Cartoon Redux - Le Grant Kalendrier

Posted back on 10/2004. I don't think people have looked at this one closely. I mean, look closely, don't worry -- nothing is going to pop out at you and scream like a banshee scaring the pants off of you. Do you see the cell phones? Ha ha ha ha! One of the tormented (upper right) is even still ordering Chinese take-out. That is hilarious! I crack myself up sometimes, distorting history. I should add some of those stupid blue-tooth headsets to update it all the way. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Interrupted

Totally unreasonable. Gave me a citation for like $500.00. God made high explosives, and God made fish, right? Why can't we use both? Besides, I don't think Boot Lake is stocked with anything, except old boots and Skripes. And those Skripes ain't even a native species. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Clapper

BELL: Ding dong!
WILL: Hey, it's not so bad.
BELL: Ding dong!
WILL: Not too bad.
BELL: Ding Dong!!
WILL: Ouch..what the hell.
BELL: DING DONG!!!
WILL: M***** F***** this sucks!

Ding dong. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - No Nuthin

Well, we made it to the middle of the week. How are things going? Well, I hope. Me, I manage to get along, somehow. Ignorance might not be Bliss, but at time it is close to being Satisfied, before everything comes crashing down in a Perfect Avalanche of Destruction. Gallows Humor? No, not really. I think despite it all, I retain a sunny disposition. Do well, and fear not. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon Redux - Rare Plants

I always liked this cartoon. I was playing with the "Random Cartoon" button on my website and found this today. Do you know how hard it is to draw a plant playing a violin? Try it sometime. CM Evans Cartoons

Updating to CM Evans Cartoons -- Fixed!

Hey, it is fixed now. I can upload to CM Evans Cartoons. Thanks Jason. Last two, below here, are now up & live. Yay!

Cartoon - UFO or Upset Party Favor

Updates go on, here, at Blogger. Website CM Evans Cartoons still has a problem, I can't upload to it. Investigating the issue. Hopefully I'll get it fixed soon. BTW -- I think this is a UFO -- not an "Upset Party Favor". But I have been wrong, in the past. Take me to your leader. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - This Cool Flower

I posted some depressing poems over at my writing blog Giganticjet. So I decided to post a happy cartoon (above) at CM Evans Cartoons. But then when I tried to upload the cartoon to the website, uploading is broken. Hopefully it will be fixed soon. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - FORK HELMET

You can't see it in the cartoon, but under the table, I also have a accordion! Yes, that is correct. A functioning accordion READY TO PLAY. Go ahead, try and stop me. With my Fork Helmet I am invincible. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Now I Need

"Now I Need" -- truly a gift for the person who has everything, an antique fire nozzle. Or an ideal gift for the person who doesn't like anything you give them. Also, perfect for history buffs, collectors of things made out of brass, people with OCD (you'll need to get a hose, a fire hydrant, a old timie pumping truck, period fire men, antique fire uniforms, and an 1880s fire house, period fire dog, period horses, next), the list goes on and on. Quick! Go to ebay and search for "fire hose nozzle" and start bidding for one today! CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - BUH

Oh, second day into the New Year and I felt so guilty! I had been lax on updating the website...traveling to and fro, now in Orange County for a few days...finished my fourth collection of work, called "HOME". I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas and a fantabulous New Year. My only present for Xmas was an old can of split-pea soup. But hey, it is an edible gift, so this too shall pass. BUH!! CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - You Don't Have to Play It

I'm old school. Seriously OLD SCHOOL. How far back? I dunno, I think I drew this "Blue Folio" styled cartoon in about 1885 -- I mean 1985, still in high school & Ronald Reagan was president. CDs were a hot new technology (DVDs were not yet perfected) and we all had to have our Walkmans. ATM machines were starting to show up, New Wave was exploding on MTV and VH1, we were a few years before the first Gulf War. Remember Gulf War I? Kids didn't have cell phones, not even pagers yet, you were cool if you had an answering machine, a beta video tape deck, or an Atari game system. My computer was an Apple II plus with 56K, later upgraded to a smoking 112K with dual floppy disk drives. Did you know the Apple II plus cost about 3K out the door? In 1985! CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - The Game

Sadly, in so many of the conflicts between nations, this is what it boils down to. Brinkmanship and pissing contests. And table-tennis with hand-grenades. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Santa Becomes a Vampire

