Cartoon - Billy Afflicted

Hi there -- missed the Tuesday weekly update, mostly due to lack of sleep and 1 or 2 minor, yet irritating technical issues. But we're good to go. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Clone and Pencil

Switching things around a bit here today for the Thursday cartoon update -- this here double panel update is from using the cartoon characters and backgounds from Witty Comics!, where you can make and post cartoons, some of which are extremely funny. I encourage you to go forth and check it out -- I even added it to my links section. I can't believe I didn't have it there before, I think I played with the site about 2 years ago. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Bad Dinner Party

Theoretically this cannot happen, ever. But watch out. Watch out. Do I have any nutty dinner party stories? Dinner party stories of dinner parties gone horribly and terribly wrong? Scenes involving the eating of dinners that should not have been consumed in the venue of a party with certain people? Indeed I do. But go watch "The Party" with Peter Sellers instead. CM Evans' Dangerous and Disastrous Dinner Party Cartoon Website

Back to Respectability - New Swiss Knife Catalog

Back to respectability with the latest installment to the CM Evans cartoon website. In college, one job I had was that of a doorman for a swank building on Gough Street in S.F. I got along with everyone quite fine, and part of my job at the end of the day was to take out any recycling or trash that the tenants would put for me to take out in the back stairwell. One thing I discovered was the crème de la crème of society gets FABULOUS catalogs. I mean, these 4 color catalogs were gorgeous, selling all sorts of rare and precious things -- like real Louis the 14th end tables, scrimshaw from the 1820s, rare Arabian firearms, Ming Dynasty pottery, famous paintings, and other stuff that usually is in museums. And everything cost at least $5,000.00 -- and that was cheap. So I'd take these catalogs and read them in my $250.00 a month room in the Mission District, and try to figure where I'd put the end tables if I could afford them, and if they would complement warped wooden floors and chipping paint. I suppose they'd have to do, if I got them to show off my Ming Vase and assorted potpourri of Ancient Scrimshaw. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon Plagiarism Over at Wikipedia

I found this to be interesting -- a bit of political cartoon plagiarism over at Wikipedia -- now don't get me wrong...I love Wikipedia. But I hate plagiarizers. I was looking for the defintion of "Satire" and this is what I found as an example. The color version of the cartoon purports to be the original, according to Wikipdeia, "Published 1984 as a poster by Finnreklama Oy, a printer/publisher of Finland." Here is this Finnish publishing website "Finnreklama Oy - Book Maker", located in Sulkava, Finland.

However, the second black and white cartoon is the original, or a copy of the original, drawn by American Pulitzer-Prize winning political cartoonist David Horsey for the Seattle Post-Intelligencer in 1984. I have my copy from the cartoon compilation ReaganComics, published in 1984 by Carew Papritz and Russ Tremayne, Khyber Press. This illustration is on the back cover.

As often happens with plagiarizers and second-handers, the copied version isn't nearly as good at the original artwork, and the plagiarizer feels free to make a series of inferior changes to some of the text and humorous details. Two notable omissions are the knife-shaped island of Cuba "(The Dagger at our Loins)" and the Reagan Portrait -- the copier also seems to be a rotten artist, see the crude looking bird in the compass that replaced Mom with Apple Pie. Amongst various retitling on the map, the plagiarizer wrote "Lake of Our Tribes" subtitle for the Indian Ocean. Is that the best you can do?

Cosmic Swiss Cheese T-Shirt

I was stumbling around the old rotten Refreshingly Obscure Online Mercado the other day and discovered the Cosmic Swiss Cheese T-Shirt. One of my favorite products. It comes out looking good, too, as a clock. I think I'll be making some new products this week.

Cartoon - Rock N Hard

"About to be between a rock and a hard place." I like it when irony is also ironic. And the ironic irony is extra ironic. I also like collecting faux piñatas. CM Evans Cartoons

YOUNG ADVENTURE FRIENDS over at TDGIMC

Here is a strange strip by a guy/ gal named Bella Whigimill. YOUNG ADVENTURE FRIENDS. The more I can't figure it out, the more it appeals to me on some kind of subtle molecular level. I found Bella (or is it Bill/billisbygosh?) through an ongoing online cartoon competition called The Daily Grind Iron Man Challenge...competitors must update their comic Monday through Friday without fail, or you are eliminated from the pool. Winner gets $1,120. TDGIMC been going since March of last year. I wonder how long it will keep going, and who will win? I'd figure on at least another year.

