Cartoon - Ugg Boots

"All of us have a place in history. Mine is clouds." -- Richard Brautigan


Today, I cannot help but watch and admire the fluffy clouds/ Richard Brautigans as they glide through the sky. I see one Richard Brautigan is clearly drunk, heading the wrong way, with its pants sagging and big hat askew, dreamily going against the procession. The other Richard Brautigans flow on, flow on. I imagine rain/ iDEATH will be falling later in the day, by 3 o'clock, most likely. CM Evans Cartoons


我要走出我的墨西哥肥皂剧
我不能成为恶棍或不求回报的情人了
因为我从来不相信的角色反正
 

Cartoon - Out for a Walk

Happy Blue Moon Day! Before we know it, it will be September. Many valuable and fascinating scientific innovations and inventions were concocted in the month of September. Shoelaces, the zipper, the atomic bomb, toothpaste, gum, paper snowflakes, erasers, tin, the motorcycle, paperclips, and toilet paper were all invented during the 9th month of the year. Bet you didn't even know that. Well, now you do. CM Evans Cartoons

Честит Ден на Blue Moon! Преди да се усетим, той ще бъде септември. Много ценни и завладяващ научни иновации и изобретения са измислени в месец септември. Всички те бяха изобретени връзки за обувки, цип, атомната бомба, паста за зъби, дъвка, хартиени снежинки, изтривалка, калай, мотоциклет, кламери, и тоалетна хартия по време на 9-ия месец на годината. Обзалагам се, че дори не знаят, че. Е, сега го направите

Cartoon - Drinking Note

A warm welcome to visitors from the lovey Cayman Islands, Latvia, and Pakistan. Tell 'em I all said 'Hello'. If you want a few cartoons, drop me a line.

Here is another handy thing you can use, I think it could be totally cross-cultural. I wanted to trademark, or copyright this, but I'm too busy right now figuring out how the South could have won the American Civil War. Be well! CM Evans Cartoons

熱烈歡迎遊客的心愛之物開曼群島，拉脫維亞，巴基斯坦。告訴他們，我都會說'你好'。如果你想，請給我一些卡通行。

這裡是你可以用另一種方便的事情，我認為它可能是完全跨文化的。我想商標或版權這，但我太忙了，現在搞清楚如何南方已經贏得了美國南北戰爭。是嘛！

Cartoon - Ant Ladder

I have ideas, and many of them are splendid ideas. One of the best ideas I ever had was not this particular idea, but if you don't think up some bad ones, how are you going to realize the good ones when they come along? So I tell myself in a slightly high cracked voice at 3 AM, carving violins out of toothpaste, building submarines out of tampons, and designing geodesic domes out of drinking birds. CM Evans Cartoons

我有想法，其中許多人是輝煌的想法。我曾經有過的最好的想法之一是沒有這個特別的想法，但如果你不要以為一些不好的，你如何去實現良好的，當他們和你一起嗎？所以我告訴自己，在凌晨3點稍微高裂開的聲音，雕刻小提琴，牙膏，建設的潛艇衛生棉條，和短程線圓頂設計的飲水鳥。

Cartoon - Keeping It Simple

If they say they don't love you anymore, it is a bad idea to follow them around, or send them pictures of you crying. This is also an excellent time to pick up a new time-consuming hobby. Digging tunnels though solid rock mountains, with a pin, is one good meditative exercise. You could, theoretically, go for a new world record. Cherish your freedom! Use your freedom from another to find another who will put you in the same situation you find yourself in now. No! Yes? No! Cherish your freedom! CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon- Me and My Milk

Hey look, a second post for today. Weird. There's a glass of milk in one scene from 'No Country for Old Men' -- a film that I thought I could enjoy and finish watching, but I couldn't go through with it. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Only the Lonely

He reads: Ya gotta act like a winner, if you want to be a winner! That is what this helpful book tells him. An damn it, he thinks, I am winner. Winner, I am! I'm cooler than sliced bread! Stronger than John Henry! Bigger than King Kong! Taller than the Eiffel Tower! Faster than greased lightening! Meaner than that kid who beat me up in Church! More inscrutable (and mysterious), than Winston Churchill! Grander than the Grand Canyon! More mousy than a mouse!! Mouse? More a dragon than a mouse! He drinks a big swig from the whiskey bottle. Shivers. Makes him strong as the awful whole shit goes down. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Bake Bake