Sheesh! We all know this is virtually impossible. I mean, he's got that sleigh that flies at incredible speed, all over the world in one night to about 3 billion houses, so you figure he must be nimble on his toes. Plus he gets down chimneys, in and out, he's fat and obviously doesn't fit. AND YOU NEVER SEE OR HEAR HIM! Let's face it, Santa must have some supernatural, ninja-like powers. But a dangerous "elder-type" vampire could put the bite on him...ply the old feller with lots of cookies and eggnog, and whiskey, plus a holly spiced cigar. But are vampires on his Good List? Some delicate timing would be required. Plus Santa has those kickass reindeer that would put up a fight if the old feller gave a holler. Uh huh. So don't even try it. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Eat at Joes

It certainly pays to advertise. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Pick Nose

That's right! It is NPYND -- National Pick Your Nose Day! So go ahead and dig deep. I swear, this is true. Look it up. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon Redux - Not the Bus

Here's a transmission from the past. When I lived in good old San Francisco, first as a starving student, then as a starving security guard/doorman, then as a starving graphic designer, this happened to me once or twice a month. The good news was, it was a free ride all the way from the front, to the part where it crapped you out the back. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Bopped by the MG

Yes, he looks cute as a button, but don't get bopped by the MG. Didn't you ever hear of this little feller? That's actually me in the picture, about to be introduced to a new level of pain. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Smart Smarter

Notice the smarter you get, the dumber you get? Or is that "the dumber you are"? CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon Redux - Have a Happy Thanksgiving

Wishing to you and all your peeps & family a Happy Thanksgiving! If you have any vegans or vegetarians coming by for the celebration, wish them a Happy Vegegiving. Pass the hot rolls. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Point Up

For many people, it can be a tough go at life, if you see it that way. Liars think the whole world is full of liars & lies, idiots see the idiotic in everything, angry mind fights the world & the world seems to fight back. When I meet you for the first time, I'll imagine you to be a big flower. It's weird, I am surrounded by big walking flowers. CM Evans Cartoons

Link Added - New and Improved Stereotypes

I've been neglecting my Links section. Bad bad CM. I'll be fixing that oversight. I just found a blog, via MetaFilter, called New and Improved Stereotypes. I thought the site would be fairly tasteless -- but instead it is quite funny. Shows you can actually joke about stereotypes and stereotyping, without being reflexively branded a rabid "this or that hater".

Cartoon - Wrangle a Ride

Don't try this at home kiddies. Don't try this anywhere, the wagon might get hurt. I was going to title this one "Car Hooker", but that wouldn't quite do, huh? That would be going in the wrong direction. Plus there's the word "Wrangle". Being from out West, when I can use the word "Wrangle" I go for it. It is a word of mine earned by birthright. CM Evans Cartoons

Blasphemer Mouse is in Film

Super news! I just found out two friends of mine (Gary Cohen from Adobe, San Diego and Lidia Sheinen from St. Petersburg, Russia) just got first place in the experimental film category at the Rhode Island International Film Festival for their film short "Happily Ever After". It was their first attempt at film. Here is a link to an interview of Gary and Lidia, at the film festival.

Click on the "Play in Popup" link under "Lidia Sheinin and Gary Cohen - Happily Ever After [29:00m]" link to hear the interview -- and here is a tip -- at about 20 minutes into the interview you get to hear who created the logo for Scared Mouse Productions.

Click here to see the award winning short they made. Here is their blog.

Cartoon - Same View

I use to have a swell time doing clip-art cartoons, and if you've ever done them yourself, mine are better than yours. Like this one, for instance. I like using the word "swell". Hey, I just noticed something -- Bob has freakishly huge hands. Or is that my imagination. Seriously, look at the size of his hand -- it is almost as big as his head. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Coffee to Go

Hmmmm. Has this ever happened to you? CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Steel Wool

I have always wanted to go and do this, but for the same reason, I have not gone and done this. What are all the uses for steel wool? What about alternative ones. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - My Leg My Foot My Sock

My Leg My Foot My Sock. I don't know what it means. Possibly this is about how useful, and at the same time, how weirdly ugly our body parts are when separated from the aggregate. Or it could be secretly about sloppy old socks, the kind you wear when it gets cold and you don't mean to go out -- you just wear those impossibly thick socks indoors. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon Redux - HAPPY ALL HALLOWS EVE

