HP LOVECRAFT IS MY PAPERBOY

Cartoon - BIG HOLE

2012-01-28T11:53:00.000-08:00

Hmmmmmmmmmmm................CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - AS I REACH

2012-01-19T11:55:00.000-08:00

Hey diddle diddle. We are at Thursday, today, and the week is almost up. Have you seen any cute blondes today? There was a blonde from Moldova, rumored to be on the bridge of the Italian passenger ship that had a big hole ripped in it, but investigators just want her phone number -- they don't think she had anything to do with it. She's 25, and likes long romantic walks on the beach by the Côte d'Azur, candle-lit dinners, International travel, an apartment with a view of the Eiffel Tower, and expensive cars. She may not want to go on big shiny cruise ships with the captain in the near future. CM Evans Cartoons

Just Say NO to SOPA and PIPA

2012-01-18T09:37:00.000-08:00

Down with censorship! Down with any kind of Internet Blacklisting! Sign the petition!

Cartoon - At Bat

2012-01-16T12:29:00.000-08:00

Where did the time go? I've been around, had cartoons, but didn't post them. Well, I did move myself to Irvine, CA. Had to tear all the computers down and set them all back up, then unpack the kitchen, and re-shelve 500 books. No complaints. You know, most people fail to appreciate the plunger was not designed to unstop toilets and sinks. It was created for the game "Plunger", which is akin to American Baseball. The game Plunger did enjoy considerable popularity in the mid 1920s on the Eastern Seaboard, notably in Boston and New York, as an alternative to Pool, Hide-n-Seek, or Stickball. Unfortunately, the Great Depression limited Plunger's expansion to the Midwest and West Coast -- with Baseball taking up the slack. Ty Cobb, and many other Baseball legends had their start with Plunger -- the Plunger Bat now regulated to the watercloset and bathrooms around the country, historical lineage forgotten. Alas! CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Calling Out

2011-12-12T12:56:00.000-08:00

Though I don't drink anymore, Danny Coyle's is my favorite pub, located in San Francisco. I've made some friends there, and they are always happy to see me. My best buddy from high school, Erik, introduced me to this place. They'll be putting some of my cartoons up there, I think. If you're even in SF, drop on by and tell them I said "Hello". CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Lifejackets

2011-12-07T14:09:00.000-08:00

Chung Tzu Can Tell

"Inside it looks like Paris, France, the weather outside like Palm Springs, and the yard looks like the lawn just got cut. Who cut the lawn?" I ask Chung Tzu.

"Well, I know by the way you're asking me, you certainly didn't!" remarks Chung Tzu, and he laughs.

---

Cicero and Bicycles / Cicero und Fahrräder

Cicero said, "To philosophize is to learn how to die." And I said, "And you can learn how to ride a bicycle, too!" And Cicero turned around and gave me a good long stare. Ahem.

**

Cicero sagte: "Philosophieren ist zu lernen, wie man stirbt." Und ich sagte: "Und Sie können lernen, wie man Fahrrad fährt, too!" Und Cicero drehte sich um und gab mir eine gute lange anzustarren. Ähem.

Cartoon - 3rd Leg

2011-12-02T10:07:00.001-08:00

For anyone new to this site, just kidding about having a 3rd leg, and my week going to shit. I had a good week. Took some punches, but it all ends up they way it should be. This weekend will be good. Now I can really, clearly imagine a French philosopher I've been reading about on a day like this, watching people mowing the grass outside his window. The philosopher recommended to "...skim lightly over the surface..." of life by being rigorously observant to the smallest trivial details we normally dismiss as mundane. I find this to be a good way to live. So keep your eyes open, and possibly write about what you see inside and out. If you grow a 3rd leg, write about that. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Mask Mask

2011-12-01T10:50:00.000-08:00

I'm happy to report you can get all kinds of cool stuff in Vista, CA. Real genuine articles for those people on your list that seem to have everything. Take this for instance: Some kind of spooky 'traditional Indian' deer-hunting mask. It certainty screams 'private ceremony' or 'secret initiation'. Heavily stitched from pieces of raw black leather, possibly scavenged from an old motorcycle jacket or road-kill corpse -- it looks like a executioners hood crossed with a satanic stag. The eyeholes see pretty good, but the mouth-hole I believe is purely for show, so don't go running for miles and miles in the dark, or you'll hyperventilate. It has a funny earthy smell, too, but some enjoy this scent. Bonus: the severed antlers are real & attached firmly to the crown of the mask. I'm sure you could get this one for a very reasonable price, and they may throw a flint knife in for free. Or possibly they'd add some socks at a discount, if you want to be really stealthy, sneaking up on people from behind. Happy Holidays! CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Looking at Some Big Long Ones

2011-11-14T13:31:00.000-08:00

I was thinking about Lorenzo de' Medici today, I do this occasionally -- it is a natural segue to go to, when considering the intricacies and meditations of American Baseball ...like how far the bases are set apart -- 90 feet exactly. Or, how this is a game where the players can commit 'errors'. Many serious historians of the Renaissance note that Lorenzo was an avid played of Baac'ba, an early precursor of games like Cricket and Soccer (note: Football, for the continental types reading this US post). Baac'ba being a modified 'chase and toss' game imported by Arab traders from the Indus Valley. Philip III of Spain also comes in here -- he was fond of a game called "Baacebal", attributed by the renown baseball historian Walt Swisserson as being one of the precursors of the American game, so I think we are getting at the same thing. Now where was I going with this? I think I am done.

Cartoon - Laptop

2011-11-09T11:23:00.000-08:00

Took a 4-day trip to NYC, and I just got back. Weather was gorgeous, not too cold at all. Covered Wall Street/ Lower Manhattan, Lower East Side, East Side, Gramercy Park, Midtown, Tribeca, Chinatown, and even got up to Morningside Heights to see Grant's Tomb. Too much to list, all the people and things I saw. I'll be back to the city again, hopefully in August. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Pot Luck

2011-10-29T08:23:00.000-07:00

I get invited to a lot of 'pot luck' events, these days. I chalk it up to karma -- the result of the accumulation of all my virtuous and non-virtuous deeds in innumerable past lifetimes. At least, this is what I tell my auto-mechanic when he asks why I go to so many 'pot luck' gatherings. And my mechanic is Italian, or Filipino, and he didn't ask me. I got the clutch changed on my truck, and I got a good walk in, going back to the house. I had to get something for the next 'pot luck' celebration, so I stopped at a Taqueria run by Welsh people, called "Alimentos de La Tierra de Las Rocas y La Hierba #VI" and I got some Sheppard's Pies con Carne. As I walked the rest if the way home, I tired to figure out for me if I was more Northern Italian, German, or Welsh myself. I mean, if my DNA had to fight itself, and have one ethnicity win out for representation, which would it be? When I got home, I decided I'm so 'pot luck' internally, in a boisterous 'pot luck' culture, with so many other lucky 'pot luck' people, life has turned into one big 'pot luck' for me. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - This Could Be / Translation Carnival

2011-10-23T17:22:00.000-07:00

I just got back from camping at the beach this weekend. A good time was had by all. And now this, for everyone's enjoyment. What more can I say? What is more satisfying than a blank billboard, or two frozen treats having sex? CM Evans Cartoons

And now for our semi-regular GoogleMistranslates Carnival:

--- --

Ich bin gerade vom Campingplatz am Strand an diesem Wochenende. Eine gute Zeit hatten alle. Und nun dies, für jeden Genuss. Was kann ich mehr sagen? Was ist befriedigender als eine leere Plakatwand, oder zwei gefrorene Leckereien Sex?

