Cartoon - The Big Cheese

"...If you're running low on arrows, and you are near Ben Sala & you haven't cleared out the mine directly behind the town, you can do a bit of what I call "Arrow Farming" -- go to the mine entrance, and get the skeleton archer's attention, so he starts shooting at you. Now, position yourself just a bit behind the biggest boulder at the inside of the mine entrance, just enough so the archer will keep shooting at you, but not enough to get hit with an arrow. He'll shoot at you for hours -- when you're satisfied with the amount of arrows, go pick them up. If you position yourself just right, the archer will be shooting at the edge of the boulder and the arrows will ricochet to the outside of the mine entrance where you can pick them up, then go back and continue getting shot at..."

From an Old Email
CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - I Try To

There was a great deal of change, evolution, and uncertainty. During these times of change, or revilement, I would look to see where we were going and familiarize myself with any new documents, wireframes, or technology that would be used next, or we were developing. When I was loaned for a time to test on the Heebie Jeebie's team, I quickly familiarized myself with their program and function and tested to specification when they needed the help. In the end, nothing mattered, but I did this anyways, because it was expected of me. During the focusing and refocusing the needs, scope, and function of the program, I never lost sight of the big picture and was motivated to continue to produce efficiently in any change or unknown. This was particularly challenging being remote and 2 time zones away from the major portions of the team, and the fact we were all looking for scapegoats to blame the whole mess on. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Stranded

Here is a new post. I can't say much about it. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - BIG HOLE

Hmmmmmmmmmmm................CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - AS I REACH

Hey diddle diddle. We are at Thursday, today, and the week is almost up. Have you seen any cute blondes today? There was a blonde from Moldova, rumored to be on the bridge of the Italian passenger ship that had a big hole ripped in it, but investigators just want her phone number -- they don't think she had anything to do with it. She's 25, and likes long romantic walks on the beach by the Côte d'Azur, candle-lit dinners, International travel, an apartment with a view of the Eiffel Tower, and expensive cars. She may not want to go on big shiny cruise ships with the captain in the near future. CM Evans Cartoons

Just Say NO to SOPA and PIPA

Down with censorship! Down with any kind of Internet Blacklisting! Sign the petition!

Cartoon - At Bat

Where did the time go? I've been around, had cartoons, but didn't post them. Well, I did move myself to Irvine, CA. Had to tear all the computers down and set them all back up, then unpack the kitchen, and re-shelve 500 books. No complaints. You know, most people fail to appreciate the plunger was not designed to unstop toilets and sinks. It was created for the game "Plunger", which is akin to American Baseball. The game Plunger did enjoy considerable popularity in the mid 1920s on the Eastern Seaboard, notably in Boston and New York, as an alternative to Pool, Hide-n-Seek, or Stickball. Unfortunately, the Great Depression limited Plunger's expansion to the Midwest and West Coast -- with Baseball taking up the slack. Ty Cobb, and many other Baseball legends had their start with Plunger -- the Plunger Bat now regulated to the watercloset and bathrooms around the country, historical lineage forgotten. Alas! CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Calling Out

Though I don't drink anymore, Danny Coyle's is my favorite pub, located in San Francisco. I've made some friends there, and they are always happy to see me. My best buddy from high school, Erik, introduced me to this place. They'll be putting some of my cartoons up there, I think. If you're even in SF, drop on by and tell them I said "Hello". CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Lifejackets

Chung Tzu Can Tell

"Inside it looks like Paris, France, the weather outside like Palm Springs, and the yard looks like the lawn just got cut. Who cut the lawn?" I ask Chung Tzu.

"Well, I know by the way you're asking me, you certainly didn't!" remarks Chung Tzu, and he laughs.

---

Cicero and Bicycles / Cicero und Fahrräder

Cicero said, "To philosophize is to learn how to die." And I said, "And you can learn how to ride a bicycle, too!" And Cicero turned around and gave me a good long stare. Ahem.

**

Cicero sagte: "Philosophieren ist zu lernen, wie man stirbt." Und ich sagte: "Und Sie können lernen, wie man Fahrrad fährt, too!" Und Cicero drehte sich um und gab mir eine gute lange anzustarren. Ähem.

Cartoon - 3rd Leg

For anyone new to this site, just kidding about having a 3rd leg, and my week going to shit. I had a good week. Took some punches, but it all ends up they way it should be. This weekend will be good. Now I can really, clearly imagine a French philosopher I've been reading about on a day like this, watching people mowing the grass outside his window. The philosopher recommended to "...skim lightly over the surface..." of life by being rigorously observant to the smallest trivial details we normally dismiss as mundane. I find this to be a good way to live. So keep your eyes open, and possibly write about what you see inside and out. If you grow a 3rd leg, write about that. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Mask Mask

I'm happy to report you can get all kinds of cool stuff in Vista, CA. Real genuine articles for those people on your list that seem to have everything. Take this for instance: Some kind of spooky 'traditional Indian' deer-hunting mask. It certainty screams 'private ceremony' or 'secret initiation'. Heavily stitched from pieces of raw black leather, possibly scavenged from an old motorcycle jacket or road-kill corpse -- it looks like a executioners hood crossed with a satanic stag. The eyeholes see pretty good, but the mouth-hole I believe is purely for show, so don't go running for miles and miles in the dark, or you'll hyperventilate. It has a funny earthy smell, too, but some enjoy this scent. Bonus: the severed antlers are real & attached firmly to the crown of the mask. I'm sure you could get this one for a very reasonable price, and they may throw a flint knife in for free. Or possibly they'd add some socks at a discount, if you want to be really stealthy, sneaking up on people from behind. Happy Holidays! CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Looking at Some Big Long Ones

I was thinking about Lorenzo de' Medici today, I do this occasionally -- it is a natural segue to go to, when considering the intricacies and meditations of American Baseball ...like how far the bases are set apart -- 90 feet exactly. Or, how this is a game where the players can commit 'errors'. Many serious historians of the Renaissance note that Lorenzo was an avid played of Baac'ba, an early precursor of games like Cricket and Soccer (note: Football, for the continental types reading this US post). Baac'ba being a modified 'chase and toss' game imported by Arab traders from the Indus Valley. Philip III of Spain also comes in here -- he was fond of a game called "Baacebal", attributed by the renown baseball historian Walt Swisserson as being one of the precursors of the American game, so I think we are getting at the same thing. Now where was I going with this? I think I am done.