At 6.30 AM I had that damn song in my head, the cake song -- and I don't even know precisely how it is supposed to be sung -- and I also had Ray Charles, singing 'America the Beautiful', alternating with the first song. And then I had some Pink Floyd come on by, but I heard it adapted to a psychedelic pipe-organ w/ lots of reverb, followed by random classic rock from the 1980s, in staccato 2 second alternating bursts... I'm telling you -- I'm a damn conceptual design. Come on by, and I'll bake you a cake. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Busy busy

Many of us would like to enjoy a fine night out on the town, make new friends, and influence people. But where to go? How to appear to be civilized? Should a handy prop be carried, for a good pickup line? I love your dress; Can you guess how many jellybeans I have in this jar? No? Yes? CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - One Arm Joe

I wish you all a happy Tuesday. I can also add this: I totally respect each and every one of you, as a person, and definitely not as a thing, or any kind of object. Let us celebrate with 'One Arm Joe'. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Crack

What I don't show in this gag, 15 seconds later the crack I was standing on shot out scalding sheets of steam, and then opened up horizontally by about 500 yards either direction, dropping me into a pool of molten lava. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - What is Behind the Dur? I mean, Door...

Hi, all you wonderful people! Thank you for dropping by to look at my work. I am happy to see some visitors from Egypt. I don't get a lot of traffic from Africa, and I've been pestering many countries in Africa, including Egypt, to come and visit my site here. Another appreciation to Ukraine, Serbia, and Russia, for the traffic. There are a number of cartoonists from Ukraine, Serbia, and Russia that I admire greatly. I hope you all have a wonderful week, more cartoons will be going up later. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Cloud

I think some technological trends are awesome. Computers you can't fix. Why would you want to fix your computer? RAM you can't upgrade. Batteries you can't swap out. Why would you want to do this? Data you can store on the Cloud. That's gotta be the best thing of all. Where is the Cloud? Gee whiz -- it is everywhere! It is safe and secure and distributed over oodles of data centers all over the fricken place. The Cloud is so scattered -- to think you'll ever lose your data, man, you'd have to be crazy to think that. Why anyone would insist on having their own programs that can't be yanked at a keystroke, on their own repairable computer, with their own data concentrated on their own physical hard drive, under their lock and key -- man -- that is soooo PC antique computer vision. I mean, what could go wrong with the Cloud? Oh -- I see a big section of it did crash. Just the other day. No worries -- they got it working again. Yeah. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Click OK

Here's another one for you, don't fight it, you'll probably take down the whole Internet. Just click OK. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Note to Despot

How are you today? I'm here to help -- so just in case you might be on the verge of overthrowing your government, I have a handy list here for you -- notice the first thing is to "Wake Up" -- unfortunately, many strongmen, despots, or dictators don't do this, eventually. Unless they make it to Switzerland, Monaco, or Salinas. It is a damn strange thing to go into a taco shop in Monaco, and the former dictator of Country X is now making carne asada burritos. But they do say, you'll probably have at least 6 careers during your lifetime. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Bruce Slice

When I was in college, on weekends I was the security guard at Chinese Hospital, in Chinatown, SF. I guarded the building where Bruce Lee was born. I did a good job -- nobody ever broke in. I think the rule around here is, on Thursday, I have to post a cartoon about Bruce Lee. I mean, it makes sense to me. I was missing something, I had this gap in my gut, and then I sat down and drew me a Bruce Lee cartoon -- where he can karate-chop anything -- and in his spare time he did -- and all is right in the world. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Planning a Trip to China

Nowadays it seems, if you don't go the China, China will come to you. And when that day comes, you'll find there's a shoe on the other foot, made in India. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Monday BM

I'm a man of few words, nowadays. But let me tell you about BM, or, Blasphemer Mouse. He's the little guy in the mouse-hole that you can't see, but he talks a lot. BM invented himself, many years ago, in the margins of my sketchbooks. You've seen him around here, from time-to-time. You'll see more of him later. No Justin Beibers / Biebers/ Bibbers/ Slbblers were harmed in any way whatsoever, in the construction of the blog post. CM Evans Cartoons

** Update: After returning to this cartoon today, a day later, I must say -- that is one ugly green gradient!  But it is so ugly, I'm keeping it. It clashes so nicely with the grey gradient on the inside of the frame, don't you think? We don't always have to create beautiful, harmonious things. Consider plaid. Or pinatas?

