Cartoons - HE WAS SHY

Some people think I don't bother editing my work before it goes out. You'd be surprised how much work can go into looking like you don't ever edit your cartoons before they get posted. To illustrate (forgive the pun), here is the drawing I just did:

























And here it is after I edited it:


I don't know if I should have stayed with "Frail" instead of "Shy" -- but the overall effect has been reached, I think. CM EVANS CARTOONS

Cartoon - Meeting Chair

I tried out an online dating service for 3 months. On the bright side of things, we all made it to Friday, and I just got back from Chicago. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - My Big Chance

I hear people being lucky in life, when they complain about stuff. Especially when they don't realize how lucky they really are. And you shouldn't discount when someone complains, they can talk, think, and they have something to complain about. In the end, I think it all gets spoiled for most folks, when they understand how good things are going. For me, everything was going fine when the squirters on my windshield worked the other day, and also this morning at 5.30 AM when they wouldn't work at all. It gives me a fine point of perspective. When the squirters were working, two of the jets shot over the top of the truck. With them not working, I save window-washing fluid. The truck works through it all, and it is like me, a hooptie. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Schrödinger Cat

I made the big mistake of starting out my morning all happy and carefree, and then I decide to listen to what my purebred Maine Coon, Freddy, has to say. He's got a bone to pick with Schrödinger. He's been waiting a long time to tell me about Mr. Schrödinger. When he was done, I promised Fred that Schrödinger was out. Goddamn it, I said I hate the guy, Ok? I had absolutely nothing to fucking do with it. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Rabbit Fed

I wanted to say thanks to all the people who have subscribed to this cartoon blog. I totally appreciate it. If you think someone might enjoy my warped sense of humor -- let them know! More work to follow. I'm interested in doing translations of my cartoons, so the humor isn't locked into the confines of English. If anyone is interested in giving me translations for cartoons they like, let me know -- I'll be happy to update them. Thanks again! CM Evans

Cartoon - Impossible

I guess it will pass. Why am I so distracted? CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - BOMB GAME 9000

Game design and concepts rolling out now are light-years beyond the old text driven adventures and hi-rez games that pioneered it all.

Just kidding.

How about this: Suppose I could have my computer simulate a mountain of 4 kinds of cheeses that is the height of Mt. Everest and go skiing on it? Suppose Mt. Everest-o-Cheese was also on fire, and exploding? And infested with mutant aliens? Trying to kill me? Being led by a evil scientist? Shooting me to the 5th dimension? Where water tastes like bacon? Where I find out a Man in Black controls everything? Implausible? Game design and concepts so rock today.

CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Buttons

Where would I be without computers and the Internet? Without the cloud and mobile multi-media devices? I'd be bored and mimeographing this on a stolen mimeograph, going out after dark and stuffing these pages under doormats and in the magazine racks of cafes and bars. But I know I've made a deal with the Devil of Nerds. Which isn't too bad, because the D.o.N is afraid of horses, girls, and peeing in public. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Infestation

How did this happen? There's a pirate ship in the bathroom sink, 8 in the hallway, 4 in the living room, a pirate sub in the kitchen, and a pirate race car and airplane in the garage. Also -- where are all the pirates? I feel like I'm going to be ambushed. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Luck

By the time I was on my 5th dream, a good one where I'm going to kill Hitler in 1928 & make it look like an accident, saving the world from WWII, I was bumped-dialed by a person in the middle of the night. It sounded like it was someone calling from Asia, from a phone-booth in a radioactive centrifuge. Some people have no luck. Other fellas make luck like Rumpelstiltskin spinning sunshine out of gold. Both of these types are a menace to society. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - On this Island

Ahhh! The lovely island of Oa-Ka-Tet-Tia. Otherwise known as "Easy Island", or known to the Spanish in the 16th century as La Isla de Empuje Fácil -- probably because of its fortuitous position along the route to the Philippines. I can't say enough about it. A place where you can go and be totally at ease in all things. Where the Ka-ka-Kia birds sing in the morning, a majestic cry, to the pounding of the surf and the tinkling of Mu-Ho-Kelokia -- translated quaintly as Pinch Log Falls. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Today Is Safe

MMMM mmmm mmm! Today is the day, of all fricken magical special beautiful days! They didn't have to make it so special. Better go get them while you can. GO GET SOME. GO! CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon- Cursive

If fewer people read cursive writing, then I can really get on with my secret life. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Know Your Clouds

I'd say more about this, but I don't want to unduly influence you, in knowing your clouds. Have a happy Friday. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Fish Dream

Fish are sick, man, sick. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Bear Truck

It is a long story about how I got to be friends with a grizzly bear, and I've had to go through some some sticky situations with him -- but they mean well. Bears don't have the concept of personal property down, though. At least grizzly bears don't -- I can't speak for brown bears, black bears, or polar bears. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Take this Survey

I'm cleaning up other people's messes this Sunday. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Hunting Report

Here is the Hunting Report. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - TOUCH

You see this a lot -- lots more than you'd think you'd see it. Gosh durn. By the way, everybody knows what you're up to. They all know what you want to do, before you go and embarrass yourself. Why not go and jump flaming buses with a motorcycle, instead? CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Mrs. Whistler

Hello, we got a bunch of new folks here, that have rolled in. Thanks for stopping by. You can see there's a lot of stuff here to look at. I'm making more cartoons now, but some from the past need to be brought to your attention. Have a happy Friday, and a great weekend. God I love Mrs. Whistler. Reminds me of an exchange between Oscar Wilde and James Whistler, after James had uttered some crafty bon mot:

Oscar Wilde: I wish I had said that!
James Whistler: You will, Oscar, you will.

