خالی، یا دو منجمد کا علاج کرتا ہے جنسی تعلقات سے زیادہ تسلی بخش ہے؟

News - CM Evans Cartoons at Marguerite Avenue

Some of my cartoons are part of a memoir "Hamlet, I Wish I Knew You", by J.S. Breukelaar, over at Marguerite Avenue, an online magazine of the Arts. My work is appearing often over there, so please check it out! If you know of any creative-types who are looking to get their work published, tell them about Marguerite Avenue, and submit.

Cartoon - Schopenhauer

See how my mind works? I see a painting of the German philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer, and I think, "Hey! He needs to be smiling more. And I think he needs a candle, and a drink! And he needs ALL his hand written notes from the last few months! And these papers have to piled high all around him! And this all makes him EVEN HAPPIER! So I draw this up lickety-split, ignoring everything else, like getting my truck fixed, or calling the bank. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Plywood

It's cool! I imagine arguments between fictitious people, who are experts about things I know nothing about, and then I draw cartoons about them. Then I have no time to argue with real people, who are experts in real things, which I know nothing about.

And by the way, I still know more about plywood than you do -- like in a million, trillion, years. Sorry. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Romeo and Juliet

I think social media has changed everything nowadays, so the past dramas are basically unrecognizable, plot-wise, and things like Shakespeare could use a very good & vigorous updating. I'd write more about this, but let us all consider carefully, before whatever else happens. I'll also admit, frankly, that 14 ton blocks have nothing to do with what I'm suggesting here -- I threw that one in (literally and figuratively) because 14 ton blocks are funny when the fall on unsuspecting people. Monty Python proved this over and over again. I looked for a company in China that makes 14 ton blocks, and there are a few, but for the cost of shipping, it isn't worth it. So when you look at my cartoon, note that this is a 'domestically manufactured' Italian 14 ton block, made from local sands and gravels found in and about the town of Verona. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Trouble

No it really is stuck, and it isn't funny, and you can stop laughing, and pick up the cookies and tea you spilled all over the floor. And you can stop laughing more, rolling around the floor, jostling me and making it worse -- and everyone does not need to find out about this 'right this instant' on twitter, FaceBook, and other online places where people gather. Oh gee. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - MOUSE

They say if I'm very savvy**, and I want to capture an audience, I should blog 1500 words per day. I should pick topics. Like Leprechaun Facts. I never know which post will be popular. So I've given up on trying to make sense of it. Joe Bowling of Laguna Beach, CA dresses like a mouse every day. Why do I expect him to do otherwise? CM Evans Cartoons

**Joe, my Afrikaanse boer pal vertel my hierdie storie oor 'n wilde koei en' n berg: Die koei kon nie uitwerk hoe lank die boom by die basis van die eerste heuwel was, die dorings op die Suid-kant te vermy, vir die seëningevan die land geeste.Wanneer die lug is blou, die boom verskyn te word blou.Wanneer die lug is grys, die boom verskyn grys moet wees.Die boom verskyn het niks, maar die koei, die koei.Die boom verskyn te anythung maar die boer, die boer.Beide die koei en die boer het gekrap en kon nie sien nie die boom by die basis van die eerste heuwel.

Cartoon - Holdover

Ahhhh! Attempting to fix one's problems through examples set forth by Greek Mythology, or by employing brute, savage force. I have a soft spot for Mr. Hercules, and his refreshingly direct way at thinking. He made that lion skin work. He could unlock doors with a club. He could wrassle, punch, shoot a bow into the sun, and give good accounting in a set-to. Proto-Superman, a hero before comic-books were comics. Big man in the days when you made it big by being painted on vases, and your profile was chiseled onto stone walls.

"He looked black as night with his bare bow in his hands and his arrow on the string, glaring around as though ever on the point of taking aim. About his breast there was a wondrous golden belt adorned in the most marvelous fashion with bears, wild boars, and lions with gleaming eyes; there was also war, battle, and death...."

Homer, The Odyssey, Book XI

Impressive, erratic, given to extremes, crazy, dogged, and loyal. Capable of bumping a pretentious God off the sidewalk on his side of the street. For Hercules, Kryptonite had not been invented yet. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Just the Stock Market

When I woke up this morning, I had a weird feeling something was not right -- then I hear the world financial markets were crashing one after another like flaming catastrophic 1,000 foot tall dominos, spreading monetary and econometric chaos far and wide, shaking stalwart financial institutions into quivering lumps of quaking jelly, THEN all was well. Or at least, I joined the present moment and I was glad with the things I have at hand. I think I'm going to get out of town this weekend, and go to Lake Henshaw and hang out with a bunch of recovering alcoholics. The're always a fun bunch of kooks to meet. Take it easy today, and help out any way you can. Straight at them and never-mind the maneuvers! CM Evans Cartoons

And now for the translation for my pals in Macedonia:

Кога се разбудив утрово, имав чуден чувство нешто не е во право - тогаш слушам светските финансиски пазари се паѓа еден по друг како огнени катастрофални 1.000 метри висок dominos, ширење на монетарната и економетриски хаос далеку и широко, тресење здрав финансиски институции во треперат грутки на трепетлив желе, тогаш сите беше добро. Или барем, се приклучив на овој момент и ми беше мило со работи кои ги имам при рака. Мислам дека ќе одам да го напуштат градот, овој викенд, и да си одат до езерото Хеншоу и се закачам со еден куп за наплата на алкохоличари. The're секогаш забава куп kooks да се исполнат. Полека и денес, и помогне било кој начин можете да. Право во нив и никогаш не ги предвид маневри!