Cartoon - Before

I have a bunch of notes here, but they are all very offensive, so I won't post them. I do have some more offensive cartoons, I will post those over the next few days. One of my favorite pastimes is to sit in public places, and draw cartoons from the disjointed conversations I overhear. That reminds me, during the summer I volunteered time to sit in a gallery in Laguna Beach, next door was a tattoo parlor. Here is the conversation I heard over and over again, all day long:

DRUNK TOURIST #1: Look! A Tattoo parlor. Let's get a tattoo!

DRUNK TOURIST #2: Dude! Are you serious?

DRUNK TOURIST #1: HA HA HAH. Nevermind!

I hope you have a lovely weekend, if you go for having weekends. I might have a weekend, this weekend. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Parade

When I'm bored, and I want to try and figure out things, sometimes I resort to puzzling over Leonard Cohen lyrics. In the song "The Future", he sings:

The blizzard, the blizzard of the world
has crossed the threshold
and it has overturned
the order of the soul

Wow. I can get the "...blizzard of the world..." concept -- but what is "...the order of the soul..."? I wanna know about the order of the soul. Sorry, the Order of the Soul. Or, how the Soul is Ordered. But I looked around, even in real books that talk about stuff like that, and no luck. Lots of talk about souls, and kinds of souls, from all kinds of perspectives & traditions, but no discussion on order.

Oh, well. Some smart person reading this could give me a hint. I'm sure Leonard is sick to death on trying to explain what he was singing about. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Broke

I think the past few years has been tough on a lot of people, and things are getting better, too. On the bright side, there is a bright side, because if there was only a dark side, we'd have no concept of a bright side. You can tell that to someone now, when they feel blue. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Richard III

They were looking for King Richard III of England, because they always wondered what became of him. And now they found him. And then he got fined for illegal parking. But he does HAVE A RESERVED SPACE. Go ahead -- laugh! What other English monarch from the middle ages has their own car-park space? I bet you Parliament or the Queen will sort the rest of the stuff out. Hail King Richard! Fie on you, Shakespeare -- mouthpiece of the upstart Tudors! CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Invest / Reduce

I has a dream last night, I remember it because it was immediately before the alarm went off. In my dream I was in Thailand, back in about 1975, deep in the bush. I have never been to Thailand, which is interesting because the dream was so vivid. It was early in the morning and it had just rained, the river had flooded its banks. There was not a dry place to stand on for miles and miles under swaying trees and deathless jungle. Nearby was some kind of trading post on stilts, blaring out American disco. When I heard that, I turned and saw Andy Gibb wading through the tea colored water with a pretty guide. He was wearing a loose grey scarf and khaki adventure shorts, and he was frankly amazed & amused at the same time, hearing his music being played in the middle of the Thai jungle right after the river had flooded. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Department

So! CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Fish for Survival

I hate it when God decides to drop a fishing trawler on my head, when I'm lost on purpose, wandering around the desert like an idiot. CM Evans Cartoons.

Cartoon - BM Instant Instant

Hello, how I have missed you. How are you? Here is some feedback for you instantly, I don't know if you a ready for it, but here it comes instantly. If you want more, I'm not selling, I'm just giving it away for free until we are all exhausted. Or you could buy one of my t-shirts. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Ha ha ha / Random Button

Sometimes I go to my cartoon website and I click on the 'Random' button for a few minutes or hours, to see what comes up. You never know what might come up. Similarly, I will hit the 'Random' button in my brain and keep typing.Yes, I am in love with you, but I see we can never be together. It must have been four years since they had that fixed right. No, it depends on how far the ends are aligned with true North, not magnetic North. On that side of the street. Every day they show up at about 5 PM and make a lot of noise. What? I'm as meek as a Lamb, and as strong as a Lion. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - My Sweetness

Today is like a big house, full of fun -- half of America has the flu. The second half of America will soon have the flu. Does writing these things, make these things true? Or were they true all along? Try and see the hilarity of life. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Not Every