Cartoon - On de Road

Anyways, I thought I would be helpful. Sorry about the stains. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Blessed

How much wood would a wood-chuck chuck, if a wood-chuck could chuck wood? How much coal would he be able to chuck? How many wet phone books? How many peas? CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Great Wall

If a tree falls in the forest, and nobody is around, does it make a sound? If a jumbo-jet is flying and you are on it, asleep in first-class, is it still flying? CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Arrrows

Will we ever truly understand the underlying reasons for the numerical allocation of the Dewy Decimal System? CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Yer Art

Can the pigeon drive the bus? CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Breaking Heart

Ouch. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Google

I've been reading a book on Stalingrad, and look what happens. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Novels

     "A novel is a book of long narrative in literary prose. The genre has historical roots both in the fields of the medieval and early modern romance and in the tradition of the novella. The latter supplied the present generic term in the late 18th century."

    Novel, Wikipedia

Don't be shy, sit down and write me 50,000 words. Go ahead -- it can be on anything, Feel free to take the manuscript pages during the writing, scatter them on the floor at random, and then reassemble them as if written in conscious order. You may wish to be drunk or high on mind-altering drugs/ on the phone while you are doing this, provided you don't get lost in your mind, because I need you to write me 50,000 words on anything you'd like to write about. I'll provide encouragement and some illustrations.

CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Loose

I dunno what I was thinking, or what I was doing. I know I was falling asleep, and I had this distinct image of a supernatural jackrabbit who haunted a tight-knit family for years -- showing up at gatherings, dinners, holidays like magic, and then disappearing when chased by the confused siblings, only to reappear at similar holidays and family gatherings again. I imagined this continued on for several generations, and that all manner of investigators and experts were called in to consult and try to exorcize the creature -- only to fail one by one. Then one day I saw the pepper-and-brown-colored big eared fella stopped being there, and the remaining people were sad that he didn't hop around on the table, spilling the yams and peas no more. What does it mean when we fall asleep with images like this? Lawnmowers made of balloons, policemen made out of papier-mâché, talking granite counter-tops, jet-powered butterflies voting for American Presidents, the list goes on. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Cracks

Jim, my pal, offers me cartoon challenges from time to time. Whenever he does this, I always take him up on it, and I believe the score now is something like 5,000,634 to 5,999,777 for or against me. I am not sure. I do think I am coming out ahead, at any rate. I like to think this way. Can you tell?

Jim writes:

"Just found your other email...What happens to the things that fall through the cracks? My life seems to be a game of lost and found most days. Make me a drawing."

Well, here it is. You, too, could be included in this insanity, if you write me nice and tell me how nice things are in your neighborhood. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Draw Something Funny

I'm going about my business, and I read online that some condemned and notorious criminals from the 17th, and 18th centuries would get executed and have people make books out of their skin. In many cases, small books, for whatever reason. Some of these editions are on display in museums around the world. I guess they would be, somewhere. That kind of story and object of interest is too good to pass up, if you are running a museum. Also, potted plants really liven up a patio, if you're into that kind of stuff. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Invited

Welcome back to Friday -- we were here, most of us, last week. I had a relationship end, so last night I decided to go down to Rampage Junction. It was not too far from where I live -- I've been hearing them whoop it up there at all hours for some time. When I got there I saw that it wasn't Rampage Junction, but more like Sad Bottom Corner, Flatfoot Station, Stupidface Crossing, or Lamebrain Exchange. But that ill said, it could have been me that was the lame in the entire atrocious situation: I was the fellow drinking a ginger-ale. Sometimes what I do goes beyond the pale of all expected, or acceptable expressions of what is considered civilized behavior. CM Evans Cartoons

And now the above, translated into Swahili:

Karibu tena kwa Ijumaa - tulikuwa hapa, wengi wetu, wiki iliyopita. Mimi nilikuwa na uhusiano wa mwisho, hivyo jana usiku niliamua kwenda chini Junction Rampage. Ilikuwa si ​​mbali sana kutoka ambapo mimi kuishi - nimekuwa kusikia yao whoop it up huko masaa yote kwa muda. Nilipofika huko nikaona kwamba si Rampage Junction, lakini zaidi kama Corner Sad Bottom, Flatfoot Station, Stupidface Crossing, au Lamebrain Exchange. Lakini kwamba mgonjwa alisema, inaweza kuwa mimi kwamba alikuwa na kilema katika hali nzima ya mauaji: Nilikuwa kunywa wenzake tangawizi-hani. Wakati mwingine nini mimi inakwenda zaidi ya wigo wa wote ilivyotarajiwa, au kukubalika maneno ya nini ni kuchukuliwa kistaarabu tabia.