Cartoon - Half of You

Having some problems with the CM Evans Cartoon site today, loading new art issues. But here is Tuesday's cartoon. Yes, this is really how much half of you is worth. Shocking, isn't it? Shocking!! CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Phoebe Drawing - Late

A Sunday special update, featuring a drawing, "Late", from the vastly talented writer and illustrator, Phoebe Evans, age 7. Recently Phoebe has gained great appreciation for the speech bubble, and all the useful effects this visual mechanism is capable of creating. She has some products (Phoebe Cat, Best Friend) over at my rarely visited store, The Refreshingly Obscure Online Mercado. More of Phoebe's work to come. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Handy

It is important to know how to fix things. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Then One Day

Oh I don't know. I was going to write, "Then one day, the mousse I was using set my hair on fire." But many of us out there have no idea what mousse is. I barely do. This cartoon obviously is for the Ladies. I hope some of the Ladies get a chuckle from this. CM Evans Cartoons

Worth Looking At - Darby Hudson's Fabulous Flash Stories

Amazing! I love this kind of stuff -- I was looking at Dancing on Fly Ash (which is regrettably going away) and saw this link -- Darby Hudson has three flash stories on his website. They're brilliant. Evening At Grandma's was my favorite. Well done, Darby.

Cartoon - MY LUCKY HAT

This is, in fact, my lucky hat. I have never had bad luck wearing the lucky hat. Whenever I need good luck, I resort to the wearing of the lucky hat. No, you cannot have my lucky hat. Sorry, there is only one lucky hat. Someday, without doubt, my lucky hat will be on display at the Smithsonian Institution. Or some other August Institution of Science, Arts, Culture,and Learning. CM Evans Cartoons

CM Evans Live @ Opium, Fiction!

On a side note - "Oldest Bestest Friend in the Whole World" short micro-fiction by your pal, CM Evans is live over at Opium Magazine. Before I was a cartoonist, I was a poet, and then a writer. I am sure many visitors to this site have figured out that I am also responsible for the writing blog Giganticjet. I hope you enjoy it.

Cartoon - Doggy

I heard a story one time, from an ex-lover of mine -- in college, she was invited over to a date's house for dinner. The date surprised her when he asked her what she wanted for dinner, because he was going to cook her a meal. Imagining something gourmet, she said she liked chicken. When she got to his house, she saw he lived in a dump of an apartment. It also looked like he had just woken up, though it was 5 o'clock in the afternoon. When she asked him how the dinner was going, he pointed to the oven. She opened the oven door, and saw a small whole roasting chicken, raw, sitting on a plate. The oven was not on. As I understand it, that was the extent of that relationship. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Bored

Dang. I hate when I get bored. I wish I knew how to cut gigantic paper snowflakes. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - The Pangs of Love

Pang - Noun

* S: (n) pang, stab, twinge (a sudden sharp feeling) "pangs of regret"; "she felt a stab of excitement"; "twinges of conscience"
* S: (n) pang, sting (a mental pain or distress) "a pang of conscience"
* S: (n) pang (a sharp spasm of pain)

CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Back in the Doghouse

When I was growing up, we had neighbors that had a Rhodesian Ridgeback named "Moose", and he had a huge doghouse. Four kids could fit in it. We didn't stay in it long, cause the thing smelled like dog. Plus Moose decided to come in the doghouse while we were in there, temporarily both trapping us and covering everyone from head-to-foot with slobber. We piled out full of dog fur. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Bill Breaks Through

I had this cartoon for about a year, just sitting around sans caption -- I grabbed it today, added a urinal, and voila! CM Evans Cartoons

Updates to Resume August 1

I was OOT for like, 2 weeks. But now I'm back. I'm not dead. I'm relaxed now. I feel like humming. I want to play a cool video game, but there ain't any cool ones to play. I want to play a cool RPG. Check for a new cartoon tomorrow.

Cartoon - Look at My

With this, the power of speech, nay words, fail me almost utterly. But still I go on. Can you imagine anything else so simple, so sublime, so confident in it's own economy of expression, or form? ((((((Besides possibly a bar of soap, or a hoagie.) Or an old piece of twine.) Or a small rock.) Or a bug.) Or a 1 dollar bill.) Or a wheel off a matchbox car.) CM Evans Cartoons

Get Happy

Get happy! Get happy! Get happy! Get happy! Get happy! Get happy! Get happy! Get happy! Get happy! Get happy! Get happy! Get happy! Get happy! Get happy! Get happy! Get happy! Get happy! Get happy! Get happy! Get happy! Get happy! Get happy! Get happy! Get happy! Get happy! Get happy! Get happy! Get happy! Get happy! Get happy! Get happy! Get happy! Get happy! Get happy! Get happy! Get happy! Get happy! Get happy! Get happy! Get happy! Get happy! Get happy! Get happy! Get happy! Get happy! Get happy! Get happy! Get happy! Get happy! Get happy! Get happy! Get happy! Get happy! Get happy! Get happy! Get happy! Get happy! Get happy! Get happy! Get happy! Get happy! Get happy! Get happy! Get happy! Get happy! Get happy! Get happy! Get happy! Get happy! CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Happy Bday Creep