Aš ką tik grįžo iš kempingas paplūdimyje šį savaitgalį. Geras laikas buvo turėjo visi. Ir dabar, visiems naudotis. Ką daugiau galiu pasakyti? Kas yra labiau patenkinti nei tuščią lentos, arba dvi šaldytos gydo lyties?

میں صرف کیمپنگ سے ساحل سمندر میں اس ہفتے کے آخر میں واپس مل گیا. ایک اچھا وقت سب کی طرف سے تھا. اور اب یہ سب لطف اندوزی کے لئے. میں اور کیا کہہ سکتے ہیں؟ بل بورڈ کے ایک خالی، یا دو منجمد کا علاج کرتا ہے جنسی تعلقات سے زیادہ تسلی بخش ہے؟

News - CM Evans Cartoons at Marguerite Avenue

2011-10-21T14:06:00.000-07:00

Some of my cartoons are part of a memoir "Hamlet, I Wish I Knew You", by J.S. Breukelaar, over at Marguerite Avenue, an online magazine of the Arts. My work is appearing often over there, so please check it out! If you know of any creative-types who are looking to get their work published, tell them about Marguerite Avenue, and submit.

Cartoon - Schopenhauer

2011-10-17T10:00:00.000-07:00

See how my mind works? I see a painting of the German philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer, and I think, "Hey! He needs to be smiling more. And I think he needs a candle, and a drink! And he needs ALL his hand written notes from the last few months! And these papers have to piled high all around him! And this all makes him EVEN HAPPIER! So I draw this up lickety-split, ignoring everything else, like getting my truck fixed, or calling the bank. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Plywood

2011-10-14T09:27:00.000-07:00

It's cool! I imagine arguments between fictitious people, who are experts about things I know nothing about, and then I draw cartoons about them. Then I have no time to argue with real people, who are experts in real things, which I know nothing about.

And by the way, I still know more about plywood than you do -- like in a million, trillion, years. Sorry. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Romeo and Juliet

2011-10-08T17:29:00.000-07:00

I think social media has changed everything nowadays, so the past dramas are basically unrecognizable, plot-wise, and things like Shakespeare could use a very good & vigorous updating. I'd write more about this, but let us all consider carefully, before whatever else happens. I'll also admit, frankly, that 14 ton blocks have nothing to do with what I'm suggesting here -- I threw that one in (literally and figuratively) because 14 ton blocks are funny when the fall on unsuspecting people. Monty Python proved this over and over again. I looked for a company in China that makes 14 ton blocks, and there are a few, but for the cost of shipping, it isn't worth it. So when you look at my cartoon, note that this is a 'domestically manufactured' Italian 14 ton block, made from local sands and gravels found in and about the town of Verona. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Trouble

2011-10-04T11:05:00.000-07:00

No it really is stuck, and it isn't funny, and you can stop laughing, and pick up the cookies and tea you spilled all over the floor. And you can stop laughing more, rolling around the floor, jostling me and making it worse -- and everyone does not need to find out about this 'right this instant' on twitter, FaceBook, and other online places where people gather. Oh gee. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - MOUSE

2011-09-29T10:04:00.000-07:00

They say if I'm very savvy**, and I want to capture an audience, I should blog 1500 words per day. I should pick topics. Like Leprechaun Facts. I never know which post will be popular. So I've given up on trying to make sense of it. Joe Bowling of Laguna Beach, CA dresses like a mouse every day. Why do I expect him to do otherwise? CM Evans Cartoons

**Joe, my Afrikaanse boer pal vertel my hierdie storie oor 'n wilde koei en' n berg: Die koei kon nie uitwerk hoe lank die boom by die basis van die eerste heuwel was, die dorings op die Suid-kant te vermy, vir die seëningevan die land geeste.Wanneer die lug is blou, die boom verskyn te word blou.Wanneer die lug is grys, die boom verskyn grys moet wees.Die boom verskyn het niks, maar die koei, die koei.Die boom verskyn te anythung maar die boer, die boer.Beide die koei en die boer het gekrap en kon nie sien nie die boom by die basis van die eerste heuwel.

Cartoon - Holdover

2011-09-27T09:02:00.001-07:00

Ahhhh! Attempting to fix one's problems through examples set forth by Greek Mythology, or by employing brute, savage force. I have a soft spot for Mr. Hercules, and his refreshingly direct way at thinking. He made that lion skin work. He could unlock doors with a club. He could wrassle, punch, shoot a bow into the sun, and give good accounting in a set-to. Proto-Superman, a hero before comic-books were comics. Big man in the days when you made it big by being painted on vases, and your profile was chiseled onto stone walls.

"He looked black as night with his bare bow in his hands and his arrow on the string, glaring around as though ever on the point of taking aim. About his breast there was a wondrous golden belt adorned in the most marvelous fashion with bears, wild boars, and lions with gleaming eyes; there was also war, battle, and death...."

Homer, The Odyssey, Book XI

Impressive, erratic, given to extremes, crazy, dogged, and loyal. Capable of bumping a pretentious God off the sidewalk on his side of the street. For Hercules, Kryptonite had not been invented yet. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Just the Stock Market

2011-09-22T10:02:00.000-07:00

When I woke up this morning, I had a weird feeling something was not right -- then I hear the world financial markets were crashing one after another like flaming catastrophic 1,000 foot tall dominos, spreading monetary and econometric chaos far and wide, shaking stalwart financial institutions into quivering lumps of quaking jelly, THEN all was well. Or at least, I joined the present moment and I was glad with the things I have at hand. I think I'm going to get out of town this weekend, and go to Lake Henshaw and hang out with a bunch of recovering alcoholics. The're always a fun bunch of kooks to meet. Take it easy today, and help out any way you can. Straight at them and never-mind the maneuvers! CM Evans Cartoons

And now for the translation for my pals in Macedonia:

Кога се разбудив утрово, имав чуден чувство нешто не е во право - тогаш слушам светските финансиски пазари се паѓа еден по друг како огнени катастрофални 1.000 метри висок dominos, ширење на монетарната и економетриски хаос далеку и широко, тресење здрав финансиски институции во треперат грутки на трепетлив желе, тогаш сите беше добро. Или барем, се приклучив на овој момент и ми беше мило со работи кои ги имам при рака. Мислам дека ќе одам да го напуштат градот, овој викенд, и да си одат до езерото Хеншоу и се закачам со еден куп за наплата на алкохоличари. The're секогаш забава куп kooks да се исполнат. Полека и денес, и помогне било кој начин можете да. Право во нив и никогаш не ги предвид маневри!