I have a friend whose cartoons have appeared in The New Yorker, and he said that once you get your work in The New Yorker, then you have to get your work into The New Yorker again. I've been lucky to get my work into places like 'Bottom's Outhouse Review', 'The Smallish Little Literary Quarterly Nobody Notices, But Is Really Brilliant', 'Porcupine Hill Gazette', and even 'McSweeney's Quarterly Concern', twice. Plans for this year: more cartoons. That said, I logged onto my facebook account after not logging onto it for about four months, and I was told 3 people 'unfriended' me. Frankly, instead of being sad or upset, I found it quite exhilarating to be 'unfriended' on facebook. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Please Avoid Looking at this Cartoon

Nothing to see here folks! Or, I was thinking about Star Wars, and the Death Star. Hmmm. The Death Star is the size of a small moon. It shoots this beam and blows up the planet Alderaan, poof! You gotta figure the planet is way bigger than the Death Star -- our Moon, for instance, has approximately 1/4 Earth's diameter, 1/50 Earth's volume, and 1/80 Earth's mass. So the Death Star related to Alderaan can't be more than 2 percent of the planets mass. So that is a pretty huge amount of energy for the Death Star to have, however you want to explain it, to be able to vaporize a planet with almost 100% more mass than the Death Star. And the Death Star totally annihilates Alderaan from very far away, because the Death Star does not get pelted with any debris, so the power source in the Death Star that produces this beam is all the greater in intensity.  That is a lot of energy to be controlling, I wonder how they do it? I bet there were quite a few accidents before they got the vaporizing of planets just right. Where did they test it? If the Empire is so technologically capable, and the Death Star is so fabulously expensive and complex, why wouldn't they use more conventional means to dominate the Empire? It is a movie, I know. But you gotta wonder. Thus I have lost my mind. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Cranes

Happy New Year to all of us, I was out of town, but now I am back. Looking forward to 2013, and all the crazy things it can bring. I hope you have a good year too. By the way, I folded 35 cranes and I got everything I was wishing for, and how. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Artificial

I saw someone doing this. They were going to pile the presents on the bottom half, and make some kind of lamp with the top half. They couldn't figure out why their kids started crying. Then, finally, they swore and said,  "...if people wanted to have one complete Christmas Tree in one room, like everybody else does, and never try to do things differently, then fine." Ho ho ho ho! CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Catch Me a Santa

We got a few more days to go before Christmas, if the world does not end tomorrow. Being that I counted on things to keep going, tomorrow should be a big shopping day for me, to see if I can get any "END OF THE WORLD" discounts. Here's a cartoon I drew back in the day, we had a cat that got her tail stuck on a flytrap on Christmas Eve at about 2 O'clock in the morning, and that is where I go this idea from. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Way Bigger

Indeed, they do turn out that way, often. Who ever bought a Christmas Tree, and it turned out to be TOO SMALL? CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Twinkle Monkey

I've been getting many gag ideas from reading news headlines. I was trying to get hilarious ideas from reading the Roman historian Livy, but he wasn't funny enough, unless you're keen on jokes about his outward seeming opposition of any sort of sedation to restore Rome to a Republic, Livy's supernatural expressions of historical events, or his relevant advocacy of ancient morality. LOL! CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - MAGIC METAL BALL

Hey I wanted to submit some more magic cartoons to the UK publication that will be coming out with a 'magic' theme edition, but the deadline is closed. So here is one more drawing* that crossed my brain**. YOU CAN DO MAGIC TOO!^ CM Evans Cartoons





* Ningún animal fue dañado en la construcción de este dibujo animado

** Mein Geist ist voller zerbrochener Teetassen und alter Käse 

 ^ Gamle psykiatere er ikke så aktiv som gamle bygningsarbejdere

Cartoon - Lookin' Fer More

I first drew this cartoon with the fella holding the two pieces of paper over his head. But I've been drawing a lot of cartoons with 'arms up in the air', so now he's dragging the paper. Two years ago I repetitively drew cartoons of cars going off cliffs. What I really would like, is to work in more bowling balls, squirrels, fire, and taffy into my humor. Wait, nix the bowling balls. Possibly this is a New Years Resolution.