Wishing you a happy slappy dappy Halloween. We're gonna have about 6,000 kids show up at the door wanting candy and I'll give them pennies and apples and there will be a old fashioned riot and my house will get burned to the ground, most likely. Quick costume tips -- old sheet with holes for eyes at the last minute is a ghost costume, but the sheet must be white, no floral patterns. Not allowed to cut up the sheets? Burnt cork smeared under the eyes and floppy clothes with a silly hat makes you a "Bum". Absolutely stuck? Get out the Santa suit and confuse everyone why Santa is early this year. Put burnt cork under your eyes wearing the Santa suit, roll around in the twigs and leaves, throw some mud on the beard, and be a zombie dead Santa. Beware, some mothers of small kiddies will curse you. Have a happy time, even if you are finally 1,000 years too old to trick-or-treat. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Abe Straw

This straw hat is known as a Skimmer. Or a Boater. Popular summer wear in the later 19th and early 20th centuries. So old Abe couldn't be wearing it. But wait -- it could be a Low Derby. But Abe was more of a Reggie Top Hat type of guy. No -- Abe wore a beaver felt stove-pipe hat. And you can buy one of his personal beaver felt hats for about 5 million dollars. I wonder if he had a little card with his name on it, stuck inside the sweatband (or whatever you call it), so if the hat was lost or misplaced, someone could return it to him. If he did, it must a read: --- A LINCOLN, ESQ. 1600 PENNSYLVANIA AVE. WASH D.C. -- CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon Redux - Him Again

I click the Random Button and this one comes up. Ha ha. CM Evans Cartoons

CM Evans Cartoons - Updates on Hold for a Bit

Won't be updating 'til next week -- California wildfires have got me down & worried. We relocated to Chicago from San Diego two months ago, and many places I know and love are now turned to ashes. Our old neighborhood is okay, but many friends and co-workers have been displaced -- amazingly only one person I know has lost their house. Cross your fingers & don't hope to die. There were too many close calls to even think about. Imagine having a wildfire a few miles from the edge of town burn an area larger than the city of New York, all around you. That would get your attention!

Cartoon - Suddenly Arthur

This happens to me all the time, too. Sitting there, minding my own business, then **BOOM** woooo!! Eeep eep eep eeep eeeeeep eeeeep, bing bing bing bing, neeeeow!! Ding dong ding dong ding dong!! CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Soap Box Racer

I take 'em all on, baby. Old ladies, kids, dogs, the postman, squirrels. And they ain't come close to catching me yet, in my SOAP BOX RACER. CM Evans Cartoons

Trouble Posting Images to the Blog

What is up with Blogger? I've tried updating this blog twice, for updates on Tuesday and today, Thursday, but there is some strange problem getting this site to update/post images. I'm tired of trying and failing. Click here to go to the latest cartoon, "Home Plate", at CM Evans Cartoons. I love you all.

Cartoon - Whole Lifetime

Ordering for your entire lifetime. Hey, 620,000 cups of coffee comes out to about 24 cups a day if you live until you're 85 -- counting that you start drinking coffee at the age of 15. But I plan on living 'till I'm 130 -- so the daily coffee drinking goes down to 14 cups a day. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Tell Mom

One benefit of moving -- I go through all my files while unpacking, and I find stuff. I drew this cartoon when my daughter was about 3 months old. I can hear the people with little kids say, "Uh, huh. Tell me about it." Tell Mom, and hurry. CM Evans Cartoons

A New Book in the Works

I'm working on a new collection of short stories, poems, drawings, photographs, and such. The new collection will be called "Home". Many of you know about my previous books, the short story collection "Selected Short Stories - the Vignettes", the poetry collection "Poetry from the City of Brass" and the whopping "Poetry Jamboree" which was the most ambitious, by far. The picture here is one of my paintings that will be in the new book, titled "The Demon". Don't worry, it won't be a gloomy book, but I just got done scanning and touching this up. I don't know how long it will take me to finish the new book, but I've started it.