Cartoon - Hey Bartender

2011-09-19T10:48:00.001-07:00

Ya gotta be sensitive and ask for things in the proper way, at the proper time. Ya know what I mean? Case in point: I know a fella who doesn't drink anymore, but gets along with the Irish in San Francisco, because he asks for his drinks in the right way. Every time he goes to the city, they all want to know when he'll be coming back. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Everything Bobby + Translation Carnival!!

2011-09-17T09:46:00.000-07:00

It is rare for me to draw a cartoon I do not remember. Here is one that slipped my mind, and I found it going through some old email temp files from about 5 years ago. If you're short, you're short -- but if you're monstrously tall, there ain't nothing you can do about it. Ask a tall friend about this. And now, I translate this into 3 other languages, you know -- like a Translation Carnival! CM Evans Cartoons

**

Il est rare pour moi de dessiner une caricature, je ne me souviens pas. Voici un qui a glissé mon esprit, et je l'ai trouvé en passant par quelques vieux dossiers Temp courriel d'environ 5 ans. Si vous êtes à court, vous êtes à court - mais si vous êtes monstrueusement grand, il n'est pas rien que vous puissiez faire à ce sujet. Demandez à un ami à propos de cette hauteur. Et maintenant, je traduire cela dans 3 autres langues. CM Dessins Evans

**

Es raro para mí dibujar una caricatura que no recuerdo. Aquí está uno que se me olvidó, y lo encontré pasando por los archivos temporales antiguos de correo electrónico desde hace unos 5 años. Si usted es corto, no tiene mucho - pero si usted es monstruosamente alto, no hay nada que puedas hacer al respecto. Pídale a un amigo sobre esta altura. Y ahora, me traduce esto en cuatro idiomas. CM Evans Dibujos animados

**

Rzadko mi się narysować rysunek nie pamiętam. Oto jeden, który spadł mój umysł, i znalazłem to przeżywa jakieś stare pliki tymczasowe e-mail od około 5 lat temu. Jeśli masz mało, masz mało - ale jeśli jesteś potwornie wysoka, nie ma nic nie możesz zrobić. Zadaj wysoki przyjaciela o tym. A teraz przełożyć to na 3 innych językach. CM Kreskówki Evans

Cartoon - For the Louvre

2011-09-13T09:24:00.001-07:00

I don't know about you, but the Louvre is after me, man -- all over me, and it is outrageous! Have you been harassed by the Louvre? Am I the only guy in the neighborhood with this problem? They call, call, call, text, fax, IM, call, call, call. And what do these folks want? What does the Institution of the Louvre want?? Another 'Grand Painting'. Another huge ocean of canvas, done in the heroic manner, like David. They say I can pick the subject matter. But rhetorically, I ask you -- does not the Louvre have enough majestic paintings like this? The Louvre knows how I feel. But still they persist in asking. No, not asking -- Pestering! Cajoling! Needling! All artists move on, in their creative cycles -- they may go from oils to tempera, or from red to blue. Work I was doing 10 years ago, I am not doing now. 10 Years ago was a lifetime -- then, if you asked me for a 20x60 of a massive turbulent seascape with a burning battleship, at sunset, the ship about to be sunk by a broadside, while at the same time colliding with an insane iceberg packed with a rabid army of 12th century vikings, it would be a pleasure for me. Digressing for a moment: I would say the image I gave, to be a bit 'over the top', but the point is I would do it & I would do it well. But now, I am different. Now it is Calder mobiles. How can I go back? CM Evans Cartoons

CM Evans Cartoons in Litro Magazine issue #109

2011-09-07T10:34:00.000-07:00

Today I see I made the cut (and part of the cover!) for Litro Magazine's issue #109: The Comics and Graphic Fiction Edition. Litro is a monthly online/ print literary publication in the UK -- 100,000 copies are distributed around London and the UK, including in underground stations, libraries, galleries, bars and cafes. I've been a fan of Litro for some time, so to get included in an edition is a super bonus for me. Litro Magazine can be found here. Have a great day, enjoy! CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Where Is

2011-09-01T17:48:00.000-07:00

Indeed -- where did he go? CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - I Like

2011-09-01T09:53:00.000-07:00

Ya know, I don't get enough folks visiting this blog from the continent of Africa. There's something about Africa. I like Africa. I've never been to Africa. Africa is big. I've tried various ways to get African people to come to the blog, like emailing plumbers, tree-trimmers, schools, mechanics, Chinese food restaurants, and economic forums in countries like Burkina Faso, Comoros, Rwanda, and Zambia -- but I haven't heard back from them. I tried writing architects, dentists, and real-estate agents in Uganda, Swaziland, São Tomé and Príncipe, and Nigeria. I wonder if they got my email. If anyone reading this has a pal in Africa, and you think they might like cartoons, tell them I've been wanting to meet them for a long time. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Camp WhoWho

2011-08-30T10:13:00.000-07:00

When I was a little kid, I was able to go to a summer camp in Northern California for a bunch of years -- we slept out under the stars and did the nature thing. Crafts, hiking, backpacking, it was the best. Later, when I was in High School, I returned as a counselor at the same camp, and I did that for many summers as well. I think I had more fun being a counselor, than being a camper, because I felt like I was making a big difference in some of those kid's lives. And in some cases, I did make a big impression. Helping others, focusing on others needs, saved me from myself. You get out of your own head & set of judgments and preconceptions by helping others, and I find that it ain't too bad. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Falling

2011-08-24T10:31:00.000-07:00

Is this possible? I'm sure it has happened to someone. The insanity is made even funnier (in my opinion), because the surreal image is repeated above and below. The cartoon originally started out as an 'orphaned sketch' -- pictures I draw where there is no caption that readily comes to mind. I save these routinely, and they circulate through my piles of papers for years, until some of them get a tagline. If you rotate the cartoon, you will see this gag started out as a guy laying under a table, next to a chair. I flipped the drawing, saw him 'falling' and then added another table and chair, for the caption. And now I've told most of you way more than you ever wanted to know about how a cartoon turns out & the creative method. Anyways, Crazy Jim in Laguna Beach likes it. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Clam Bone Chowder

2011-08-22T15:38:00.001-07:00

You know, when you're ordering clam chowder -- just about anything can be in it. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - What My Hammer is Thinking

2011-08-16T16:40:00.000-07:00

How are ya? I don't normally inquire what inanimate objects are thinking, nor should you -- but in any case, my hammer and I have learned something valuable about caring about the things that happen in this world. The two-tone color scheme remains uncorrected, as well as the vertical orientation, because my scanner and retouching program need to work somehow together, in ways I expected, that appear to be no longer relevant. Which reminds me of a joke I heard recently that bears no relation to anything contained here: suffice to say, it was about Spain, the 1450s, religion, England, and shipping. CM Evans Cartoons

CM Evans Cartoons - More Posts to Follow

2011-08-14T09:49:00.000-07:00

Hello there, I was out of town and sometimes it feels like my scanner is connected to my computer by a cable that stretches to Mars and back -- so pardon the lack of updates. I know I'd go completely fucking bonkers if I had to look at "Tootsie Eggs", since July 14. I have many cartoons, and now that I'm back in front of my computer, look for updates again on a regular basis. Mom, Dad, Kettleman City, Wasco, Pozo, Napa, San Jose, 6 AM, Interstate 5, and the Moon over Fields in the Imperial Valley all send their regards. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Tootsie Eggs

2011-07-14T14:18:00.000-07:00

Hmmmmm...I think that farmers around the world have other problems, more serious problems -- like rust, blight, hail, snow, drought, mechanical failure, and the like. Plus, here's something else to consider: Do you know how many wars started out in a framer's front pasturage? I won't tell you, but battles & farming collide violently throughout history. Go ask a farmer! When was the last time you bothered? Farmers know things!