Cartoon - Free Range

Wheeldo, wheedle-dee. Wheedle wheedle, whoopo whoo. Whonk whonk, zebo bonk. Doobie-doobie-do. Alexander Calder. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Balloon Twist

Have a twist-free Monday. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Why Do They

In New York, on the spur of the moment you borrow a friend's Armani coat to go to the market two blocks down. You do not particularly care for the Armani coat. The clasps & buttons are too big and the belt-buckle is ostentatious.

Halfway to the store, by pure insane chance, you meet Giorgio Armani. A private car pulls quickly to the curb -- the recognition is unavoidable, he is too close. He notices you, wearing one of his designs & holds his arm out, preventing someone from exiting the vehicle after him.

Giorgio Armani is so close you catch a whiff of cologne, and observe the fine wrinkles in the corners of his eyes.

"Do you like my coat?" he asks you.

"Yes, I do," you lie.

Armani narrows his eyes but smiles, because he knows you are lying.

CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Magic Carpet

I've been reading about Magic Carpets, all about Magic Carpets. These are things we don't have enough of in the world. I think we have none of these sort of things, at all. The stories of Magic Carpets probably are talking about things on another deeper symbolic level. But I want to have a Magic Carpet to fly around on, dressed like a pirate, bombing old ladies in the supermarket parking-lot with eggs. CM Evans Cartoons

--

J'ai lu sur Tapis Magique, tout sur ​​les tapis magiques. Ce sont des choses que nous n'avons pas assez de dans le monde. Je pense que nous n'en avons pas de ce genre de choses, du tout. Les histoires de tapis magiques sont probablement parler de choses sur un autre niveau symbolique plus profonde. Mais je veux avoir un tapis magique pour voler autour de, habillé comme un pirate, en bombardant les vieilles dames dans le supermarché parc de stationnement avec des oeufs. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Fancy Italian

I draw a lot of stuff, birds, cars, trucks, airplanes, and flapjacks. Some folks are asking me, "What is this with all the penis gags lately?" And I say, "What are you talking about?" And they say, "You're posting pics of dicks on your website." And I say, "How can you be saying this?" And they say, "Well, you are." And I say, "No -- as a matter of fact, I am not doing such a thing. These drawings I post are mostly misunderstood. I draw a lot of stuff, birds, cars, trucks, airplanes, and flapjacks -- to prove the point, here is a picture I call 'Fancy Italian'." CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Another One

OK today is a Leap Day in a Leap Year. Here is a drawing for you to print up, and have fall out of your pocket on the bus. Or you can put the drawing in a library book and return the library book to the library. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - The Right Time

Think about it, people. Ignore the burned pork-chops and the broken car muffler. Put down that warm beer or that jigger of gin. Unload the gun. Pencil just don't get the respect it deserves. Don't it? CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Pencil

Someone said this looks like a cartoon drawn in the Midwest, in an outhouse. I can see what they are talking about. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - The Big Cheese

"...If you're running low on arrows, and you are near Ben Sala & you haven't cleared out the mine directly behind the town, you can do a bit of what I call "Arrow Farming" -- go to the mine entrance, and get the skeleton archer's attention, so he starts shooting at you. Now, position yourself just a bit behind the biggest boulder at the inside of the mine entrance, just enough so the archer will keep shooting at you, but not enough to get hit with an arrow. He'll shoot at you for hours -- when you're satisfied with the amount of arrows, go pick them up. If you position yourself just right, the archer will be shooting at the edge of the boulder and the arrows will ricochet to the outside of the mine entrance where you can pick them up, then go back and continue getting shot at..."