Damn! A double-fisted update today, in honor of my birthday! I am 389 years old today. Just kidding. I am actually 987 years old today. No, sorry -- I am 1,733 years old, today. CM Evans Cartoons

Happy Birthday to Me

Today is my XX birthday. How old am I? Well, let's see. I know what a rotary-dial phone is. In Junior High my first computer was an Apple II+ (eventally we upgraded it to 512K, with dual floppy drives, which was SMOKING in those days). Speaking of computers, my first video game was Pong. Also, on the Apple, I played Adventure and Zork. Wizardry rocked. Anyone out there know what I'm talking about? CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Swallowing Phlegm

I think the first 10,000 times you do this, it is fun. Have you ever tried to spell phlegm by sounding it out? I even got swallow wrong. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Smoking Mouse Hole Inn

It's all booked up for Fourth of July. Damn! They have a sweet fireworks display over Smoking Mouse Hole Lake, and you can watch from the rooms on the second floor. Also, when visiting, don't forget to have breakfast at the Smoking Mose Hole Diner. They make a tasty chicken-fried steak. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Funny vs Not Funny

I'm afraid I'll still be quoting this when I'm a demented old fool in a nursing home, but Mel Brooks says "Tragedy happens when I cut my finger and bleed -- Comedy is when I fall into an open sewer and die." CM Evans Cartoons

Changes to CM Evans Cartoons Store - New Products!

I had some fun today rearranging the store -- adding a few new sections "?", "His Sovereign Royal Excellence", and "John Sings the Blues", and I created some new products in the "Easy to Read Timetelling Department" section and the "Signs & Alerts Department". I do like the
Oxford Lion Wall Clock and the Driving...Wall Clock. I also like how the MAIN ENTRY POINT pic turned out on the Journal, Tile Box and Tile Coaster. The Refreshingly Obscure Online Mercado

Cartoon no. 800 - The Flag of Splat

This here is the 800th cartoon posted to CM Evans Cartoons. When we get to 1,000 there will be free ham for everyone. Where is the country of Splat? I'm glad you asked. It is a small principality near Lichtenstein, and was formed in the 16th century when a few of people from Hohenems got drunk and had a fight. One guy in the Rathaus said "Fine, you're a stinking cheat at cards, so I'm not going to play with you anymore, and I'm going to set up my own country over there." Because Splat is smaller than Lichtenstein, if you miss seeing Lichtenstein because a tree was in the way -- you'll certainly miss seeing Splat. CM Evans Cartoons

Link Added - 1000 Arten ein Bier zu öffnen

Hey -- via BoingBoing found this website -- 1000 Arten ein Bier zu öffnen, for those who nicht verstehen Deutsch, that is "1000 ways to open a Beer bottle". I found it wonderfully instructive, added it to the links section, and I plan on trying all 1,000 variations. CM Evans Cartoons Links section

Cartoon - Joe Smithereen

Introducing Joe Smithereen, a character who lives in the heart of every adolescent boy after the invention of gunpowder. What young man does not want to find out what happens when you flush an M-80 down a toilet? What boy does not think it is a wonderful idea to shoot bottle rockets horizontally through the air at other boys? What male has not felt the extreme satisfaction of lighting a whole brick of firecrackers and hurtling them as they explode high into the air with a shovel? CM Evans Cartoons

Darby Hudson and CM Evans at Dancing on Fly Ash

A pleasant surprise. Josh Maday from the literary website Dancing on Fly Ash posted a series of links to artist Austin Kleon and some words regarding, amongst other things, CM Evans Cartoons and Darby Hudson's Website. Darby is a very talented cartoonist, illustrator, and artist from Melbourne Australia. Josh Maday's writing has been published online and offline -- he and Darby have appeared also over at Opium Magazine. If you are not acquainted with their work, take a look. I'm sure you'll be pleased.

CM Evans Live @ Opium

Another recent CM Evans cartoon is live today over at Opium Magazine. Go check it out. They're all wacky over the World Cup and I'm starting to get infected by it. Is that possible?