I knew a fellow named Fred who grew up on a dairy, and he said the lifestyle is no fun, no fun at all. You have to get up every morning at 1 AM, then 3 AM, then 5 AM, then 7 AM to milk the cows, or their udders will explode. Plus the cows yell when the milk is about to come out. And now I'll go eat some yogurt and think about this. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Smiling and Laughing / Happy Birthday to Me

2011-07-11T13:23:00.000-07:00

Years back, I was born on this day of July 11, and there's been much smiling and laughing. Flying saucers & whatnot come and go, but the relentless joking remains. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Fish Worship

2011-07-07T09:45:00.000-07:00

Jim suggested, through Beth, "Fish worship is wrong..." Here you go. Happened to me last week, on Spring Lake. Barely got out alive.

Now, along these lines, what about the progression of the fingernail moon? It was above Santa Rosa and set in the west at about 9.40 PM. Then it was above San Francisco, and it set westwards at about 10.20 PM. The the moon was fatter, and looked like an orange bitten cookie over San Luis Obispo, and it set at 11 PM. Tonight, in Newport Beach, the Luna will look like a sideways Cheshire Cat grin.

Hmmmm!

Somehow I know this relates to hotdogs, hamburgers, and french-fries. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Don't You Know

2011-06-21T12:44:00.001-07:00

Hey Jim -- I'd probably be remembered as "Saint Fancypants the Aggrieved" if I made it that far, sainthood-wise. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Old

2011-06-15T14:05:00.000-07:00

When I was a kid I always wondered why my parents talked about stuff that happened before about 1975 all the time, but now that I'm going to be 44 and I have a 12-year-old daughter about to become a teenager and a 5-year-old son, I know why. Oldsters don't mean to keep the 'yung 'uns out of the conversation, and they really do care about you -- deeply we care about you kids. It is just the fact that a LOT OF SHIT HAPPENED BEFORE YOU WERE BORN. That reminds me of the time with the car that got stuck in the sand near Mono Lake, back in 1993 when I was dating this girl from Apple Computer. I remember, when we got stuck, she said, "Blah blah blah bla bla. Blah bla bla. Bla bla meep beep blah bla blah." Blah blah wonk wonk, wonk blah blob blob blob. And then we blah blah bha, by the blah bla bonk blob wonk wonk. And they said blaaaah wonk, -- wonk & wonk blah blah blah. And that was a fun time. Ba Ba blah blah blah, taxes, blah life, school. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Get Honest 1 & 2

2011-06-14T12:25:00.000-07:00

Hello, I was dreaming last night about these words: 'Vardis Verbaessum'. When in doubt, search Google, but Google just does not know what to do with the words.

Or was it Vardis Verbaetin?

Google gives us Vardis Verbaeten, for Vardis Verbaetin. But all the search results for 'Vardis Verbaeten' are pages that go BA BA BA LA GA BLA GnA HR CH RC... and the next result pages seem to skate off into higher dimensions.

CM EVANS CARTOONS

Cartoon - NEW SUPERHEROS

2011-06-01T08:24:00.001-07:00

I read that DC Comics is unleashing a new universe of superheros, part of their strategy to become no.1 in all comic books/ comicbookdom -- and I knew exactly what they were getting at, so I sat down and I drew a few superguys myself. It turned out to be no trouble at all, coming up with these, I must be a natural at this kind of thing. I'm sure when I go to the DC Comics website and see their all new superhero lineup, my intrepid crime-fighters will fit perfectly -- irresistibly rounding out the forces fighting the increasing fight that should be fought, and fought hard.

I'll send them the sketches, rhetorically, I ask: How could a story of do-gooding and moral reconciliation NOT include the universal action concepts of "Captain Permananet Press", or "Boothead Cup of Tea"? CM EVANS CARTOONS

Cartoon - I Was Lookin'

2011-05-31T16:36:00.000-07:00

Hey -- June is just around the corner! And with all the bird songs and exploding green, with the world alive and pulsating in every rattling atom, I've learned after considerable experience that folks don't like it when I stare this way. Apparently, I don't always know what the face I have is doing. Can that be written the way it was written? Miss Calhoun, my old English Composition teacher from High school, would have jumped out the window if I turned this post in for a creative writing assignment. Actually, I was the kid pretending to jump out the window, in High School -- not because I was suicidal, but because it was so damn funny to pretend to hurl myself out the window. Now I'm very sober, tame and responsible seeming. Hup! CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Jack Mind

2011-05-24T12:19:00.000-07:00

You can do this as much as you'd like, and nothing will happen -- and I'm not suggesting any Zen lesson to be learned. Or, if you do this all the time, something will happen, depending on how loaded you are. For Jack, right after the 25th hour of concentrating, he saw the bottle suddenly animate into a sword-wielding ninja who looked like Harry Potter, and the ninja chased Jack around the apartment and somehow Jack ended up on Main Beach totally naked with a shell in one hand and a joint in the other, with no lighter to be seen for miles. Then, police, police, police, and the sheriff. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Cough Needle

2011-05-19T10:59:00.001-07:00

It isn't illegal, unethical, or immoral -- even suspect -- for the doctor to say things like, "We need to do some tests to check for ____________. The procedure will involve sticking some big needles in your ass cheeks and making them flex with an electric current to see which cheek flexes the least. Then we'll know the answer!"

It isn't like he is asking permission to light your hands on fire, or hit you in the head with a brick, right? Or throw you into a pool of electric eels, or blow a building up around you. Or seal you in a trunk full of broken glass & send you off Niagara Falls, or tie your body to the prow of a battleship and ram an iceberg.