I do too. If only we could keep up with the Wildes and the Whistlers of this world.

CM EVANS CARTOONS

Cartoon - DVD Bacon

Yes, it is a paradox. Don't interrupt the flow. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Have A Happy Thanksgiving

Turkey, big. Oven, small. Turkey, thawed? If no, you still have time to get it thawed for tomorrow, but you'll have to get up at 4 AM to make sure it is ready for the big day. I'm assuming you have a turkey, and all the fixings. Green beans, fake mashed potatoes, yams, pumpkin pie, cranberry sauce, ham, pineapple, cherries, nuts, corn, hawaii bread, sourdough bread, muffins, walnuts, sherry, Mennonites, vinegar, salad, salt, pepper, squash, cucumbers, spinach, doors, windows, table, chairs, napkins, plates, silverware, beer, whistles, whiskey, buckles on your shoes, clean laundry, a smile on your face, and grace. CM EVANS CARTOONS

Cartoon - Fraud

It has happened --we've started the ramp-up for Christmas: here is your first celebratory cartoon of the Season. Don't get me wrong -- I love the Holidays. It is just I've been able to ignore the whole thing up to this point. All this potential giving, ritual joyfulness, drunkenness, and hilarity takes a bit getting used to. So fa la la la la, la la la lah, may you all have money jingling in your pockets and ruddy cheeks. Have fun, don't bum people out -- get the person on your list who is impossible to satisfy that *perfect gift* this year, and stay out of jail. Or at least don't get caught. If you get in a jam, remember you can solve all known problems if you wrap it in bacon. CM EVANS CARTOONS

Cartoon - Yodel

As you can see -- I'm cartooning again. I relocated from Chicago to Newport Beach, and when I got here I was told I needed a special permit to draw black & white gags. I had to wait two months before I was awarded one in the Quarterly Lottery Drawing of the Ordinance to Allow Select Types of Humor Here. CM EVANS CARTOONS

Cartoon - TSA GRANDAD

I've heard some fools saying getting abused by the TSA ain't no big deal, and we shouldn't be such gosh durned persnickety about it. But Grandad is a good barometer for what should-be, or not-should-be, because unlike so many other folks, he does not bother anyone and he's generally completely oblivious -- unless the situation is so clearly bad or out of control, the "informed" of this world are fucking clueless. Go Grandad! CM EVANS CARTOONS

Cartoon - Coming to an Airport Near You

Wishing all of you a Happy Thanksgiving, in advance. If you'll be flying to see the family this year, I'm sure you are looking forward to interfacing with the TSA. It should be a stimulating experience, and your sense of security will be aroused -- travel does bring us into contact with unusual people, places, and things. Plus getting all fluffed up by a big ugly security guard who hates the shit out of you turns some folks on. OK -- forget everything I wrote. Let's be happy. What color underwear are you wearing? If I was a TSA agent, I'd already know by now! HA!! CM EVANS CARTOONS

MOOOO

How are you? I'm on Tuesday. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Sick Bastard

HELLO MONDAY

I do lots of stuff that I don't think is wrong. And going on what happened before, I didn't think it was a big deal to remove mattress tags from my freinds mattresses. Or, I'd go over to someones house and I'd hide kernels of Captain Crunch all over their place, so three years later they'd still be finding it where they least expected it. And the cereal is still good -- it never goes bad. And better than hiding salami in hard to each places -- which I cannot believe I wrote that, how explosively Freudian. One thing everyone should have is a spoon (or fork) cemented above the sink or dishwasher. I explain this will prove to people that if you indeed wash silverware too many times, eventually the utensils will become buoyant and slowly float up to the ceiling. In all of this, my life is tolerable. CM EVANS CARTOONS

Cartoon - Share

I like to share.