Cartoon - Divine Comedy

After I graduated from high school I worked in a warehouse, listened to heavy metal & classical music, and I read several translations of the Devine Comedy. After the summer was over, I started junior college, listened to the album Time Out, Dark Side of the Moon, Appetite for Destruction & The Four Seasons over and over again while reading several translations of the Devine Comedy. I think my favorite translation is by John Ciardi. CM Evans Cartoons

Website fixed

Thanks Jason.

Cartoon - Two Stones

Having some problems getting the cartoon to update to the website, for some reason. I'll get it fixed. BTW - getting close to having 800 cartoons online, after about 6 years of doing this. Funny thing, when I first started the website, I was updating 6 days a week -- I did that for almost a year and a half when I realized it was better to update 2 or 3 times per week...updating less gave me more visitors. Then MySpace found me and kicked my numbers through the roof. Thanks to all the people from MySpace who look at my work. And thanks to those people out there who have been coming by since the earliest days. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Big Shoes

Huge shoes. If I could get me a pair of yellow shoes the size of small canoes, this would be my new hobby. I'd walk all over town -- for miles and miles, even across the country, no doubt setting new records for following people in huge shoes.

Cartoon - Damn It

This one is dedicated to all those times when you were absolutely sure you were going to find the answer, but then it turned out there were only more questions. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Questions

When I was in my late teens and early twenties, this is the type of inner monologue I would have, day in, day out. I thought I was one of the sharper tools in the proverbial shed, but in reality, I was a meandering idiot. True, I was amongst other meandering idiots, they were my friends. And my enemies. And my lovers. And my idols. And now I find, just about everybody else in the world. I aspire now to be an inner village idiot or at least an outward seeming village idiot. Everyone who knows me will say the outward idiotic aspect is nearly completed. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Excuse

I don't have much to say about this one. I do know someone who was attacked by a big monkey in Indonesia, it grabbed him, jumped on his shoulders, and it f***ed the back of his head. Then the monkey peed all over him, scouts honor. This associate of mine has "bad monkey karma" & can tell many horrifying monkey encounter stories. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - In One Sense

Do you remember what it was like to want to do something -- like play all afternoon pretending to be in the middle ages or on the moon, but you had to go with one of your parents on a few errands that shouldn't take too long? And so your mom or dad drove down to drugstore, then to the drycleaners, and then the dreaded bank. And you got bored sitting in the bank parking lot, waiting for the stupid errands to be done. Then maybe you'd decide to drive the car slowly around the parking lot, because it was an automatic, and you drove it around the neighborhood at about 5 mph in the middle of the night when your parents thought you were asleep. Ho hum. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - The Longest

JOE HAS THE LONGEST BEARD IN THE WHOLE WORLD!!! CM Evans Cartoons

This Out to Josh

Hope you get a laugh.

Link Added - The Gary Busey Sound Board

Got this link from a pointer site called, appropriately, Look at This. The Gary Busey Sound Board. I already knew GB was a wild 'n wooly type of guy -- the kind of fella who would come over to your house to play cards or watch a football game, get drunk and start a fight -- or climb onto the roof of your house & make loud crowing noises with his pants off. Or burn your kitchen down. Or just fall off a cliff. Or just fall off a cliff while riding a lawn mower drunk, dressed in a bear suit. Happens all the time. CM Evans Cartoons Links section

CM Evans Live @ Opium

Another recent CM Evans cartoon is live today over at Opium Magazine. Go check it out and read a few things there while you're at it -- "Rasperry Jam" is funny. And now, back to whatever was going one before you read this.

Cartoon - Here You Go

I imagine this guy could come in handy for some of those strange conundrums life throws at you from time to time. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - BM Peel

When I lived in Petaluma, right after I graduated from SF State, I discovered a creepy Victorian house a few blocks from where I was staying. Hulking and ominous, it hadn't been painted for at least 20 years, the yard was completely overgrown, and on the second story, one of the bay windows had broken and the owner never repaired it. When it rained and the wind howled, you could see blanched tattered drapes fluttering in and out of the window. As I walked by the house frequently, I expected a strangler or insane recluse to be in residence, but it turned out to be a slight harmless tiny old man with thick glasses. He looked reasonably neat, wore brown corduroy trousers and a jacket with patches on the elbows, and he collected cans. A few years later I returned to Petaluma, and I saw the Victorian being restored. The old guy who owned it had died. No more ghostly drapes fluttering in the window. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - What Makes Spit Fly

See? Come around here often, and I'll teach you all kinds of interesting facts. Might even be worth writing a thesis on. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Slice of Meat

Mmmmm. Slice of Meat. MMMMMMMmmmmm. Slice of Meat. Wonderful Slice of Meat. Glorious Slice of Meat. Righteous Slice of Meat. Soothing delicious flavorful Slice of Meat. Barbecued just on the medium side of cooking Slice of Meat. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Melancholy