 La primera vez que hizo este dibujo animado con el chico sosteniendo las dos hojas de papel sobre su cabeza. Pero he estado dibujando un montón de dibujos animados con "brazos en el aire", por lo que ahora se está arrastrando el papel. Hace dos años me repetitiva dibujó caricaturas de los coches pasando por los acantilados. Lo que realmente me gusta, es trabajar en las bolas de bowling más, ardillas, fuego y chicloso en mi humor. Espera, nix las bolas de bowling. Posiblemente se trata de una Resolución de Año Nuevo

 CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - THE NEW TRIO

I'm a 'natural', and I'm FULL of brilliant ideas on justabout anything. If you need inspiration, or things to think about, just drop me a line or give me a call and I guarantee I'll overwhelm you with an epic tide of stimuli. Back a bit, DC Comics was looking for new 'superhero' concepts and immediately submitted this. It was no trouble, no trouble at all -- I could do superhero concept creation all day 24/7. I have not heard back from DC and I expected they would be ready to get going -- so to nudge them in the right direction -- here is my latest 'crime busting trio' because I wanted it to be a duo, but then 'Joe Horizontal' showed up with his poetry and had to be included. Enjoy! CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Rabbit Trick

Hey, I'm feeling good today and I've been drawing a lot of new cartoons. There's a UK publication that wants magic cartoons, and here is one that I pulled together today. I don't work with color all the time, my cartoon figure is hard to color -- I can't figure out the tone of his skin. I like his turtleneck and green pants. Who is that guy, anyways? His name is "Hup". Hup and I have been pals for about 25 years. I started drawing him when I was procrastinating in my geometry class, in high-school. Santa Rosa Senior High. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - New Laptop

I guess this is gonna happen next, sooner or later, so I might as well get used to the idea. Plus, the laptop will be easier to keep clean, right? No slots, input ports, or do-dads to trap dust or crap, or add ons, or unapproved software someone would want, that used to ruin your computing experience. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Hardware Store

I did know that fleas cannot drown. I found out yesterday that the head louse can hold its breath underwater. Don't ask me how I found out. One method of getting rid of a lice infestation, is to seal things that cannot be washed in a plastic bag for 4 months. I hear also that olive oil, tea tree oil, and napalm get rid of lice. Lice also don't like living on Mars, asteroids,or the moons of Jupiter.  CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Nina Pinta Hagia Sophia

Let me here update history. I was going to do some kind of cartoon about Columbus and Christmas, but them's the breaks. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Oh Tannenbaum

Ya know, we really have not gotten started with the Holidays here, and a bunch of weird stuff has already gone down. I know it is going to be a strange Holiday Season. I mean, I give up trying to make it normal, it apparently isn't physically possible. When I told a pal about this, he said, "Yeah man! That is a great idea! Why can't Christmas trees be more like that! Then Christmas would rock!"

All said an done, I'm going to give food away as gifts this year. I'm tired of trying to find the perfect gift for each person, unless they want a Christmas Tree. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - And Before Spears...

I'm watching a show about warfare in ancient Egypt. Poop has always been one of the ultimate weapons. The show hasn't talked about poop yet. CM Evans Cartoons

Have a Happy Thanksgiving

I wish all of you who celebrate Thanksgiving, that you have a happy one. If you can celebrate, you should. I am going up to Napa, in Northern California, to see my family. We'll have a good time. For the rest of the world who does not know about the American custom of Thanksgiving, this is when we celebrate our National Victory over the Martian Expeditionary Force, at the Battle of Crispy Hump -- where the Federal Army ended the Mars invasion of the mid 1880s, right after the conclusion of the American Civil War. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Blog Popular

I think this famous quote sums it up:

"Lorem ipsum dolor sit amet, consectetur adipisicing elit, sed do eiusmod tempor incididunt ut labore et dolore magna aliqua. Ut enim ad minim veniam, quis nostrud exercitation ullamco laboris nisi ut aliquip ex ea commodo consequat. Duis aute irure dolor in reprehenderit in voluptate velit esse cillum dolore eu fugiat nulla pariatur. Excepteur sint occaecat cupidatat non proident, sunt in culpa qui officia deserunt mollit anim id est laborum."

                                                      --- Anonymous


CM Evans Cartoons

P.S.

Do me a favor: If you have any buddies in Africa, tell them about me and my cartoon blog. The whole of Africa is ignoring me. 