Cartoon - Laptop

Took a 4-day trip to NYC, and I just got back. Weather was gorgeous, not too cold at all. Covered Wall Street/ Lower Manhattan, Lower East Side, East Side, Gramercy Park, Midtown, Tribeca, Chinatown, and even got up to Morningside Heights to see Grant's Tomb. Too much to list, all the people and things I saw. I'll be back to the city again, hopefully in August. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Pot Luck

I get invited to a lot of 'pot luck' events, these days. I chalk it up to karma -- the result of the accumulation of all my virtuous and non-virtuous deeds in innumerable past lifetimes. At least, this is what I tell my auto-mechanic when he asks why I go to so many 'pot luck' gatherings. And my mechanic is Italian, or Filipino, and he didn't ask me. I got the clutch changed on my truck, and I got a good walk in, going back to the house. I had to get something for the next 'pot luck' celebration, so I stopped at a Taqueria run by Welsh people, called "Alimentos de La Tierra de Las Rocas y La Hierba #VI" and I got some Sheppard's Pies con Carne. As I walked the rest if the way home, I tired to figure out for me if I was more Northern Italian, German, or Welsh myself. I mean, if my DNA had to fight itself, and have one ethnicity win out for representation, which would it be? When I got home, I decided I'm so 'pot luck' internally, in a boisterous 'pot luck' culture, with so many other lucky 'pot luck' people, life has turned into one big 'pot luck' for me. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - This Could Be / Translation Carnival

I just got back from camping at the beach this weekend. A good time was had by all. And now this, for everyone's enjoyment. What more can I say? What is more satisfying than a blank billboard, or two frozen treats having sex? CM Evans Cartoons

And now for our semi-regular GoogleMistranslates Carnival:

--- --

Ich bin gerade vom Campingplatz am Strand an diesem Wochenende. Eine gute Zeit hatten alle. Und nun dies, für jeden Genuss. Was kann ich mehr sagen? Was ist befriedigender als eine leere Plakatwand, oder zwei gefrorene Leckereien Sex?

Aš ką tik grįžo iš kempingas paplūdimyje šį savaitgalį. Geras laikas buvo turėjo visi. Ir dabar, visiems naudotis. Ką daugiau galiu pasakyti? Kas yra labiau patenkinti nei tuščią lentos, arba dvi šaldytos gydo lyties?

میں صرف کیمپنگ سے ساحل سمندر میں اس ہفتے کے آخر میں واپس مل گیا. ایک اچھا وقت سب کی طرف سے تھا. اور اب یہ سب لطف اندوزی کے لئے. میں اور کیا کہہ سکتے ہیں؟ بل بورڈ کے ایک خالی، یا دو منجمد کا علاج کرتا ہے جنسی تعلقات سے زیادہ تسلی بخش ہے؟

News - CM Evans Cartoons at Marguerite Avenue

Some of my cartoons are part of a memoir "Hamlet, I Wish I Knew You", by J.S. Breukelaar, over at Marguerite Avenue, an online magazine of the Arts. My work is appearing often over there, so please check it out! If you know of any creative-types who are looking to get their work published, tell them about Marguerite Avenue, and submit.

Cartoon - Schopenhauer

See how my mind works? I see a painting of the German philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer, and I think, "Hey! He needs to be smiling more. And I think he needs a candle, and a drink! And he needs ALL his hand written notes from the last few months! And these papers have to piled high all around him! And this all makes him EVEN HAPPIER! So I draw this up lickety-split, ignoring everything else, like getting my truck fixed, or calling the bank. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Plywood

It's cool! I imagine arguments between fictitious people, who are experts about things I know nothing about, and then I draw cartoons about them. Then I have no time to argue with real people, who are experts in real things, which I know nothing about.

And by the way, I still know more about plywood than you do -- like in a million, trillion, years. Sorry. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Romeo and Juliet

I think social media has changed everything nowadays, so the past dramas are basically unrecognizable, plot-wise, and things like Shakespeare could use a very good & vigorous updating. I'd write more about this, but let us all consider carefully, before whatever else happens. I'll also admit, frankly, that 14 ton blocks have nothing to do with what I'm suggesting here -- I threw that one in (literally and figuratively) because 14 ton blocks are funny when the fall on unsuspecting people. Monty Python proved this over and over again. I looked for a company in China that makes 14 ton blocks, and there are a few, but for the cost of shipping, it isn't worth it. So when you look at my cartoon, note that this is a 'domestically manufactured' Italian 14 ton block, made from local sands and gravels found in and about the town of Verona. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Trouble

No it really is stuck, and it isn't funny, and you can stop laughing, and pick up the cookies and tea you spilled all over the floor. And you can stop laughing more, rolling around the floor, jostling me and making it worse -- and everyone does not need to find out about this 'right this instant' on twitter, FaceBook, and other online places where people gather. Oh gee. CM Evans Cartoons