From an Old Email
CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - I Try To

There was a great deal of change, evolution, and uncertainty. During these times of change, or revilement, I would look to see where we were going and familiarize myself with any new documents, wireframes, or technology that would be used next, or we were developing. When I was loaned for a time to test on the Heebie Jeebie's team, I quickly familiarized myself with their program and function and tested to specification when they needed the help. In the end, nothing mattered, but I did this anyways, because it was expected of me. During the focusing and refocusing the needs, scope, and function of the program, I never lost sight of the big picture and was motivated to continue to produce efficiently in any change or unknown. This was particularly challenging being remote and 2 time zones away from the major portions of the team, and the fact we were all looking for scapegoats to blame the whole mess on. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Stranded

Here is a new post. I can't say much about it. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - BIG HOLE

Hmmmmmmmmmmm................CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - AS I REACH

Hey diddle diddle. We are at Thursday, today, and the week is almost up. Have you seen any cute blondes today? There was a blonde from Moldova, rumored to be on the bridge of the Italian passenger ship that had a big hole ripped in it, but investigators just want her phone number -- they don't think she had anything to do with it. She's 25, and likes long romantic walks on the beach by the Côte d'Azur, candle-lit dinners, International travel, an apartment with a view of the Eiffel Tower, and expensive cars. She may not want to go on big shiny cruise ships with the captain in the near future. CM Evans Cartoons

Just Say NO to SOPA and PIPA

Down with censorship! Down with any kind of Internet Blacklisting! Sign the petition!

Cartoon - At Bat

Where did the time go? I've been around, had cartoons, but didn't post them. Well, I did move myself to Irvine, CA. Had to tear all the computers down and set them all back up, then unpack the kitchen, and re-shelve 500 books. No complaints. You know, most people fail to appreciate the plunger was not designed to unstop toilets and sinks. It was created for the game "Plunger", which is akin to American Baseball. The game Plunger did enjoy considerable popularity in the mid 1920s on the Eastern Seaboard, notably in Boston and New York, as an alternative to Pool, Hide-n-Seek, or Stickball. Unfortunately, the Great Depression limited Plunger's expansion to the Midwest and West Coast -- with Baseball taking up the slack. Ty Cobb, and many other Baseball legends had their start with Plunger -- the Plunger Bat now regulated to the watercloset and bathrooms around the country, historical lineage forgotten. Alas! CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Calling Out

Though I don't drink anymore, Danny Coyle's is my favorite pub, located in San Francisco. I've made some friends there, and they are always happy to see me. My best buddy from high school, Erik, introduced me to this place. They'll be putting some of my cartoons up there, I think. If you're even in SF, drop on by and tell them I said "Hello". CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Lifejackets

Chung Tzu Can Tell

"Inside it looks like Paris, France, the weather outside like Palm Springs, and the yard looks like the lawn just got cut. Who cut the lawn?" I ask Chung Tzu.

"Well, I know by the way you're asking me, you certainly didn't!" remarks Chung Tzu, and he laughs.

---

Cicero and Bicycles / Cicero und Fahrräder

Cicero said, "To philosophize is to learn how to die." And I said, "And you can learn how to ride a bicycle, too!" And Cicero turned around and gave me a good long stare. Ahem.

**

Cicero sagte: "Philosophieren ist zu lernen, wie man stirbt." Und ich sagte: "Und Sie können lernen, wie man Fahrrad fährt, too!" Und Cicero drehte sich um und gab mir eine gute lange anzustarren. Ähem.

Cartoon - 3rd Leg

For anyone new to this site, just kidding about having a 3rd leg, and my week going to shit. I had a good week. Took some punches, but it all ends up they way it should be. This weekend will be good. Now I can really, clearly imagine a French philosopher I've been reading about on a day like this, watching people mowing the grass outside his window. The philosopher recommended to "...skim lightly over the surface..." of life by being rigorously observant to the smallest trivial details we normally dismiss as mundane. I find this to be a good way to live. So keep your eyes open, and possibly write about what you see inside and out. If you grow a 3rd leg, write about that. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Mask Mask

I'm happy to report you can get all kinds of cool stuff in Vista, CA. Real genuine articles for those people on your list that seem to have everything. Take this for instance: Some kind of spooky 'traditional Indian' deer-hunting mask. It certainty screams 'private ceremony' or 'secret initiation'. Heavily stitched from pieces of raw black leather, possibly scavenged from an old motorcycle jacket or road-kill corpse -- it looks like a executioners hood crossed with a satanic stag. The eyeholes see pretty good, but the mouth-hole I believe is purely for show, so don't go running for miles and miles in the dark, or you'll hyperventilate. It has a funny earthy smell, too, but some enjoy this scent. Bonus: the severed antlers are real & attached firmly to the crown of the mask. I'm sure you could get this one for a very reasonable price, and they may throw a flint knife in for free. Or possibly they'd add some socks at a discount, if you want to be really stealthy, sneaking up on people from behind. Happy Holidays! CM Evans Cartoons