Cartoon - Cloud Erase

Hello there. I have a huge server farm that I outsourced to Romania, or China. I really don't know where it is, and I want you to upload all your information -- financial and personal, to my Cloud service.

You'll sign a NDA that allows me unfettered access to all of your life revealed in that data, to use any information about you to sell you things, and report you to law enforcement when I scrub your data with elegant algorithms, to see what you might purchase, and what bad things you might be inclined to do.

My service is special that way -- not only do I identify you to advertisers, I also anticipate if you will do criminal things in the future based off your patterns in the data. It is free until you need your information back, or you realize your privacy had been hopelessly computerized into a digital guinea pig I can do experiments on. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - 35000 Toothbrush

This is a first for all of us -- I don't think I've ever cartooned about a toothbrush. I was watching a documentary last night about a cave in France that has drawings in it that are over 35,000 years old. I made it about half way through the film, because there were way too many scenes of scientists quivering with joy as they walked on metal platforms in the dark, backlit by electric headlamps. They found calcite covered skulls, bones, heaps of ancient trash, and I am sure the bark sports-page will also turn up. Bark lasts a long time, if you seal it in a cave.  CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Evil Leader Hut

Gosh, quite a sale here, can you believe it? They hardly EVER have a 50% sale at ELH. I picked up a pair of chrome skull cufflinks that fire poison darts, a hydra shaped tie-pin with ruby eyes, and the ever popular Jugular Slicing Expando Pants, in buff and charcoal grey. I was holding out for the 'bullet returning' navy blue blazer, but they only had it in XXL and XXXL. Oh well, they'll always be a place I want to shop for those hard to satisfy giftees. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Contortional Alphabet

Thing I like about this cartoon -- the background reminds me of a gym or a 'recreational center'. I wasn't thinking of a scene set in a gym or recreational center -- but after I drew the unfortunate contorter, I drew in a few extra cartoon people in the air over my signature. I was going to do some cutting and pasting to move things around, but I liked the feeling of space & observers, so I added another cartoon person on the left and then a wall up there with a door, far away.  CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - New Artisanal Mayonnaise

I wanna write something about this cartoon and my new artisanal mayonnaise, but it didn't work out so good, so I'm crying uncontrollably. Back to making my own custom iron-oxide inks and ginger-beers. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Thrust Lumber

I'm happy we're one day away from the end of the election cycle, determining who will be the President of the United States of America, or the Honorable New American Sisyphus. Then I can get serious and stop making Yoga cartoons.

I was hoping that other candidates would be on the ballot. My ideal ticket would be Tony Bennett as Executive-in-Chief, with Susan Sarandon as vice-President for the PACC party. That is the Peaches And Cream Coalition, an entirely fictitious political organization of my own fertile imagination. They would obviously be 'pro' fruit and dairy products.

If Tony or Susan wouldn't run, I'd settle for a Gene Simmons and Richard Simmons ticket -- please, we need to think of solutions that would do much good for the country. Other than that, I have no ideas. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoons - Happy and Sushi

Did you all survive Trick-or-Treating? My apologies to our international visitors, I realize that most of the world does not hold to Halloween.

I had no costume when I took the kids out to Laguna Beach for the festivities on Oak Street -- the residents there shut several blocks down, and they decorate their houses into Halloween extravaganzas. My children SAID I was supposed to create for my left hand a 'Claw-Like Appendage, Dripping in Blood' -- they said it did not have to be made of metal --  I could make it out of cardboard if I wanted to. Unfortunately, I was busy with work, so I did not show up with a claw, and I caught hell for it. Luckily, there was a spare wicker basket and a extra coat, so I quickly transformed into 'Basket-Head Coat-Hair' and this passed as an alternate disguise, due to the sheer insanity of it.

In fact, some drunk people who saw me as 'Basket-Head Coat-Hair' wished they had decided to be something along these lines. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Happy Halloween

Wishing all you Ghouls, Mummies, Vampires and Witches a Happy Halloween! I'm dressed up as an Early Fall Southern Californian Cartoonist this day. A very good costume, I must say. Not exactly terrifying, but I can get a skull mask or pumpkin head for later, to enhance the costume. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - American Cultural Yoga

This is what I thought I was doing in "Hot Yoga", but they told me it was absolutely untrue. Curse you, Groupon! CM Evans Cartoons


PS. Someone called me and said "What is 'orang Juice'?" And I said "Sugar free orange Juice, why?"