Which reminds me of a dream I had last night. There was some kind of problem, and the solution for it was quite simple and sane:

1. Dress up like a banana
2. Eat bananas

If you have any problem you cannot solve, try those two steps. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Hippies for Sale

2011-05-16T10:14:00.001-07:00

I had a dream last night that I was on an important Panel or Review Committee of Standards. I represented "Reality" -- or I was there as a real person, to answer questions by the dream people about what was considered to be "Real" vs "Unreal". Sitting on the committee were persons representing the Unconscious, and the Ego. We all got along quite well, and there was a large seating area, like an amphitheater, where participants could ask us questions. For instance, during the conversation, they'd ask me things like -- "Are intelligent locoweed dolphins with psychic abilities considered real?" And I'd respond, "No, intelligent locoweed dolphins with psychic abilities are not considered to be real." Or they'd ask me, "Are pulsating orange & yellow musical mountains made out of books, where thimble people weave baskets out of sunshine, naturally occurring?" and I could comfortably respond, "No, these kind of features are not naturally occurring." Many misconceptions were clarified during the session of the Review Committee of Standards. It proved to be so popular, in my dream, that it has been rescheduled to happen more often -- when again & where, I'll see in my dreams. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Nerd

2011-05-06T08:52:00.001-07:00

It was great customer service to have the Tech guy come out and install the TV/ Satellite hookup with qaudraponic surround sound and immersible 3D simulated interface, with 1080i HDV sonic reflexiveness and an ultra-responsive multi-format wireless input tablet device, capable of sending directions to a wide variety of multimedia interfaces and devices, whether blue-tooth, digital, or analog -- coupled with 10,000 shows on-demand and a few thousand local, national, international & specialty channels, spooling online video content and up-to-the minute news flashes from as far away as Kabash, including weather, politics, social media, and anti-viral updates -- but the Tech guy won't leave, he says we are related through my great-grandfather's mother's side of the family, he's issued a few formal demands, and he has been back there for about two days now. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - More

2011-05-03T09:26:00.000-07:00

Things go along. I had a dream about you last night -- we were sitting in a car, and I said I wanted to get cigarettes, and you said, "Why don't you wait for a snowy morning? Deals on cigarettes are best on a snowy morning." CM Evans Cartoons

You Have a Cartoon Idea You'd Like to See Me Take a Crack At?

2011-04-27T14:47:00.000-07:00

Heya! Thanks to all the people who have decided to follow this site. As I said in the post below -- I'm up to the challenge of cartooning on subjects you come up with. I've been having fun with my friend Jim, and he hasn't been able to stump me yet! If you want to try, comment cartoon ideas and if I think they're up to the challenge, I'll take them on. Plus, I'll send you a signed original, electronically, for yours and yours alone! More cartoons to follow!

Cartoon - Jim's Challenge -- Diving off an Emotional Cliff

2011-04-27T14:28:00.001-07:00

I have a buddy, Jim, who has been challenging me to draw on any subject he comes up with. So far I have not been blocked. Here is one of them: Jim asked me to illustrate "Diving off an Emotional Cliff". The other cartoons Jim asked for on subjects like the fiscal policy of Greece over the last 200 years, corporations named "Schnurr", and brain eating demons -- I drew them, we'll save some of those for later.

Feel free to ask for your own special cartoons in the comments area, if I like it, I'll draw it and send it to you. Don't be shy! I'd love to be drawing some from my visitors from far away, where you are. CM Evans Cartoons

The USS Marshmallow

2011-04-25T10:16:00.000-07:00

Serious American Civil War history buffs will tell you, the USS Marshmallow was the first Federal ship that the ironclad CSS Virginia (formerly the USS Merrimack) chose to engage, at the Battle of Hampton Roads, on May 8, 1862. In recently discovered log books, recovered from the submerged CSS Virgina, National Geographic historians have decoded the entry from Captain Catesby Robert Jones, deciding not continue to attack the USS Marshmallow when he realized he did not have any chocolate, or graham crackers. Jones noted he was crestfallen by this, because to route the USS Marshmallow "...would have been delicious." Resolutely, he turned the CSS Virginia towards the USS Cumberland, and the rest is the history you know from the school books. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Pirate Fairy Tales

2011-04-21T09:22:00.000-07:00

I've been outlining a new book, tentatively titled "Captain Murder's Pirating for Swabs" which would be a sort of "pirating for dummies" type of thing -- narrated by Cap' "Mad-Dog" Murder and dictated to Milton Periwinkle, a kidnapped clerk who has been told to assist writing the book "proper" before he is killed or made to walk the plank. So far I have the idea, some of Mad-Dogs rantings, the clerks replies to reform it into understandable terminology for a dummy, and some rude drawings of treasure maps. Arrrrrgh! Here's a cartoon of a similar theme. CM EVANS CARTOONS

Cartoon - Lawn Fire

2011-04-20T09:28:00.001-07:00

I'm back to writing about real things that happen in my life. Why is it that the Universe is designed for all kinds of unpredictable mayhem to occur the minute you're all by yourself, and you have no plausible excuse for the disasters that happen at that precise time? How do I get in trouble doing the simplest things, like watering a neighbors lawn when they are on vacation? CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Captain Nemo

2011-04-19T09:32:00.001-07:00

I used to think I had to be creative to foster interest in what I write, but I'm the kind of person who goes out expecting to have a hum-drum day, but then I'll see someone who looks like Captain Nemo disguised as a banker when I'm depositing a few checks a Wells Fargo. I'll be cool and go home and think about it all day -- here is a drawing of him. CM EVANS CARTOONS

Cartoon - Around Here

2011-04-13T13:32:00.000-07:00

So how do you like your steak? Rare? With the horn? CM Evans Cartoons

BM - Hide

2011-04-12T10:21:00.001-07:00

How are you doing today? I'm fine. Someone write a phone number of the windshield of my car, I noticed it this morning when I was driving somewhere at 6 AM, you could just barely make out all the numbers when the glass got totally fogged and you ran the wipers -- but only for a few seconds, so of course I almost drove off the road several times trying to read it. The numbers look to have been written by a female's hand, I don't know what to make of it. Now the numbers are gone. Mysterious things like this have been happening to me all the time, and ironically I seldom have the presence of mind to fully heed them or record them properly, before they vanish like the ephemera they are. So if you are the beautiful lady who wrote on my window, thanks, and I love you right back. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Offensive

2011-04-08T14:33:00.000-07:00

Politically, I only get mad at any party when they decide to spend my money and expect me to be thankful they know so much better than I do about spending it on things like Civil War Reenactment groups, Memorials to Agricultural Products, Nocturnal Spoon Shining Conventions, and Building Luxury Shitters on the Top of Rarely Visited Mountain Peaks. So I get frustrated at Democrats, Republicans, Left, Right, Center, Tea-Partiers, etc. Coincidentally, I hear the US Federal Government will undergoing a partial shut down if someone doesn't do something, but quite frankly -- I'd be relieved for the Government to be shut down like I'd be satisfied for a drunk idiot with a weed-eater getting locked up for 48 hours after the fella chopped holes all over my yard, while drinking all my beer. Which is what the US Government does to lots of folks irregardless, in a sense, so it must be that the US Government will be temporarily shut down for a few hours or over the weekend when most of 'em wouldn't be doing much but punch the clock. Oh well.