Cartoon - Sushi Toss

Ever been in a sushi food fight? Watch out for the Uni. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Computer

Someday this will be Standard Operating Procedure. I mean, I am looking forward to the day when I buy a computer, plug it in, and it teaches me how to use it. But as you can see, there will be some needed sacrifices -- give and take to show who actually is in charge. Don't worry, be happy. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Nail Accessories

Hello there, Tuesday. How are ya? If you want to be successful in life, you have to know how to accessorize. Accessorize -- is that really a word? I've heard it is impossible for a woman to not have enough purses, shoes, hats, and gloves. For men, I think the best accessories are whiskey, a big crescent wrench, duct tape, and a box of cigars. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Tarot Card

First of all, if you pronounce it TARO, why is it spelled TAROT? Secondly, here is the card. Anybody recognize it? CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Mr. Nose

Short, but sweet. Have you met Mr. Nose? CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Chopsticks

The biggest chopsticks in the world. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Sci Fi

Weee ooo eee oooo. KRRRRANK! Bzzz zzz z zzzz ZZZ zzz zz ZZZZZZ. Eoooeoeoeoeoe eoeoeo eoeoe oeoeooe oeoe eoeoe Weee ooo Wee oooo. BRZZRRRKK! KRRRRAK!! Meep meep meep meep GRZZZRRRRAAAKKK! RRRKKRR!! GGRRRK! Boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop boop. SCHWINGE!!! CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon Redux - BIRDHOUSE MADNESS

I keep sending this cartoon once a year to the New Yorker, because I can't resist sending this cartoon every year to the New Yorker, go figure. I think some of my work would be hilarious in the New Yorker, but I think I'd have to kill someone or make a pact with the Devil to get into that publication. Still, once a year I send some new stuff off (with BIRDHOUSE MADNESS), and I always get a very polite tight rejection slip. But look at the cartoon! CAN YOU FEEL IT? BIRDHOUSE MADNESS!!!! BIRDHOUSE MADNESS!!!!! CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Conceptual Art

I studied & majored in Conceptual Design at San Francisco State University. I know what I'm talking about here. Ah, but I am not famous. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Busted Hoopie & Bagpipe Bagpipe

Hellllloooo there, how ya been? Hey, I updated the cartoon website with Bagpipe Bagpipe. I also updated it with the Busted for Hooptie one last week, but I forgot to load it up here. Sorry, I got distracted. The Bagpipe Bagpipe cartoon goes out to Londoner/ Canadian/ American Jason Loadsman of The Urban Voodoo Machine -- I got to meet him and a bunch of my wife's classmates at June's 20th high school reunion. We stayed up all night drinking in the vast Hilton Presidential Suite. Jason takes the F*** cake -- the music will burn your eyebrows off. Cheers! CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Tree Purist

I don't mean to be uppity, but if you're gonna live in a tree, how can you burden it with a tree house? Argh! No! Help! That just ain't right, ethically, people. Think about it before you go and do it, fer God's sake. CM EVANS CARTOONS

Cartoon - Heroic Pose

Heroic Pose. We all have to do what we have to do to keep life fresh and even sassy. Mmmm! Don't ever let them trample your dreams. CM Evans Standing Tall on a Cliff with a Cape and Hoisting a Large Paper Mache Boulder Over his head Cartoons

Cartoon - I Have No Idea

JOURNAL ENTRY
AUGUST 7, 2007
SOMEWHERE IN A BOTTLE

"Truly, I have no idea how I ended up in this bottle. No, I have not been mysteriously shrunk, as far as I can tell. I did have a great time last night, but I also avoided a shattering hang over by fortifying my stomach with lots of sushi. As far as I can tell, on the horizon, there is a sort of milky haze or tule fog that gently undulates. I cannot tell if it is coming closer or receding. The sun, while bright overheard, is also indistinct. This all could be a dream. If it is a dream, I wish I had a giant bottle opener. I do have to say, it is boring being clamped in a giant bottle.

REGARDS
CM EVANS"

Cartoon Redux - Consolation Prize

The top one of this 2 fer makes me laugh every time I see it. Definitely worthy of a Cartoon Redux. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Air Surfing

Been gone for a few updates...after months and months of planning (and checking off every item on a 1,000 point list) we moved from San Diego to Chicago, and even spent some time in Breckenridge, Colorado. I'm bushed. But who can't resist some air surfing? Let's rip those phantom waves. CM Evans Cartoons