Cartoon - Hurled / aDOoDk RgSCceq

I go look at an old journal entry on my website, and this is what it says:

"qKcibaDOoDkRgSCceq qaDYovqmbo FkAnQBMXtXaZnWrpHm YMOvuEDXVVa DUwrMTJVuMQQKhdG."

Or:

"qKcib aDOoDk RgSCceq qaD Yovqmbo FkA nQB MXtXaZnWrpHm YMOv uEDXVVa DU wrMTJV."

Not to be confused with:

"qK cibaD Oo DkRg SCc eq qa DY ovqm bo FkAn QBM XtX aZnWrp Hm YMOv uED X VVa DUwr MTJV uMQ QKh dG."

See? No? Go read them each again.

I mean, when cibaD goes MXtXaZnWrpHm, you get QBM XtX no matter how many ovqm's or XtX's come along, right?

Exactly!

CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoons -- High and Joan

I go to Detroit, put things on sticks, and I laugh. That's about it. The one on Joan of Arc is pretty damn funny, in my opinion. Some people like fishing. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Only in LA

I'm going about my beautiful morning, a Fall Morning, and here we go. I already have my list of things to do. Not a bad list, all gonna happen, today, today, today. You know how it is. Top of the list is 'getting toilet paper'. Then 'laundry detergent'. You know, I'm looking at my list and I don't see 'do laundry'. I do see I have written 'tame wild horses', and 'become King of France'. Like I said, all gonna happen -- today. See you at the coronation, this evening, bring saddles. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Epic

Oh yeah -- one more cartoon. I have a bunch of them all exploding out onto the paper right now. I can't stop. Wait -- I'll take a nap. An Epic nap. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - New Cartoons

With polls, elections, debates, and Google getting hijacked in Ireland, plus hearing about the whole WOW virtual world being slaughtered by a hacker, I don't know where I was or what I was doing, but I'm back. I think I was in Napa for a bit, for some reason. Try these three cartoons out. I realize that I've been obsessed with pinning objects to other objects with knives. I could talk to a therapist about that. But if I picked a Pirate Therapist, they'd say I was doing just fine. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon Challenge - Most Geniussy

Here is a cartoon for my friend, and valiant student, 'Everything n Nothing At All', who, when I challenged her to give me a cartoon challenge, wrote: "Draw a really frustrated, almost broke college girl. Go ahead, immortalize me!!!"

I hope I hit the mark. I've been there too -- living in the Mission District in San Francisco, in at 10 x 10 room so small I had to turn the bed into a loft, going to SF State. I was always amused that full-time students are not eligible for food-stamps or assistance, because they are full-time students, and therefore classified as someone who is not worthy of being assisted. ; - )

Have a instructive weekend! 

CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Hypno Dude

Let me give a shout out to people who have arrived from Mexico, Indonesia, and the Philippines! Please come back, all, more cartoons to follow.

I have decided to incorporate hypnotism into everything I do, from now on. Starting with my music. Then my everyday casual gestures. Then with the ladies -- whoot whoot whoot! CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Notes

Just the way I am, I can't help myself. If you have a note around, or a list, or a bill, and it has room, I will most likely cartoon on it. Makes for some interesting situations, like with official documents -- ones that go to court and a judge reviews. Well, anyways, what can I do? Why did you leave it around, that paper with some blank space on it, unsupervised? Today is the day for another cartoon. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Too Afraid

So here you are, you meet someone, who you can't make fun of their name. You can't, because just one of their ARMS is bigger than your whole BODY. And you probably get stuck sitting next to them in coach on a flight for 8 hours, and they try to be nice and not completely crush you by folding their arms across their chest. Then you feel extra bad, because you want to make fun of their name, but the person you feel like mocking obviously is trying very patently & graciously not to be a problem, and you are a resentful shrimp with bad manners. People like you go straight to Hell. They go to Hell and God cheers, and the Devil weeps. CM Evans Cartoons



**


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