My sympathy though to the Military and to Federal Employees in the USPS. Some of the best people I know are Veterans and Mail Carriers! CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Big Flat

2011-04-05T11:04:00.001-07:00

TVs are so big these days, so big & so flat -- I am sure it is a good thing, otherwise why would they be the way that they are? And the image definition is out of this world! I can see all the stupid stuff that was happening before, much clearer and crisper now. I'm gaining a new appreciation of the sheer depth and clarity of idiocy electronically transmitted to my room. I'm learning so much. I don't know if I can do anything constructive with it, but if saving the world requires me to become a fire breathing homicidal reptilian wig wearing left/right hardcore pawnstar pornstar real-housewife NASCAR sci-fi drag-queen hooker tank commander frequent flier with a credit card, I'm good to go. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - 3D TV

2011-03-31T14:55:00.000-07:00

On the day before April 1, we need to seriously switch gears, here's a list:

- I'll take 3-D TV if you promise me I never have to smell what I see.

- If people ever live on the surface of the Sun, ice cubes there will be fantastically expensive.

- The word "Stupid" showed up in the English language around 1540. It came from France, and what a hell of a nice word to get from French.

- You can stick your elbow in your ear. You can. Trust me. Go ahead & try.

- This fact was a nasty fact, so I have a placeholder here now. Never mind.

Now go make some stuff up and pass it off as an expert. Get ready for April 1. Don't get fooled.

CM EVANS CARTOONS

Cartoon - If You Asked

2011-03-25T12:33:00.000-07:00

I've gotten some fine fashion tips from various unnamed sources. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - The Gift of Automatic/ A Ajándéka Automatikus

2011-03-23T11:14:00.000-07:00

No longer do I languish in shame, for those formerly baffling occasions when I am suddenly in the presence of my friends and loved-ones, or people expecting a sentimental gift & me being unable to comply. No -- I rip off one of these, with a series of furious flourishes, signed & dated, and the room goes still. Lack of paper or pen will not hold me back -- I've created Gift with table cloths, condiments, pepper and salt, even food, if need be. Free yourselves! Live! Or, as Google translate automatically will say:

Nicht mehr ich mich in Scham schmachten, für die früher rätselhaft Gelegenheiten, wenn ich plötzlich in der Gegenwart von meinen Freunden und Angehörigen oder Menschen erwarten eine sentimentale Geschenk & mich nicht in der Lage zu erfüllen bin. Nein - ich rip off einer von diesen, mit einer Reihe von wütenden gedeiht, signiert & datiert, und das Zimmer geht noch. Mangelnde Papier oder Stift nicht halten mich zurück - ich habe Geschenk mit Tischdecken, Gewürze, Pfeffer und Salz, auch Lebensmittel erstellt, falls erforderlich. Befreit euch!

Я уже не томятся в стыд, для тех, кто ранее озадачивает случаи, когда я вдруг в присутствии моих друзей и любимых, в них, или люди ожидали сентиментальный подарок и я, будучи не в состоянии выполнить. Нет - сорвать один из них, с серией яростных процветает, подписанное и датированное и номер идет еще. Отсутствие бумаги или перо не будет проводить меня обратно - я создал Подарок с скатерти, приправы, перец и соль, даже продукты питания, в случае необходимости. Бесплатные сами!

Hindi na ako nanghihina sa kahihiyan, para sa mga dating mahirap okasyon kapag ako bigla sa harapan ng aking mga kaibigan at mahal-bata, o tao na umaasang isang sentimental na regalo sa akin & sa pagiging hindi upang sumunod. Walang - ko rip off ang isa sa mga ito, na may isang serye ng mga galit na galit match ang nagaganap, sign & petsahan, at ang kuwarto napupunta pa rin. Kakulangan ng papel o panulat ay hindi hold ako sa likod - ko na nilikha ng Gift sa cloths table, condiments, paminta at asin, kahit na pagkain, kung kailangan. Free ang inyong sarili!

CM EVANS CARTOONS

Cartoon - Fabelhafte Boot

2011-03-22T11:40:00.000-07:00

Not to spring history on you, but the Schrönhorn Museum of Footware -- what can I say? Regards this: the Fabelhafte Boot. Who knew of such interesting facts -- the people, the personalities, the adventures. Our guide, Herr Blockingstoke, persuaded us to spend an afternoon there in the winter of 1995, as part of our tour of the haunted alpine landscapes of Mt. Stampede. Though we ended up lost two days and nights at the falls, almost frozen to death, I still look back at that time with fondness. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Extreme Baking

2011-03-17T16:10:00.000-07:00

I can follow a recipe, but I'm not the greatest cook -- but not a bad cook, either! If you needed chili made from scratch, I could do that. But I read everything, so I've read my fair share of cookbooks and cooked nothing as a result. Right now I'm reading a 1973 edition of that American culinary mainstay -- "Joy of Cooking", I'm in the "Chicken" section. I also have a few cookbooks covering subjects like Transylvanian desserts, West African snacks, real Cajun & Creole cooking, and easy to fix Venetian "siege mentality" dishes -- like Bigoli alla Veneziana. Mmmmmmm! CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - WE STARTED A WAR

2011-03-15T10:16:00.001-07:00

If a bunch of us started a war, in the spirit of fairness & teamwork, I'd want all of us to have equal credit for it. But I know someone else would get in there and say they started it, all by themselves. But they'd get their comeuppance -- when we got together in the first group again, to start another war, of course we'd cut that breakaway person out. Which goes to show -- if you're selfish, and try to take credit for what isn't all yours -- nobody wants to do things with you in the future. CM EVANS CARTOONS

Cartoon - Paper Towels

2011-03-14T13:47:00.000-07:00

All I have to say about it, is people are damn messy and if you think you don't make messes, then you have no idea whose following up after you've had your fun with paper towels, gloves, and a big mop. And cleaning up after you does not make you endearing -- when you see pairs of squinted eyes and talk behind your back -- everybody knows how you fucked the room up. Have you even been to the Museum? Well, then, never mind. Thank God you haven't been to the Museum with all that fragile art, for a long time. Why don't you go outside and trace something? No, you can't have a snack. No, you can't watch TV. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Viking Pirate Novel

2011-03-10T10:31:00.000-08:00

I tried writing a novel once -- and it was going good, but it made no sense. Boy, was I in denial. I make no sense anyways, after some time -- so if any novelist can fool me into thinking they make sense the whole lenght of a novel, they did a bang up job. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - 2500 Cat

2011-03-08T12:44:00.001-08:00

My cat Fred is a sweet boy, no trouble whatsoever -- other than the time he stole a car and then lost the car in Mexico. And the time he cut in line at the airport, causing the TSA to shut down all of JFK in NYC for 12 hours. And the last time he performed at a comedy club in Chicago and did an impression of the "dirtiest joke ever told". And there was that harmless misunderstanding with Charlie Sheen about who bought the catnip vs who brought the bong full of screaming hash from the Green Triangle. A few other things, too, which we agreed to forgive and forget about. Fred's big red Maine Coon, and he'll fool you with his cat-ju-jitsu into feeding him as often as he'd like, if you don't pay attention. CM EVANS CARTOONS

"Let It End Like This" Brochure and Misc. Links

2011-03-08T09:52:00.000-08:00

Here is the brochure for the apexart show, "Let It End Like This". Event listings from The Village Voice and NYC Arts, click on the hyperlinks.