Cartoon - NNPD

National Nose Picking Day is coming up shortly, I have been told. But to change subjects -- how many lives have you lived, previously? Lots of them, I imagine. Who do you want to be next time around? I think we all end up being this guy. Living in Chicago. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - The Place We Ate At Before

This has happened to me several times in New York. I don't mind it. CM Evans Cartoons

The Cartoon that Destroyed - Sexy/ Angry

This cartoon was very popular, for some reason. It set out for the land of MySpace and pillaged and burned there, quite considerably. At times, I felt like a mad scientist who had intentionally created a 60 story monster, and set it loose against a weak, innocent, wicked metropolis that deserved to be annihilated. Funny how things spiral out into the internets, and the lives they live. On a side note, I hear tell there is an improved duct tape that leaves no messy residue. Perfect for microwaving sausage. CM EVANS CARTOONS

Cartoon - Mysterious Smell

Hello to L O M B R A S, it is good to see you. Well, now I know where that mysterious smell is coming from. But I still don't know where that mysterious smell comes from. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - WOTW

I have interesting conversations with people. I met a homeless guy this morning at Main Beach Park in Laguna Beach, who told me about the psychic vibrating qualities of the color blue and purple, and then he gave me a detailed account of Julio Gallo, the Northern California winemaker, and how the French dictator Napoleon shoehorned aliens into soldiers bodies for the battle of Waterloo. On this last point, the aliens were very powerful, combined in batches of 8, from three worlds stacked directly above us. He assured me ceratin unnamed scientists working for the Air Force in charge of bootlegging extra pure moonshine, have established all of the above. I came home and cleaned the sand out of the apartment, and I made food for people who wanted food. CM EVANS CARTOONS

Cartoon - Up to No Good

I like this cartoon. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Over-Stimulated

Other than being over-stimulated, I've become so much more relaxed. No more meeting total strangers at a hotel bar, having a drink with them, driving to the airport, getting into a private plane, flying to the border, landing on the road of a private gated community, breaking into the clubhouse, stealing booze from the bar, playing pool until 4 AM, jumping back into the plane when the cops arrive, flyng back to the airport, and getting a cab ride home by 7 AM. Oh, I almost forgot -- on the flight back, holding our beers, the pilot says "OK -- when I tell you to let go of your beers, let go of your beers!" And then he puts the plane into a steep dive several times this way, so you can see how zero gravity makes your beer hang in the air in front of your face. Also, welcome to SRIDHAR. CM EVANS CARTOONS

Cartoon - The Longest Story

Cartoon - Giant Paper Snowflakes

Welcome to our new visitor, superazione. Thanks for your interest; now for giant snowflakes. With scissors this big, I figure it has gotta be almost impossible to pull your hands away if things go wrong. But how many giant paper snowflakes have you seen? Not many, I tell you. There needs to be more of these things in the world. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Kung Fu'ed

This happens to me all the damn time. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Eat It

Oh dear. I need to get a new scanner, so I don't belabor all of us with cartoons from the past. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Jesse

Hello, it is Thursday again, and I am in love. My name is not Jesse. I drank lots of shitty beer in the late 1980s, though. Do you think the monster in this cartoon looks like a monster? I'm not sure, but it does look like a big beercan type thing. That is what I was after. CM EVANS CARTOONS

Cartoon - ONE MORE

Truly, a gift for the person who has everything they could ever imagine. CM EVANS CARTOONS

Cartoon - Love Hate

Hey, is it really Friday the 13th today? I don't think you've really been loved, or loved someone, until something like this happens to you. If you still have no idea about what I'm writing about, substitute "cliff" with "car", "restaurant", "house", "train", "bike", "vacation", whatever. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Freak

There's a story about the guy who took a long journey to far away lands, where he met interesting people and had many adventures. He started out as a young idealist, and halfway through his journey he lost his faith through sickness and suffering, but in the end he returned home with a greater appreciation for both the follies of mankind, and the compassionate nature of the human imagination. To the end of his days he held what he experienced in the precious cave of his heart, or the bottomless pit of his head. Or, until his last breath in the cottage his great grandparents built on Cape Cod, in fall, he was still mad at the soiled parking lot attendant at the Mungo Street Parking Garage. Or, rather, in Arizona he only imagined once being insulted in the Mungo Street Parking garage -- he got the memory of this from a story told to him by a drunk friend at Callahan's or Bruno's or The Italian Village or whatever that bar was at 3 o'clock in the morning, in Chicago. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Find Jerk

Ok -- where is he? He knows he's there. This time we have a shot at identifying him. Which one? Don't let him fool you. He's hiding in plain sight! Is it that guy in the middle? Or the funny guy on the end? The short feller? The tall one? Go ahead -- pick! I'm sure they're all jerks. CM EVANS CARTOONS

Cartoon - Right Now

Have a happy Tuesday. CM Evans Cartoons.

Cartoon - Business Business

I heard William Burroughs say, "Nobody does more harm, than someone who feels bad about doing it." I laughed. That was back in the mid 1980s, when I was young and stupid. Today I'm still stupid, and not younger. But cheer up, or I'll cheer up. CM Evans Cartoons.

Cartoon - Leaving Hell

I'm in a good mood, now that I'm on my way outta Hell. Hey -- wait a minute. Damn it!! CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Run Silent

So I got two DVDs -- "The Passion" and "Run Silent, Run Deep" and after watching both of them I think they are basically the same movie -- except one is about submarines & the other is about not about submarines. That is why I drew this here cartoon. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - I Agreed

I try to be clear and write things down, sometimes, to be clear so I know what is happening -- but often it turns out I'm not clear at what is happening in any way. It could be better to be quiet and keep to small talk about plumbing fixtures, sports, or whatnot. CM EVANS CARTOONS