I'm actually in a pretty good mood today, things happening last week got me down a bit, but I have a naturally happy disposition -- or seen another way, a slightly idiotic outlook to life & optimistic ideals on the limits of bad things that can happen to you if you try to be nice. Or put another way -- I believe if you decide life is generally pleasant, and believe good things happen, you will see good things happening & you'll act that way. But if you think life is miserable, and believe people are purely selfish, you'll see a world of woe and endless punishment and create more suffering. I think is important to be thankful for the things you have, and also be grateful for the things you do not have. Me, I'm riding the wave. CM Evans Cartoons

Link added - Introducing Dan Golden

I'm full of news today, ain't I? I added a link to Dan Golden, a talented cartoonist who submitted some of his work to Opium Magazine, where I am cartoon-editor-at-large. I hope you click on the link to see what he's up to. Keep it up Dan! CM Evans Cartoons Links section

Tuesday Cartoon - Mr. Sun

Putting up "Mr. Sun" for a late Tuesday cartoon update to CM Evans Cartoons. I was gone for a few days dealing with, 1. My car being sideswiped, and 2. My favorite cat dying. Other than that my day sucked. Hopefully Mr. Sun will brighten things up. And who doesn't like to go on vacation? CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - The More I Don't

BM returns for the bi-weekly CM Evans Cartoons cartoon update. The cartoon cartoon update. What else would it be on a cartoon website? I'd write more, but my hair is on fire. CM Evans Cartoons

Link to Ascii Art

I nuked this entry -- whoops! I added a link to an interesting website called the Ascii Art Dictionary, coming out of Germany, I think. Worth taking a look at, so you can see how they did it with graphics old school old school old school old school old school, school. Originally this link was found via that net staple Boing Boing. Thanks for that! Links Section

Real vs Fake

I'm helping you out here, seriously. Look closely. See? See? You're just saying you can tell the difference. How do you know I didn't switch them, and the "real" ones are fake and the "fake" ones are real? Well, I didn't do that. But I just as well could have, the way you took a look at it. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Rudy Decides

I draw a fair amount of baseball type gags, though I admit I am not a big sports fan. Some of my inspiration comes from hearing stories about a drunken baseball league my friend Erik was in. Basically, teams of 20 something chain-smoking alcoholics from different bars would play one another -- and Erik's team was one of the worst in the league. So they naturally had the most fun. CM Evans Cartoons

Tony Cartoon and the UES

Oh Tony, oh Tony, oh Tony Tony Tony. This picture appears along with about two-dozen of my cartoons over at Upleasent Event Schedule, in the Archives section. What is UES? It is a fine little lit and art website run by Daniel Nester, who when not teaching, editing, and doing readings like karaoke-poetry, he'll write books like "God Save My Queen", a tribute to the lyrics of the epic rock group Queen. CM Evans Cartoons

Greetings from Angry, CA

Greetings from Angry, CA. What is the history and location of the municipality of Angry? Angry (sometimes referred to as "El Rancho de la Cólera" by the inhabitants to confuse outsiders) was founded in 1887 by Riled Joe Thunderson at the foot of the Viejo Hombre Enfurecido Mountains, a few clicks from Slab City or the Salton Sea. The rest of the details of Angry, what they do, why they are there, what is the major industries, lifestyle, etc. is none of my goddamn business. The folks of Angry don't suffer fools, gawkers, tourists, mumblers, idiots, politicians, or mimes. The town motto, carved over the mayor's office in the small charming City Hall is, "A Bene Placito". The unofficial motto of the town, written in chalk over the bar at "Infurio", the town drinking establishment, is "Si usted habla con mí, le golpearé con el pie en la cabeza." Yikes! CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Gee Wiz

We're clicking along here, put up a new cartoonograph on the site today, titled "Gee Wiz". Had a hard time coming up with a good title for this puppy. I wish I could post and not have a title, but the main site isn't set up that way. Tell you what -- first person who comments here on this posting, I'll send you a signed copy of any cartoon you want. Or I'll send you a signed canned ham. Go for the ham. CM Evans Cartoons

More BM

Want more BM? Try this, that, there, then, thus, and this.

Cartoon - BM sez "Red Light Blinking"

Welcome to Tuesday, April 04, 2006. Today I give you BM, or for those who don't know him, Blasphemer Mouse, in "Red Light Blinking". Why the mouse hole and no mouse? I don't know. Blasphemer Mouse invented himself in the margins of my sketchbooks and journals aways back and has been here ever since. You can see other examples of BMs here, here, there, there, and here. Have a great day. CM Evans Cartoons