CM Evans Work to be Included in "Let it End Like This" @ apexart , NYC, March 9 - May 14

2011-03-04T14:56:00.001-08:00

apexart, a non-commercial art-space in New York City, will be putting on a show called "Let it End Like This" -- the opening will be on March 9. The show runs from March 9 to May 14. Artists like Ben Fountain, David Barringer, and Evie Wyld are featured, just to name a few. Todd Zuniga, globetrotter, buccaneer & founding editor of Opium Magazine and the Literary Death Match is the curator.

I'm happy to report a work of mine, including a cartoon, will be included in the installation. This isn't my first collaboration with the folks at apexart. In 2008 I had the fortune of being in another show at apexart, curated by Dave Eggers, titled "Lots of Things Like This".

If you're in NYC, go check it out! apexart is a great space, and they put on innovative exhibitions all year 'round.

Cartoon - Camp Built Firelog Racer

2011-03-02T10:14:00.000-08:00

What should I write about this? As a kid, we'd go camping in the redwoods and burn our fingers when roasting marshmallows, the dog would get sick on the food that fell in the dirt, going to the bathroom in a chemical toilet was a bizarre experience, and at night you could see a million stars. After hiking all day and throwing rocks into the South Fork of the Eel River, in the evening we'd get back and build a big fire, and this is when I built my FIRE LOG RACER! CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoons - HE WAS SHY

2011-03-01T12:36:00.000-08:00

Some people think I don't bother editing my work before it goes out. You'd be surprised how much work can go into looking like you don't ever edit your cartoons before they get posted. To illustrate (forgive the pun), here is the drawing I just did:

And here it is after I edited it:

I don't know if I should have stayed with "Frail" instead of "Shy" -- but the overall effect has been reached, I think. CM EVANS CARTOONS

Cartoon - Meeting Chair

2011-02-25T14:58:00.000-08:00

I tried out an online dating service for 3 months. On the bright side of things, we all made it to Friday, and I just got back from Chicago. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - My Big Chance

2011-02-14T10:06:00.000-08:00

I hear people being lucky in life, when they complain about stuff. Especially when they don't realize how lucky they really are. And you shouldn't discount when someone complains, they can talk, think, and they have something to complain about. In the end, I think it all gets spoiled for most folks, when they understand how good things are going. For me, everything was going fine when the squirters on my windshield worked the other day, and also this morning at 5.30 AM when they wouldn't work at all. It gives me a fine point of perspective. When the squirters were working, two of the jets shot over the top of the truck. With them not working, I save window-washing fluid. The truck works through it all, and it is like me, a hooptie. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Schrödinger Cat

2011-02-10T10:48:00.000-08:00

I made the big mistake of starting out my morning all happy and carefree, and then I decide to listen to what my purebred Maine Coon, Freddy, has to say. He's got a bone to pick with Schrödinger. He's been waiting a long time to tell me about Mr. Schrödinger. When he was done, I promised Fred that Schrödinger was out. Goddamn it, I said I hate the guy, Ok? I had absolutely nothing to fucking do with it. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Rabbit Fed

2011-02-09T13:49:00.000-08:00

I wanted to say thanks to all the people who have subscribed to this cartoon blog. I totally appreciate it. If you think someone might enjoy my warped sense of humor -- let them know! More work to follow. I'm interested in doing translations of my cartoons, so the humor isn't locked into the confines of English. If anyone is interested in giving me translations for cartoons they like, let me know -- I'll be happy to update them. Thanks again! CM Evans

Cartoon - Impossible

2011-02-08T09:01:00.000-08:00

I guess it will pass. Why am I so distracted? CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - BOMB GAME 9000

2011-02-03T10:35:00.000-08:00

Game design and concepts rolling out now are light-years beyond the old text driven adventures and hi-rez games that pioneered it all.

Just kidding.

How about this: Suppose I could have my computer simulate a mountain of 4 kinds of cheeses that is the height of Mt. Everest and go skiing on it? Suppose Mt. Everest-o-Cheese was also on fire, and exploding? And infested with mutant aliens? Trying to kill me? Being led by a evil scientist? Shooting me to the 5th dimension? Where water tastes like bacon? Where I find out a Man in Black controls everything? Implausible? Game design and concepts so rock today.

CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Buttons

2011-02-01T16:02:00.001-08:00

Where would I be without computers and the Internet? Without the cloud and mobile multi-media devices? I'd be bored and mimeographing this on a stolen mimeograph, going out after dark and stuffing these pages under doormats and in the magazine racks of cafes and bars. But I know I've made a deal with the Devil of Nerds. Which isn't too bad, because the D.o.N is afraid of horses, girls, and peeing in public. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Infestation

2011-01-31T15:41:00.001-08:00

How did this happen? There's a pirate ship in the bathroom sink, 8 in the hallway, 4 in the living room, a pirate sub in the kitchen, and a pirate race car and airplane in the garage. Also -- where are all the pirates? I feel like I'm going to be ambushed. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Luck

2011-01-29T12:16:00.000-08:00

By the time I was on my 5th dream, a good one where I'm going to kill Hitler in 1928 & make it look like an accident, saving the world from WWII, I was bumped-dialed by a person in the middle of the night. It sounded like it was someone calling from Asia, from a phone-booth in a radioactive centrifuge. Some people have no luck. Other fellas make luck like Rumpelstiltskin spinning sunshine out of gold. Both of these types are a menace to society. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - On this Island

2011-01-28T11:25:00.000-08:00

Ahhh! The lovely island of Oa-Ka-Tet-Tia. Otherwise known as "Easy Island", or known to the Spanish in the 16th century as La Isla de Empuje Fácil -- probably because of its fortuitous position along the route to the Philippines. I can't say enough about it. A place where you can go and be totally at ease in all things. Where the Ka-ka-Kia birds sing in the morning, a majestic cry, to the pounding of the surf and the tinkling of Mu-Ho-Kelokia -- translated quaintly as Pinch Log Falls. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Today Is Safe

2011-01-26T10:57:00.000-08:00

MMMM mmmm mmm! Today is the day, of all fricken magical special beautiful days! They didn't have to make it so special. Better go get them while you can. GO GET SOME. GO! CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon- Cursive

2011-01-25T11:04:00.000-08:00

If fewer people read cursive writing, then I can really get on with my secret life. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Know Your Clouds

2011-01-14T09:09:00.000-08:00

I'd say more about this, but I don't want to unduly influence you, in knowing your clouds. Have a happy Friday. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Fish Dream

2011-01-04T10:26:00.000-08:00

Fish are sick, man, sick. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Bear Truck

2010-12-22T09:10:00.000-08:00

It is a long story about how I got to be friends with a grizzly bear, and I've had to go through some some sticky situations with him -- but they mean well. Bears don't have the concept of personal property down, though. At least grizzly bears don't -- I can't speak for brown bears, black bears, or polar bears. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Take this Survey

2010-12-19T12:28:00.000-08:00

I'm cleaning up other people's messes this Sunday. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Hunting Report

2010-12-17T19:00:00.000-08:00

Here is the Hunting Report. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - TOUCH

2010-12-16T11:24:00.000-08:00

You see this a lot -- lots more than you'd think you'd see it. Gosh durn. By the way, everybody knows what you're up to. They all know what you want to do, before you go and embarrass yourself. Why not go and jump flaming buses with a motorcycle, instead? CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Mrs. Whistler

2010-12-03T10:26:00.000-08:00

Hello, we got a bunch of new folks here, that have rolled in. Thanks for stopping by. You can see there's a lot of stuff here to look at. I'm making more cartoons now, but some from the past need to be brought to your attention. Have a happy Friday, and a great weekend. God I love Mrs. Whistler. Reminds me of an exchange between Oscar Wilde and James Whistler, after James had uttered some crafty bon mot:

Oscar Wilde: I wish I had said that!
James Whistler: You will, Oscar, you will.

I do too. If only we could keep up with the Wildes and the Whistlers of this world.

CM EVANS CARTOONS

Cartoon - DVD Bacon

2010-11-28T14:06:00.001-08:00

Yes, it is a paradox. Don't interrupt the flow. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Have A Happy Thanksgiving

2010-11-24T09:47:00.000-08:00

Turkey, big. Oven, small. Turkey, thawed? If no, you still have time to get it thawed for tomorrow, but you'll have to get up at 4 AM to make sure it is ready for the big day. I'm assuming you have a turkey, and all the fixings. Green beans, fake mashed potatoes, yams, pumpkin pie, cranberry sauce, ham, pineapple, cherries, nuts, corn, hawaii bread, sourdough bread, muffins, walnuts, sherry, Mennonites, vinegar, salad, salt, pepper, squash, cucumbers, spinach, doors, windows, table, chairs, napkins, plates, silverware, beer, whistles, whiskey, buckles on your shoes, clean laundry, a smile on your face, and grace. CM EVANS CARTOONS

Cartoon - Fraud

2010-11-22T09:50:00.000-08:00

It has happened --we've started the ramp-up for Christmas: here is your first celebratory cartoon of the Season. Don't get me wrong -- I love the Holidays. It is just I've been able to ignore the whole thing up to this point. All this potential giving, ritual joyfulness, drunkenness, and hilarity takes a bit getting used to. So fa la la la la, la la la lah, may you all have money jingling in your pockets and ruddy cheeks. Have fun, don't bum people out -- get the person on your list who is impossible to satisfy that *perfect gift* this year, and stay out of jail. Or at least don't get caught. If you get in a jam, remember you can solve all known problems if you wrap it in bacon. CM EVANS CARTOONS

Cartoon - Yodel

2010-11-19T19:53:00.001-08:00

As you can see -- I'm cartooning again. I relocated from Chicago to Newport Beach, and when I got here I was told I needed a special permit to draw black & white gags. I had to wait two months before I was awarded one in the Quarterly Lottery Drawing of the Ordinance to Allow Select Types of Humor Here. CM EVANS CARTOONS

Cartoon - TSA GRANDAD

2010-11-19T18:39:00.000-08:00

I've heard some fools saying getting abused by the TSA ain't no big deal, and we shouldn't be such gosh durned persnickety about it. But Grandad is a good barometer for what should-be, or not-should-be, because unlike so many other folks, he does not bother anyone and he's generally completely oblivious -- unless the situation is so clearly bad or out of control, the "informed" of this world are fucking clueless. Go Grandad! CM EVANS CARTOONS

Cartoon - Coming to an Airport Near You

2010-11-18T14:26:00.001-08:00

Wishing all of you a Happy Thanksgiving, in advance. If you'll be flying to see the family this year, I'm sure you are looking forward to interfacing with the TSA. It should be a stimulating experience, and your sense of security will be aroused -- travel does bring us into contact with unusual people, places, and things. Plus getting all fluffed up by a big ugly security guard who hates the shit out of you turns some folks on. OK -- forget everything I wrote. Let's be happy. What color underwear are you wearing? If I was a TSA agent, I'd already know by now! HA!! CM EVANS CARTOONS

MOOOO

2010-11-02T12:59:00.000-07:00

How are you? I'm on Tuesday. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - Sick Bastard

2010-10-25T12:02:00.001-07:00

HELLO MONDAY

I do lots of stuff that I don't think is wrong. And going on what happened before, I didn't think it was a big deal to remove mattress tags from my freinds mattresses. Or, I'd go over to someones house and I'd hide kernels of Captain Crunch all over their place, so three years later they'd still be finding it where they least expected it. And the cereal is still good -- it never goes bad. And better than hiding salami in hard to each places -- which I cannot believe I wrote that, how explosively Freudian. One thing everyone should have is a spoon (or fork) cemented above the sink or dishwasher. I explain this will prove to people that if you indeed wash silverware too many times, eventually the utensils will become buoyant and slowly float up to the ceiling. In all of this, my life is tolerable. CM EVANS CARTOONS

Cartoon - Share

2010-10-19T13:34:00.001-07:00

I like to share.

Cartoon - NNPD

2010-10-16T08:08:00.001-07:00

National Nose Picking Day is coming up shortly, I have been told. But to change subjects -- how many lives have you lived, previously? Lots of them, I imagine. Who do you want to be next time around? I think we all end up being this guy. Living in Chicago. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - The Place We Ate At Before

2010-10-14T09:23:00.001-07:00

This has happened to me several times in New York. I don't mind it. CM Evans Cartoons

The Cartoon that Destroyed - Sexy/ Angry

2010-10-10T10:10:00.000-07:00

This cartoon was very popular, for some reason. It set out for the land of MySpace and pillaged and burned there, quite considerably. At times, I felt like a mad scientist who had intentionally created a 60 story monster, and set it loose against a weak, innocent, wicked metropolis that deserved to be annihilated. Funny how things spiral out into the internets, and the lives they live. On a side note, I hear tell there is an improved duct tape that leaves no messy residue. Perfect for microwaving sausage. CM EVANS CARTOONS

Cartoon - Mysterious Smell

2010-10-05T08:51:00.000-07:00

Hello to L O M B R A S, it is good to see you. Well, now I know where that mysterious smell is coming from. But I still don't know where that mysterious smell comes from. CM Evans Cartoons

Cartoon - WOTW

2010-10-01T12:43:00.000-07:00

I have interesting conversations with people. I met a homeless guy this morning at Main Beach Park in Laguna Beach, who told me about the psychic vibrating qualities of the color blue and purple, and then he gave me a detailed account of Julio Gallo, the Northern California winemaker, and how the French dictator Napoleon shoehorned aliens into soldiers bodies for the battle of Waterloo. On this last point, the aliens were very powerful, combined in batches of 8, from three worlds stacked directly above us. He assured me ceratin unnamed scientists working for the Air Force in charge of bootlegging extra pure moonshine, have established all of the above. I came home and cleaned the sand out of the apartment, and I made food for people who wanted food. CM EVANS CARTOONS